While some dating ‘rules’ make a lot of sense, others are outdated, pointless, and won’t actually help you connect with anyone.
There’s on one way to date successfully, and some arbitrary guidelines set up by our parents, love gurus, and even society at large are better off being disregarded altogether. Here are some dating ‘rules’ you can safely ignore.
1. You must wait three days before calling or texting after a date.
Source: Unsplash This is some kind of misguided attempt to appear aloof and unavailable. In reality, it often leads to unnecessary anxiety and missed connections. If you’ve had a great time with someone, there’s no logical reason to artificially delay your communication. Genuine interest shouldn’t be masked by arbitrary waiting periods. In our fast-paced world, waiting three days might mean missing out on a second date altogether, as your potential partner could easily move on or assume you’re not interested.
2. The man should always pay for the first date.
This is a perfect example of outdated gender norms and fails to account for the diversity of modern relationships. It puts unnecessary pressure on men and can make women feel indebted or uncomfortable. In today’s world of equal partnerships, it makes more sense to split the bill or take turns paying. This approach allows both parties to contribute and sets a tone of equality from the start. It also removes the awkward dance of who reaches for the bill, allowing both people to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead.
3. You shouldn’t discuss exes on early dates.
While dwelling excessively on past relationships isn’t smart, completely avoiding the topic can lead to a superficial understanding of your date’s romantic history and emotional landscape. Brief, honest discussions about past relationships can provide valuable insights into a person’s growth, values, and what they’re looking for in a partner. It’s not about comparison, but about understanding each other’s journeys. As long as the conversation is balanced and respectful, talking about exes can actually deepen your connection and mutual understanding.
4. You should play hard to get to increase your desirability.
This manipulative tactic often backfires, creating unnecessary stress and confusion. It’s based on the flawed assumption that people value what’s scarce or difficult to obtain. In reality, most people appreciate honesty and clear communication in potential partners. Playing hard to get can send mixed signals, potentially pushing away someone who might be a great match. It’s far more effective to be genuine about your interest and availability, allowing for a natural progression of the relationship based on mutual attraction and compatibility.
5. There’s a ‘right’ timeline for physical intimacy.
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s the antiquated ‘three-date rule’ or any other arbitrary timeline, trying to adhere to a predetermined schedule for physical intimacy ignores the unique dynamics of each relationship. Every couple moves at their own pace, and what feels right for one pair might be too fast or too slow for another. Forcing intimacy to fit a timeline can lead to discomfort or regret. Instead, it’s healthier to communicate openly with your partner about your comfort levels and desires, allowing physical intimacy to develop naturally as your emotional connection grows.
6. You shouldn’t talk about marriage or children early on.
While it’s true that bringing up wedding plans on a first date might be premature, avoiding discussions about long-term goals and desires can lead to wasted time and heartache. If having children or getting married is a non-negotiable for you, it’s important to communicate this relatively early. These conversations don’t have to be heavy or pressuring; they can be casual check-ins to ensure you’re on the same page about major life goals. Avoiding these topics out of fear of scaring someone off can result in deeper disappointment down the line.
7. You should always dress to impress on dates.
While putting effort into your appearance can boost confidence, the pressure to always look your absolute best on dates can be exhausting and unrealistic. It’s more important to be comfortable and authentic. Dressing in a way that doesn’t reflect your everyday style might give your date a false impression of who you are. Moreover, casual dates or activity-based outings often call for practical, comfortable clothing. Being overdressed can make you feel self-conscious and detract from enjoying the moment.
8. You shouldn’t friend or follow your date on social media too soon.
In our digitally connected world, this rule feels particularly outdated. Social media can offer valuable insights into a person’s interests, values, and lifestyle. While it’s true that obsessively stalking someone’s online presence isn’t healthy, connecting on social platforms can be a natural extension of getting to know each other. It can provide talking points for future dates and allow you to share aspects of your life in a casual, low-pressure way. As long as both parties are comfortable with it, there’s no reason to artificially delay this digital connection.
9. You should never accept a last-minute date invitation.
While it’s important to have self-respect and not always be at someone’s beck and call, rigidly adhering to this rule can mean missing out on spontaneous, fun experiences. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes great opportunities arise at the last minute. If you’re free and interested, why not say yes? Flexibility can be an attractive quality, and some of the best dates can be unplanned adventures. This doesn’t mean you should always be available, but judging each invitation on its own merits rather than dismissing it based on timing can lead to pleasant surprises.
