If you’ve ever been left wondering if someone’s genuinely interested in you as a person or just what you can offer, you know just how devastating it can be.
You think they care about you and are your friend, but you’re just not entirely sure. Maybe they say or do certain things that put question marks in your head, or maybe your gut is just telling you something is “off.” Either way, if any of these things are happening, your hunch is probably right — they’re using you.
1. They only listen when it benefits them.
Ever noticed how some people seem to have supersonic hearing when you mention a night out or a fancy new gadget, but suddenly go deaf when you’re talking about your day? One minute they’re nodding along, the next they’re giving you a blank stare that screams, “Does this benefit me?”
2. Their compliments are always self-serving.
We all love a good compliment, but when they start feeling like a currency exchange, something’s off. It’s as if every nice word comes with an unspoken “Now you owe me” attached. Maybe they’re constantly praising your cooking skills, but only when they’re hungry. Or they’re always banging on about how clever you are right before asking for help with their taxes. If their kind words feel less like genuine appreciation and more like a prelude to a favour, it might be time to wonder if they’re buttering you up for their own gain.
3. They’re only around when they need something.
One day, they’re blowing up your phone, the next they’ve vanished. However, as soon as they need something, they reappear in a puff of smoke, armed with excuses and requests. It’s like they’ve got some sort of radar that only activates when there’s something to be gained.
4. They never reciprocate favours.
Relationships should be a two-way street, not a one-way motorway with them in the fast lane. If you find yourself constantly helping out, offering advice, or sharing resources, while they conveniently forget to reciprocate, you might be dealing with a taker in friend’s clothing.
5. They remember your promises but forget their own.
Isn’t it strange how some people have a memory like a steel trap when it comes to remembering favours you owe them, but suddenly develop amnesia when it’s their turn to return the favour? It’s as if their brain has a selective delete button for anything that doesn’t directly benefit them. Your friend can recite word-for-word the time you promised to help them move house three months ago, but conveniently forgets they agreed to water your plants last week. Lovely.
6. Their sympathy is short-lived.
Source: Unsplash We all have those days when we need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend, but if your friend’s sympathy is all but non-existent, there’s a problem. They seem to have an internal timer for how long they can pretend to care before switching the conversation back to themselves. Clearly, their empathy is more performative than genuine.
7. They always redirect conversations to themselves.
Ever tried to share an exciting piece of news or a personal achievement, only to have them hijack the conversation and make it all about them? You could be talking about landing your dream job, and somehow, within seconds, they’ve turned it into a monologue about their work woes. They’re not invested in your life at all, clearly.
8. Their help always comes with strings attached.
On the surface, they might seem incredibly generous. They’re always offering to help or giving you things, but look closer, and you’ll notice that their generosity often comes with a hidden price tag. It’s like they’re keeping a mental ledger of every kind act, ready to cash in when they need something.
9. They’re experts at making you feel guilty.
Ever feel like you’re walking on eggshells around someone, afraid that any misstep might trigger a tsunami of guilt? These masters of manipulation have a way of making you feel responsible for their happiness, success, or even their breakfast choices. They’ve got an arsenal of subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways to make you feel like you’re constantly falling short.
10. They only show interest when you have something to offer.
Source: Unsplash It’s uncanny how some people seem to have a sixth sense for predicting exactly when you might be useful to them. Got a promotion? Suddenly, they’re your biggest cheerleader. Landed a gig at a swanky restaurant? They’re dying to catch up over dinner. It’s like they’ve got a personal radar that pings whenever you acquire something they might benefit from.
11. They’re uncomfortable with your success.
If your “friend’ seems to break out in hives every time you share good news, something’s off. It’s as if your success is a personal affront to them, unless of course, they can somehow piggyback on it. If your wins are met with radio silence or thinly veiled jealousy, unless there’s something in it for them, it might be time to reconsider if they’re really in your corner.
12. Their support is always conditional.
True friends are there for you through thick and thin, but if your friend’s support feels more conditional than unconditional, you might want to read the fine print. They’re all ears when you’re talking about your new business venture, but only if you promise to hire them. They’ll help you move house, but only if you agree to host every future game night. Their support feels less like a gift and more like a transaction.
13. They constantly steer conversations to their advantage.
They’re great at turning conversation topics to things that benefit them the most. You yourself constantly wondering how on earth you ended up agreeing to buy their cousin’s handmade artisanal toothpicks when you were initially just chatting about the weather. You’re obviously dealing with a master of conversational manipulation.
14. Their loyalty changes based on what’s best for them.
One day, they’re singing your praises like you’re the next big thing, the next they’re ghosting you. Their allegiance seems to shift with the wind, or more accurately, with whatever’s most beneficial to them at the moment.
15. They constantly name-drop to impress you.
If your friend seems to mention their “close personal friend” who happens to be a celebrity/CEO/influencer in every other sentence, something’s fishy. The kicker is that their name-dropping often come with not-so-subtle hints about how you could benefit from an introduction (for a small favour, of course). Your conversations often feel less like friendly chats and more like networking events.
16. Their emotional investment is superficial.
On the surface, they might seem deeply invested in your life and how you’re doing. They ask about your day, remember your birthday, and even surprise you with the occasional thoughtful gesture. However, dig a little deeper, and you’ll notice that their emotional involvement comes with caveats. They’re all ears when you’re talking about your promotion, but mysteriously busy when you need a shoulder to cry on. Their interest in your life seems directly proportional to how much they can benefit from it.
