When someone decides to stop drinking, it’s a major life change that deserves respect and support — especially in Britain!
Pretty much everything in the UK revolves around alcohol, so deciding to come away from it entirely deserves some major kudos. However, a lot of people don’t see it that way, and they end up saying things that can be offensive, hurtful, or just totally clueless. Here are some things that you should never say to someone who’s sober, whether newly or long-term.
1. “Come on, just one drink won’t hurt.”
This is incredibly dismissive, and it undermines the person’s decision and the effort they’ve put into staying sober. For someone who’s stopped drinking, one drink can indeed hurt, potentially triggering a relapse or some less than savoury behaviour. Respect their choice and don’t pressure them to break their commitment to sobriety.
2. “I didn’t think your drinking was that bad.”
Everyone’s relationship with alcohol is different, and it’s not up to others to judge whether someone’s drinking was “bad enough” to warrant quitting. Saying this minimises their struggles and the courage it took to make a change. Their decision to stop drinking is valid, regardless of how their consumption appeared to others.
3. “You must be so boring now.”
This one gets me fuming since it implies that a person’s entire personality was tied to alcohol. It’s both insulting and incorrect. Many people find they’re more engaged, present, and fun when sober. Sobriety often leads to discovering new interests and ways to enjoy life without alcohol.
4. “I guess we can’t hang out anymore.”
Suggesting that your friendship was solely based on drinking together is both hurtful and short-sighted. There are countless ways to socialise and have fun without alcohol, though many people don’t seem to understand that. Saying this might make the person feel isolated when they need support the most.
5. “How long are you going to do this for?”
Treating sobriety like a temporary phase or a fad diet is disrespectful. For many, stopping drinking is a lifelong commitment. Even if it’s not, questioning the duration of their sobriety implies you’re waiting for them to start drinking again, which can be discouraging.
6. “You didn’t even drink that much.”
This shows a lack of understanding about alcohol use disorders. The amount someone drinks isn’t always indicative of their struggle with alcohol. Some people choose to quit even if they weren’t heavy drinkers. Their decision is personal and doesn’t require justification based on quantity.
7. “I bet you feel so much better now.”
While well-intentioned, this assumption oversimplifies the recovery process. Early sobriety can be challenging, with ups and downs. Some people might not feel better right away, and that’s okay. It’s better to ask how they’re feeling rather than making assumptions.
8. “Do you mind if I drink around you?”
This question puts the person in an awkward position. They might feel obligated to say it’s fine, even if it makes them uncomfortable. Instead, try to be mindful of their needs without putting them on the spot. If you’re unsure, have a private conversation about their preferences.
9. “You must have hit rock bottom.”
Not everyone who stops drinking has a dramatic “rock bottom” moment, and assuming otherwise can make someone feel like their struggles weren’t valid unless they experienced severe consequences. People choose sobriety for various reasons, and all are valid.
10. “I could never give up drinking.”
This can come across as dismissive of the person’s efforts and strength (and also a bit sad on the person saying it, to be fair). It unnecessarily centres the conversation on you rather than supporting your friend. Instead, try expressing admiration for their decision without comparing it to your own habits.
11. “Don’t you miss it?”
Asking someone this can trigger cravings or nostalgia for drinking, which might be hard for someone in recovery. Even if they do miss aspects of drinking, dwelling on it isn’t helpful. Focus on the positive aspects of their new lifestyle instead.
12. “You’re no fun anymore.”
This is cruel because it implies that a person’s worth is tied to their willingness to drink. It’s not only hurtful but also likely untrue. Many people find they become more genuinely fun and engaged in social situations once they’re sober.
13. “I didn’t invite you because I thought you wouldn’t want to be around alcohol.”
While it might seem considerate, excluding someone from events because alcohol will be present can make them feel isolated. It’s better to invite them and let them decide if they’re comfortable attending. They might appreciate being included, even if they choose not to come.
14. “You’re so brave, I could never do that.”
While meant as a compliment, this can put unnecessary pressure on the person. It also frames sobriety as something extraordinary rather than a normal lifestyle choice. A simple “I’m proud of you” or “I support your decision” is often more appreciated.
15. “Are you an alcoholic now?”
This question is invasive and based on outdated notions of addiction. Many people choose to stop drinking without identifying as alcoholics. Labels can be stigmatising, and it’s up to the individual to define their relationship with alcohol.
16. “One day at a time, right?”
While this phrase is common in recovery circles, it can feel patronising coming from someone who hasn’t experienced addiction. Unless the person uses this phrase themselves, it’s best to avoid recovery clichés and instead offer genuine, personalised support.
17. “I bet you save so much money now.”
While potentially true, this comment reduces the complex decision to stop drinking to a mere financial benefit. Sobriety is about much more than saving money. It overlooks the emotional, physical, and personal growth aspects of the journey.
