Most of us are taught as kids to be nice, but plenty of adults appear to have left that concept behind.
So many people are quite happy to say rude things without thinking — or caring about how they’ll affect the person on the receiving end. Here are some of the worst things you’re likely to hear come out of their mouths. They make it hard to keep your cool, but don’t stoop to their level!
1. “You always…” or “You never…”
These absolute statements are not only rarely accurate, but they also invalidate someone’s feelings and experiences. They can make people feel trapped and misunderstood, as if their efforts are never recognised or appreciated. Instead of generalising, try to be specific and focus on the behaviour or action that’s bothering you, rather than making a sweeping statement about someone’s character.
2. “You’re so sensitive.”
Way to dismiss someone’s emotions and makes them feel like their feelings are invalid! This immediately shuts down communication and avoids accountability for hurtful words or actions. Instead of dismissing people’s sensitivity, try to understand where they’re coming from and validate their feelings. You don’t have to agree with them, but you can acknowledge that their emotions are real and valid.
3. “You should be grateful for…”
This gem downplays the other person’s struggles and makes them feel like they shouldn’t complain or express their feelings. It can be invalidating and dismissive, especially if someone is going through a difficult time. Instead of telling people to be grateful, try to offer support and empathy. Let them know that you hear them and that you’re there for them.
4. “That’s not a big deal.”
What might seem trivial to you could be a major issue for someone else. This minimises the person’s problems and makes them feel like their concerns aren’t important. It can also be dismissive and invalidating, especially if someone is looking for support or validation. Instead of dismissing people’s concerns, try to listen and validate their feelings. Let them know that you understand why they’re upset and that you’re there to help.
5. “You’re overreacting.”
This invalidates the person’s emotional response and makes them feel like their feelings aren’t justified. It can be hurtful and dismissive, especially if someone is trying to open up about their vulnerability or pain. Don’t tell people they’re overreacting; try to understand their perspective and validate their emotions. You don’t have to agree with their reaction, but you can acknowledge that their feelings are real.
6. “Calm down.”
This phrase often has the opposite effect of what’s intended. It can make people feel even more agitated and frustrated, especially if they’re already feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Instead of telling people to calm down, try to offer a listening ear and a supportive presence. Let them vent their frustrations and offer reassurance that you’re there for them.
7. “I was only joking.”
While humour can be a great way to connect with people, it’s important to think about how your jokes are received. If someone is hurt or offended by your joke, it’s not enough to simply say you were joking. A genuine apology and acknowledgement of their feelings can go a long way in repairing the relationship. Remember, humour should bring people together, not push them apart.
8. “You’re so dramatic.”
This minimises the person’s emotions and makes them feel like they’re being unreasonable or excessive. It can be hurtful and dismissive, especially if someone is trying to voice their genuine feelings. Instead of accusing someone of being dramatic, try to listen and validate their emotions. Let them know that you understand why they’re upset and that you’re there to support them.
9. “Why can’t you be more like [insert name]?”
Comparisons are rarely helpful or constructive. This phrase can make people feel inadequate and like they’re not good enough. It also undermines their individuality and makes them feel like they have to be someone they’re not. Instead of comparing people to anyone else, focus on their unique strengths and qualities. Celebrate their individuality and encourage them to be their best selves, rather than trying to fit them into a mould.
10. “You’re too old/young for that.”
Ageism is a real issue, and this phrase is a prime example of it. It can be incredibly dismissive and invalidating, especially when someone is trying to pursue their passions or dreams. Age should not be a barrier to pursuing what you love. Instead of focusing on someone’s age, focus on their abilities, their enthusiasm, and their willingness to learn and grow.
11. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
This totally dismisses the person’s current experiences and feelings, implying that they lack the maturity or wisdom to understand the situation. It can be incredibly patronising and frustrating, especially when someone is trying to express their valid concerns or opinions. Instead of dismissing someone’s perspective, try to engage in a meaningful conversation and understand where they’re coming from.
12. “It’s all in your head.”
This is an attempt to completely invalidate the person on the receiving end, making them feel like they’re imagining things or being overly dramatic. It can be incredibly hurtful and dismissive, especially if someone is struggling with mental health issues or dealing with trauma. Instead of dismissing people’s cconcerns, try to listen and validate their feelings. Offer support and resources, and encourage them to seek professional help if needed.
13. “You brought this on yourself.”
This blames the victim and shifts responsibility away from the perpetrator. It can be incredibly harmful and hurtful, especially in situations of abuse, trauma, or injustice. It’s important to remember that no one deserves to be mistreated, regardless of their actions or choices. Instead of blaming the victim, offer support, empathy, and resources.
14. “You’re just jealous.”
This is a way to deflect valid criticism by acting like the other person doesn’t have a point. It can be dismissive and insulting, especially if someone is airing a genuine concern or observation. Instead of accusing someone of jealousy, try to understand their perspective and address their concerns. Open communication and honesty can help to resolve misunderstandings and build stronger relationships.
15. “You’re too emotional.”
Emotions are a natural and valid part of the human experience. This phrase shames people for opening up about their feelings and can be particularly harmful to women, who are often stereotyped as being overly emotional. It’s important to acknowledge and validate people’s emotions, rather than dismissing them as irrational or weak. Emotional intelligence is a strength, not a weakness.
16. “You’re being difficult.”
This is often used to silence dissent and shut down conversations. It can be intimidating and make people feel like they have to conform to avoid conflict. But it’s important to remember that it’s okay to have different opinions and to express them respectfully. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, even if it makes you “difficult” in someone else’s eyes.
17. “I don’t care.”
This is the ultimate conversation killer. It conveys a lack of interest, empathy, or concern for the other person. It can be incredibly hurtful and leave people feeling dismissed and unimportant. Even if you don’t agree with someone’s perspective, it’s important to show respect and engage in a meaningful conversation. A simple “I hear you” can go a long way in building bridges and increase understanding.
