Growing up with a narcissistic mother can leave a lasting impact on your life. It’s not just about the obvious scars, like low self-esteem or trust issues. It can also affect your relationships, career choices, and even your sense of identity. If you’re wondering if your upbringing is still influencing you, here are some signs that might resonate.
1. You struggle with chronic self-doubt and low self-esteem.
A narcissistic mother often belittles and criticises their child, making them feel inadequate and unworthy. This can lead to a deep-seated belief that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough, Psychology Today notes. You might constantly seek validation from anyone who will give it to you, and you struggle to believe in yourself and your abilities.
2. You have a fear of abandonment and rejection.
Narcissistic mothers can be emotionally distant and inconsistent in their affection, leaving their children feeling insecure and afraid of abandonment. This can manifest as clinginess in relationships, a constant need for reassurance, and a fear of being alone or rejected.
3. You’re a chronic people-pleaser.
Source: Unsplash Growing up with a narcissistic mother often means learning to prioritise their needs and desires above your own. This can lead to a pattern of people-pleasing behaviour where you constantly seek approval and validation from other people, even at the expense of your own well-being. You might find it difficult to say no or assert your own needs and boundaries.
4. You just can’t trust people.
Source: Unsplash Narcissistic mothers often manipulate and gaslight their children, making them doubt their own perceptions and reality. This can lead to trust issues in adulthood, making it difficult to form close relationships or believe that people have your best interests at heart.
5. You feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
Narcissistic mothers often make their children feel responsible for their emotional well-being. This can lead to a sense of guilt and obligation to always put other people’s needs before your own. You might feel like you have to fix their problems or make them happy, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness in the process.
6. You struggle with perfectionism.
Source: Unsplash The constant criticism and high expectations of a narcissistic mother can create a drive for perfectionism in their children. You might feel like you have to be perfect in every aspect of your life to avoid criticism or disappointment. This can lead to unrealistic expectations, burnout, and a fear of failure.
7. You have difficulty setting boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Growing up with a narcissistic mother can make it difficult to establish healthy boundaries in relationships. You might feel guilty for saying no, feel obligated to please everyone, or have difficulty distinguishing between your own needs and other people’s, too. Learning to set and enforce boundaries is crucial for protecting your emotional well-being.
8. You’re highly sensitive to criticism and rejection.
Source: Unsplash Because of the constant criticism and emotional neglect experienced in childhood, you might be overly sensitive to any perceived criticism or rejection in adulthood. This can lead to feelings of shame, inadequacy, and self-doubt.
9. You feel like you’re constantly competing with your siblings or other family members.
A narcissistic mother often pits her children against each other, creating a sense of competition for her love and approval. You might have grown up feeling like you had to constantly outperform your siblings or other family members to be worthy of your mother’s attention. This can create lasting feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and resentment.
10. You have difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries with your mother.
Source: Unsplash Narcissistic mothers often have a difficult time respecting their children’s boundaries. They might invade your privacy, criticise your choices, or expect you to always be available for them. This can make it difficult to establish a healthy and independent relationship with your mother, even as an adult.
11. You feel guilty for not meeting your mother’s expectations.
Source: Unsplash A narcissistic mother often sets unrealistic expectations for their children, which can be impossible to meet. You might feel like you’re constantly falling short and never good enough, no matter how hard you try. This can lead to a sense of guilt and obligation to always please your mother, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.
12. You have a difficult time saying “no” to your mother.
Because of the fear of disapproval or rejection, you might find it hard to say “no” to your mother, even when you don’t have the time or energy to do what she wants. This can lead to resentment and a feeling of being taken advantage of, Verywell Mind explains. Learning to assert your needs and set boundaries is crucial for your own well-being.
13. You feel like you can never do anything right in your mother’s eyes.
No matter how hard you try, it might feel like you can never please your mother. She might criticise your choices, dismiss your accomplishments, or find fault with everything you do. This constant negativity can be demoralising and erode your self-confidence.
14. You feel emotionally drained after spending time with your mother.
Source: Unsplash Interactions with your mother might leave you feeling exhausted, depleted, and emotionally drained. This is because narcissistic mothers often demand a lot of energy and attention, and they can be emotionally manipulative. It’s important to prioritise your own well-being and limit your exposure to their negativity.
15. You feel like you have to protect yourself from your mother.
Source: Unsplash If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, you might have developed coping mechanisms to protect yourself from her emotional abuse. You might have learned to distance yourself emotionally, shut down your feelings, or avoid confrontation. These defence mechanisms might have helped you survive your childhood, but they can also hinder your ability to form healthy relationships in adulthood.
16. You’re still trying to earn your mother’s love and approval, even as an adult.
The need for love and approval from our parents is a natural human desire. But if you’re still seeking validation from your narcissistic mother, even as an adult, it can be a sign that you haven’t fully healed from the emotional wounds of your childhood. It’s important to recognise that you can’t change your mother, but you can change how you react to her and prioritise your own well-being.
