The words we use have power, and if we don’t pick the right ones, we can cause the people in our lives a lot of unnecessary stress and worry.
Obviously, there are times when you’ll legitimately have an issue you need advice on, or you’ll be going through a tough time and need to vent — that’s okay. However, using these phrases with people you love is likely going to stoke anxiety or uncertainty, and that’s the last thing you want!
1. “We need to talk.”
This is a one that can cause an immediate spike in anxiety. It’s so vague that it leaves the other person thinking, What’s wrong? Did I do something? Rather than putting them on edge, try softening it with something like, “Hey, there’s something I’d love to chat about when you have a minute.” That way, it doesn’t sound like they’re about to be hit with bad news.
2. “Did you get my text?”
If someone hasn’t responded yet, it’s likely because they’re busy or haven’t had the chance to reply. Asking this can make them feel pressured or guilty. Instead, give them a little breathing room. You might say, “I know you’re swamped, just following up when you get a chance.” This shows you understand their time is valuable, but that you still hope for a response when they can manage.
3. “You’ll never believe what happened!”
Although it can sound fun or exciting, this builds suspense that can make the other person brace themselves for something bad before you even explain. You can avoid making them anxious by rephrasing: “I’ve got a bit of crazy news—wait ’til you hear this!” It keeps the excitement without making them worry something awful has happened.
4. “Why haven’t you done that yet?”
This can sound accusatory, like you’re suggesting they’ve dropped the ball. Instead of putting them on the defensive, try something gentler: “Hey, I know you’ve got a lot going on—just wanted to check if you need any help with that.” This acknowledges that life can get hectic and doesn’t come across as a dig.
5. “We need to figure this out now.”
Phrasing things in this way adds unnecessary urgency and makes the other person feel pressured to solve things immediately. Instead, try, “Let’s work through this soon. When’s a good time for you?” That way, you’re showing the importance of the issue without creating unnecessary stress.
6. “I’ll explain later.”
Source: Unsplash Leaving someone hanging without context can stir up anxiety as they wonder what it’s all about. If you can’t get into the details straight away, at least offer some reassurance. For example, “I’ll explain more when we catch up, but don’t worry—it’s nothing bad!” This will stop them from overthinking.
7. “I thought you knew about this already.”
This can easily make someone feel like they’ve missed something important or been left out of the loop. Instead, you could say, “I thought it came up before, but no worries if it didn’t—here’s the scoop.” It helps them feel included without any added stress.
8. “Can we talk when you get a chance?”
Even though it sounds polite, it can still set off alarm bells. Instead, try being more specific and reassuring: “Hey, it’s nothing urgent, but I’d love to talk when you’ve got a moment.” This takes the pressure off and lets them know there’s no need for concern.
9. “I’m fine.”
When it’s obvious that you’re not fine, saying this only makes the other person more anxious because they don’t know what’s really going on. Instead, be honest but brief: “I’m not feeling great, but I’ll be okay. Let’s talk later when I’m ready.” This way, they’ll know you’re going through something but won’t worry unnecessarily.
10. “I have a favour to ask.”
Source: Unsplash When you lead with this, it instantly puts someone in a position where they feel like they have to say yes, even if they’re overwhelmed. Instead, you could say, “If you’re up for it, I could use your help with something. No worries if it’s not the right time.” This gives them the option to decline without feeling bad.
11. “You wouldn’t understand.”
This can make someone feel shut out or belittled, as though their perspective doesn’t matter. Instead, try something like, “It’s a bit tricky, but I’d love to explain it to you if you’re interested.” It invites them into the conversation rather than making them feel excluded.
12. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
This can feel like you’re questioning their judgement, making them second-guess themselves. A more supportive way to ask would be, “What led you to that decision? I’d love to hear your thinking.” This opens up a discussion without putting them on the spot.
13. “We need to have this done by tomorrow.”
If something needs to be done last-minute, it can easily spike someone’s stress. Instead, try framing it with a bit more empathy: “I know it’s tight, but is there any way we can work on this by tomorrow? If not, let’s see what other options we’ve got.” This shows you’re aware of the pressure but are open to finding solutions.
14. “I thought you were going to handle that.”
This can make someone feel like they’ve dropped the ball, even if they didn’t know it was their responsibility. Instead, approach it with understanding: “I know you’ve been juggling a lot—do you need a hand with this, or should we figure out another plan?” This way, you offer support without coming across as accusatory.
15. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
This can feel like you’re casting doubt on their decisions, which isn’t helpful when they’re already unsure. Instead, try asking, “What made you decide on that? I’m curious to hear your thought process.” It invites conversation without making them feel like they need to defend their choices.
16. “You always do this.”
Saying this makes it sound like there’s a long-standing issue with no room for change. Instead of generalising, focus on the current situation: “This seems to be coming up again—how do you think we can approach it differently?” It feels less like an attack and more like a team effort to find a solution.
17. “I’m just being honest.”
While honesty is important, using this line before or after something critical can make it seem like you’re being harsh for the sake of it. A more thoughtful approach might be, “I want to be honest with you, but I also want to be careful with how I say this because I care about how you feel.” This keeps the conversation honest but respectful.
