The idea that we’re all our own worst critics isn’t exactly revolutionary, but the reality is that this tendency means we’re pretty awful to ourselves sometimes.
If you’re particularly hard on yourself, chances are there are some phrases that creep into your self-talk that are downright horrible. You’d never say these things to anyone else, and you’d be fuming if anyone said them to one of your loved ones, so why do you say them to yourself?
1. “You’re such an idiot.”
We all make mistakes, but calling yourself an idiot doesn’t help. Instead of berating yourself, try to learn from the error. Remind yourself that making mistakes is a normal part of being human and doesn’t define your intelligence or worth.
2. “You’ll never be good enough.”
This harsh statement ignores all your efforts and progress. Instead of focusing on an impossible standard of perfection, try to appreciate your growth and improvements. Remember, ‘good enough’ is often a moving target, and you’re likely doing better than you think.
3. “Nobody likes you.”
This sweeping generalisation is rarely, if ever, true. It’s easy to feel this way after a social mishap or during a bout of loneliness, but it’s important to challenge this thought. Remind yourself of the people who care about you, even if it’s just one or two individuals.
4. “You’re so lazy.”
Calling yourself lazy often oversimplifies complex issues like burnout, depression, or being overwhelmed. Instead of using this label, try to understand why you’re feeling unmotivated. Sometimes, what looks like laziness is actually your mind and body telling you to rest.
5. “You’re a failure.”
Failing at something doesn’t make you a failure as a person. This kind of all-or-nothing thinking can be very damaging. Try to reframe failures as learning experiences and opportunities for growth. Remember, even the most successful people have faced numerous setbacks.
6. “You’re so ugly.”
This harsh self-criticism often stems from unrealistic beauty standards or comparing yourself to other people. Try to focus on aspects of yourself that you like, both physical and non-physical. Remember that your worth isn’t determined by your appearance.
7. “You don’t deserve to be happy.”
Everyone deserves happiness, including you. This thought often comes from feelings of guilt or low self-worth. Challenge it by reminding yourself that happiness isn’t something you earn, but a fundamental human right.
8. “You’re wasting your life.”
This sweeping statement ignores all the experiences and growth you’ve had. Life isn’t a race or a competition. Try to appreciate your journey, including the detours and slow periods. Every experience contributes to who you are.
9. “Nobody cares about you.”
This painful thought often arises when we’re feeling particularly low or isolated. It’s important to remember that people often care more than they express. Reach out to friends or family when you’re feeling this way — you might be surprised by the support you receive.
10. “You’re a burden to everyone.”
This thought can prevent us from asking for help when we really need it. Remember that relationships are about give and take. Just as you support other people, it’s okay to need and ask for support sometimes. You’re not a burden for having needs or struggles.
11. “You’ll never achieve your dreams.”
Source: Unsplash This defeatist attitude can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of telling yourself it’s impossible, try to break your dreams down into smaller, achievable steps. Remember that many successful people faced doubt and setbacks on their way to achieving their goals.
12. “You’re too old/young to start something new.”
Source: Unsplash Age is often used as an excuse to avoid trying new things. The truth is, it’s never too late (or too early) to learn, grow, or pursue a new passion. Many people have found success or new hobbies at various stages of life.
13. “You’re so selfish.”
Source: Unsplash Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish — it’s necessary. This thought often comes up when we’re setting boundaries or prioritising self-care. Remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup; taking care of yourself enables you to better care for other people.
14. “You don’t fit in anywhere.”
Source: Unsplash Feeling like an outsider can be painful, but it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Everyone has unique qualities that may not always align with their current environment. Instead of trying to fit in, focus on finding or creating spaces where you can be yourself.
15. “You’re not smart enough.”
Source: Unsplash Intelligence comes in many forms, and academic or traditional smarts aren’t the only measure. This thought often arises when we’re facing new challenges. Remember that you’re capable of learning and growing, and that effort often matters more than innate ability.
16. “You don’t deserve love.”
Source: Unsplash This deeply hurtful belief often stems from past experiences or low self-esteem. It’s important to remember that everyone deserves love and affection. Your past mistakes or perceived flaws don’t disqualify you from being loved.
17. “You’re a terrible parent/partner/friend.”
We often judge ourselves harshly in our relationships. Remember that no one is perfect in these roles. Instead of focusing on your perceived failings, try to acknowledge the efforts you make and the care you show. It’s okay to be a work in progress.
18. “You should have your life figured out by now.”
Life doesn’t come with a universal timeline. This thought often comes from comparing ourselves to other people or societal expectations. Remember that everyone’s journey is different, and it’s okay if your path doesn’t look like everyone else’s. Life is a continuous process of growth and change, not a destination to reach.
