Our parents are supposed to be our first loves, our safe havens, and our biggest cheerleaders.
Sadly, that’s not the reality sometimes. Maybe you grew up feeling unseen, unheard, or unloved. Perhaps there was a void where affection and support should have been. If you’re wondering if you didn’t receive the love you deserved from your parents, here are some subtle signs to consider. Remember, recognising these signs is the first step towards healing and creating a more fulfilling life for yourself.
1. You struggle to set boundaries.
Growing up without clear boundaries can leave you feeling unsure of your own needs and limits. You might find it difficult to say no, even when it’s in your best interest. You might overextend yourself to please other people, or struggle to assert your own needs in relationships. This can lead to resentment, burnout, and a sense of being taken advantage of.
2. You get your validation externally.
When you didn’t receive enough love and affirmation from your parents, you might look for it elsewhere. You might want constant approval from friends, partners, or even strangers. You might tie your self-worth to your achievements or external validation, leaving you feeling empty and unfulfilled when those external sources are unavailable or unreliable.
3. You have intense trust issues.
If your early experiences taught you that love and affection are conditional or unreliable, you might find it hard to trust people. Maybe you’re overly cautious in relationships, always expecting the worst, or struggle to let people in. This can lead to isolation, loneliness, and missed opportunities for connection.
4. You’re overly critical of yourself.
Growing up without unconditional love and support can lead to a harsh inner critic. You might constantly berate yourself for your mistakes, focus on your flaws, or feel like you’re never good enough. This negative self-talk can destroy your self-esteem and prevent you from reaching your full potential.
5. You have trouble expressing your emotions.
If your parents didn’t create a safe space for you to express your emotions, you likely learned to suppress them. It’s possible you find it difficult to identify and articulate your feelings, or you may resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms like anger, withdrawal, or substance abuse. Learning to express your emotions in a healthy way is crucial for your mental and emotional well-being.
6. You struggle with intimacy and vulnerability.
If you didn’t experience healthy emotional intimacy with your parents, you might find it hard to let people in. Perhaps you shy away from close relationships, avoid vulnerability, or struggle to trust people with your deepest thoughts and feelings. This can hinder your ability to form meaningful connections and experience true intimacy.
7. You have a deep-seated fear of abandonment.
If you didn’t feel secure and loved as a child, you might develop a fear of abandonment. You could cling to relationships, even unhealthy ones, out of fear of being alone. Or, maybe you become overly accommodating or people-pleasing in an attempt to avoid rejection. This fear can limit your choices and prevent you from experiencing healthy, fulfilling relationships.
8. You have a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable partners.
Our early experiences can shape our expectations and patterns in relationships. If you didn’t receive the love and affection you deserved as a child, you might unconsciously be drawn to partners who are also emotionally unavailable. This can lead to a cycle of unfulfilling relationships and perpetuate the feeling of not being loved or valued.
9. You feel a constant need to prove yourself.
If you grew up feeling like you had to earn your parents’ love and approval, you might carry that need for validation into adulthood. You may constantly strive to achieve, succeed, or be perfect, hoping to finally feel worthy of love and acceptance. This can be exhausting and lead to burnout, as you’re always chasing an elusive goal.
10. You have difficulty setting healthy boundaries with your parents.
Even as an adult, you may struggle to say no to your parents or assert your own needs and boundaries. You could feel obligated to please them, even if it comes at the expense of your own well-being. This can create resentment and conflict, and prevent you from fully stepping into your own autonomy.
11. You often feel guilty or ashamed of your own needs and desires.
If your parents didn’t validate your emotions or prioritise your needs as a child, you might have internalised the message that your needs are unimportant or even selfish. This can lead to feelings of guilt or shame when you express your desires or prioritise your own well-being. It’s important to remember that your needs are valid, and it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.
12. You have a hard time receiving compliments or praise.
If you didn’t receive enough positive reinforcement as a child, you might find it difficult to accept compliments or praise. You might brush them off, downplay your achievements, or even feel uncomfortable when someone acknowledges your strengths. Learning to receive compliments graciously is an important step towards building self-esteem and recognising your own worth.
13. You have a tendency to self-sabotage.
If you grew up believing that you weren’t worthy of love or success, you might unconsciously sabotage your own happiness and achievements. This could manifest as procrastination, self-destructive behaviours, or a pattern of choosing unhealthy relationships. Recognising these patterns and looking for help to overcome them is incredibly important for breaking free from this cycle.
14. You feel a sense of emptiness or longing.
Even if you’ve achieved success in other areas of your life, you might still feel a deep sense of emptiness or longing. This could be a sign that you’re still searching for the love and validation you didn’t receive from your parents. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and find healthy ways to fill that void, whether it’s through therapy, self-care, or building strong, supportive relationships.
15. You struggle with self-love and acceptance.
If you didn’t receive unconditional love and acceptance from your parents, you might find it difficult to love and accept yourself. You might be overly critical of your flaws and imperfections, or struggle to see your own worth and value. Practising self-compassion, setting healthy boundaries, and speaking to a licenced counsellor can help you cultivate a more positive and loving relationship with yourself.
16. You have difficulty forming healthy attachments.
Early attachment patterns can influence our relationships throughout life. If you didn’t experience secure attachment with your parents, you might struggle to form healthy attachments. Maybe you can’t trust anyone, you’re bad at expressing your feelings, or maintaining healthy boundaries. Therapy can help you understand these patterns and develop healthier relationship skills.
17. You have a strong desire to break the cycle with your own children.
Source: Unsplash If you recognise these signs in yourself, you might have a strong desire to create a different experience for your own children. You might be determined to provide them with the love, support, and validation that you didn’t receive. This desire can be a powerful motivator for healing your own wounds and creating a more loving and nurturing environment for your family.
