Manners matter, and sometimes it’s clearer what good manners are by identifying what they’re not.
“Please” and “thank you” are good starters, but they’re far from what manners are all about. One thing’s for sure, though — anyone who says these things lacks kindness, consideration, and basic politeness.
1. “What’s in it for me?”
This just screams self-centredness. People with manners understand the value of helping others without always expecting something in return. They know that kindness and generosity often come back around in unexpected ways. By focusing on mutual benefit rather than personal gain, they build stronger, more positive relationships.
2. “I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
While it’s good to be confident, this often points to a lack of consideration for others’ feelings. Well-mannered people understand that their actions impact those around them and take that into account. They strike a balance between being true to themselves and being mindful of how their behaviour affects everyone around them.
3. “That’s not my problem.”
This dismissive statement shows a lack of empathy and unwillingness to help. People with good manners might not always be able to solve other people’s problems, but they at least show concern and offer support where they can. They understand that a community thrives when its members look out for each other.
4. “Do you know who I am?”
This reeks of entitlement and arrogance. Those raised with manners understand that everyone deserves respect, regardless of their status or position. They know that true respect is earned through actions and character, not demanded based on perceived importance.
5. “I’m just being honest.”
Often used as an excuse for rudeness, this ignores the importance of tact. Well-mannered people know how to be truthful without being hurtful. They understand that honesty and kindness are not mutually exclusive and strive to communicate in a way that respects other people’s feelings.
6. “Whatever.”
This dismissive response shows a lack of respect for the conversation and the other person’s viewpoint. Those with manners engage in discussions more thoughtfully, even if they disagree. They understand that effective communication involves active listening and considerate responses, even in tough conversations.
7. “It’s not my fault.”
Constantly deflecting blame is a sign of poor manners. Well-raised people take responsibility for their actions and apologise when they’ve made a mistake. They understand that owning up to their mistakes is a sign of maturity and integrity, which earns respect from other people.
8. “You’re too sensitive.”
This completely invalidates other people’s feelings. People with good manners try to understand and respect other people’s emotions, even if they don’t share them. They recognise that everyone experiences and expresses emotions differently, and they practise empathy rather than dismissal.
9. “I’m not going to wait.”
Impatience is often a sign of poor manners. Those raised well understand that sometimes waiting is necessary and do so graciously. They get that patience is not just a virtue, but a practical skill that helps deal with the inevitable delays and inconveniences that pop up in life without losing their cool.
10. “That’s stupid.”
Dismissing ideas or opinions as “stupid” is rude and completely shuts down conversation. Well-mannered people express disagreement more respectfully and are open to hearing different perspectives. They understand that diverse viewpoints can lead to better solutions and more interesting conversations.
11. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.”
This harsh shutdown shows a lack of respect for other people’s input. Those with good manners are more open to feedback and can decline advice graciously if they don’t want it. They understand that different perspectives can be valuable, even if unsolicited.
12. “You owe me.”
Keeping score in relationships is poor form. People with manners give freely without expectation and don’t hold favours over other people’s heads. They recognise that genuine kindness is its own reward and that relationships thrive on mutual generosity, not obligation.
13. “Not my job.”
While it’s okay to have boundaries at work, this usually conveys an unwillingness to help or be a team player. Those with good manners are more likely to offer assistance or politely explain why they can’t help. They understand that cooperation and flexibility contribute to a positive work environment.
14. “You should…”
Starting sentences with “You should” can come across as bossy or presumptuous. Well-mannered people offer suggestions more gently and respect other people’s autonomy in decision-making. They prefer to use phrases that invite discussion rather than dictate actions.
15. “I’m bored.”
Announcing boredom, especially in social situations, is impolite. Those raised with manners find ways to engage themselves or other people rather than complaining about their state of mind. They understand that it’s their responsibility to find interest in their surroundings or activities.
16. “Leave me alone.”
While everyone needs space sometimes, this blunt phrase can be hurtful. People with good manners find more tactful ways to express their need for solitude. They might say something like, “I need some time to myself right now, can we talk later?”
17. “I don’t have time for this.”
This dismissive statement can make people feel unimportant. Well-mannered people manage their time without making others feel like a burden, even when they’re busy. They might instead say, “I’m on a tight schedule right now, but let’s find a better time to discuss this.”