10. You shouldn’t discuss politics or religion on early dates.
The old adage of avoiding politics and religion in polite conversation doesn’t always serve us well in dating. These topics can offer crucial insights into a person’s values and worldview. While you don’t need to launch into a heated debate, tactfully exploring these areas can help you determine compatibility early on. If your political or religious views are important to you, it’s better to know sooner rather than later if you and your date are fundamentally misaligned. Respectful discussions about these topics can also lead to deeper, more meaningful conversations.
11. You should always plan an elaborate first date to impress.
The pressure to plan a spectacular first date can be overwhelming and unnecessary. Simple, low-key dates often provide a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other. A casual coffee or a walk in the park can be just as effective as an expensive dinner or a carefully orchestrated event. Elaborate dates can create pressure and expectations that might overshadow the natural process of getting acquainted. It’s more important to focus on creating a comfortable environment for conversation and connection rather than trying to dazzle with grand gestures.
12. You shouldn’t mention that you’re seeing other people.
Source: Unsplash In the early stages of dating, many people explore connections with multiple potential partners. Being dishonest about this can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings later on. While you don’t need to provide detailed accounts of your other dates, being upfront about not being exclusive can set clear expectations. This honesty allows both parties to make informed decisions about the level of emotional investment they’re comfortable with. It’s far better to be transparent from the start than to have a painful conversation about mismatched assumptions down the line.
13. You should wait for the other person to say ‘I love you’ first.
This rule often stems from a fear of vulnerability or rejection. However, holding back strong feelings can create an emotional distance in the relationship. If you genuinely feel love for someone, expressing it shouldn’t be dictated by an arbitrary rule. While it’s important to be mindful of timing and the other person’s feelings, authentic expression of emotion can deepen your connection. Remember, saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t obligate the other person to reciprocate immediately; it’s an expression of your feelings, not a demand for theirs.
14. You shouldn’t talk about your insecurities or vulnerabilities early on.
Source: Unsplash The idea that you should only present your best, most confident self when dating can lead to superficial connections. While you don’t need to divulge your deepest fears on the first date, allowing yourself to be vulnerable can create a deeper bond. Sharing insecurities can actually be endearing and relatable, as everyone has them. It shows that you’re human and allows the other person to support and understand you better. This openness can pave the way for more honest, authentic relationships.
15. You should always have a backup date planned in case the first one cancels.
Source: Unsplash This rule suggests a lack of genuine interest in the people you’re dating, treating them as interchangeable. It can lead to a mindset of always looking for the next best thing rather than giving each connection a fair chance. If a date cancels and you’re disappointed, it’s okay to feel that way. Rushing to fill the slot with another person doesn’t allow you to process those feelings. It’s healthier to be comfortable with occasional alone time and to value quality connections over quantity.
16. You shouldn’t bring up exclusivity until you’ve been dating for months.
Source: Unsplash In today’s dating landscape, where people often date multiple people simultaneously, waiting too long to discuss exclusivity can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If you’re interested in a monogamous relationship, it’s perfectly acceptable to bring this up once you feel a strong connection, regardless of how much time has passed. Clear communication about your expectations and desires can save both parties from investing time in a situation that doesn’t align with their relationship goals. There’s no universal timeline for this conversation; it should happen when it feels right for you.
17. You should always have an exit strategy planned for every date.
Source: Unsplash While it’s wise to take safety precautions, especially when meeting someone for the first time, always planning an escape route suggests a negative mindset. It can prevent you from fully engaging in the date and giving the other person a fair chance. Instead of focusing on how to get out of the date, try to approach each encounter with an open mind. If you’re genuinely not enjoying yourself, it’s okay to be honest about that. Having a pre-planned excuse can lead to inauthentic behaviour and missed opportunities for connection.
18. You shouldn’t introduce your date to friends or family too soon.
While it’s true that introducing a date to your loved ones is a significant step, there’s no universal timeline for when this should happen. In some cases, casual introductions to friends or family can happen naturally and provide valuable insights into how your date interacts with important people in your life. It doesn’t have to be a formal, high-pressure event. A casual run-in or a group outing can be a low-key way to integrate your date into your social circle. Rigidly avoiding these introductions can actually create an artificial barrier in your relationship’s progression.
