Always seeing the best in people is a noble quality, for sure, but that means sometimes you might miss the warning signs that someone’s really not very nice.
You want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but if they’re waving some majorly red flags, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself so that you don’t get hurt. If someone in your life has these qualities, their heart definitely isn’t in the right place. Don’t waste another second of your time on them!
1. They’re always the victim in their stories.
If every tale they tell paints them as the helpless victim, be wary. Life can be tough, sure, but if they never take responsibility for their part in things, it’s a bit suspect. Someone with their heart in the right place can usually admit when they’ve messed up.
2. They’re nice to you, but rude to everyone else.
Pay attention to how they treat waiters, shop assistants, or anyone they perceive as ‘beneath’ them. If they’re all charm with you but nasty to other people, that’s a massive red flag. A good heart doesn’t pick and choose who deserves kindness.
3. They can never bring themselves to be happy for other people when good things happen to them.
When good things happen to other people, they either ignore it or find a way to bring the conversation back to themselves. A person with a good heart can be happy for people without making it about them. If they can’t share in other people’s joy, something’s definitely off.
4. They’re constantly gossiping or spreading rumours.
A little gossip here and there is human nature, but if they’re always talking behind people’s backs, watch out. Someone who genuinely cares about other people doesn’t get joy from tearing them down. If they’re gossiping to you, they’re probably gossiping about you too.
5. They never apologise or admit they’re wrong.
We all make mistakes, but a person with their heart in the right place can own up to them. If they never apologise or always find a way to blame other people, it’s a sign they’re more concerned with their image than with doing the right thing.
6. They’re only nice when they want something.
Notice the pattern of their kindness. Does it only come out when they need a favour? If their niceness has strings attached, it’s not genuine. True kindness doesn’t keep score or expect payback.
7. They enjoy making other people feel small or stupid.
If they get a kick out of belittling other people or making them feel inferior, run for the hills. A good heart lifts people up, it doesn’t tear them down. Watch out for backhanded compliments or ‘jokes’ at other people’s expense.
8. They’re always trying to one-up everyone.
Every conversation becomes a competition. If you’ve had a bad day, they’ve had a worse one. If you’ve achieved something, they’ve done something better. This constant need to ‘win’ shows they’re more concerned with their ego than with genuine connection.
9. They can’t keep promises or commitments.
We all have to cancel plans sometimes, but if it’s a constant thing with them, be cautious. Someone with their heart in the right place values their word and respects other people’s time. Chronic flakiness shows a lack of consideration for everyone around them.
10. They’re quick to anger over small things.
If they fly off the handle at minor inconveniences, it’s a red flag. A person with a good heart can usually keep things in perspective. Constant anger over small stuff suggests they’re not coming from a place of kindness or understanding.
11. They never take an interest in your life.
Conversations are always one-sided, focusing on their issues and interests. If they never ask about your day or remember important things in your life, it shows a lack of genuine care. A good heart is interested in other people, not just in themselves.
12. They’re always trying to change or ‘fix’ you.
While constructive feedback from loved ones can be helpful, constant criticism isn’t. If they’re always pointing out your flaws or trying to mould you into their ideal, it’s not coming from a good place. Someone with their heart in the right place accepts you as you are.
13. They use guilt or manipulation to get their way.
Watch out for emotional blackmail or subtle manipulation tactics. If they often make you feel guilty for not doing what they want, it’s a sign their heart isn’t in the right place. Healthy relationships don’t rely on guilt trips or emotional coercion.
14. They can’t handle not being the centre of attention.
If they always need to be in the spotlight and get moody when they’re not, be cautious. A person with a good heart can step back and let other people shine. Constant attention-seeking behaviour often masks a lack of genuine care for other people.
15. They’re nice in public but different in private.
Source: Unsplash Pay attention to how they act when no one’s watching, versus in public. If there’s a stark difference, with them being charming in public but mean or indifferent in private, it’s a red flag. A truly good heart is consistent, not just for show.
16. They don’t respect your boundaries.
If they consistently push past your comfort zones or ignore your stated limits, that’s not coming from a good place. Someone with their heart in the right place respects other people’s boundaries, even if they don’t fully understand them. Your ‘no’ should be enough for them.
