Being single is a valid and fulfilling lifestyle choice, but society often views it as a temporary situation or a problem to be solved.
Well-intentioned friends and family members can inadvertently cause hurt or frustration with their comments and questions about why you haven’t found someone yet or whether you’re lonely on your own. Think a bit more about what you say to the single people in your life, and avoid these phrases if you don’t want to offend them.
1. “Why are you still single? You’re such a catch!”
This seems like a compliment on the surface, but it actually implies that being single is undesirable or that there must be something wrong with your friend. It also suggests that their worth is tied to their relationship status, which can be hurtful and dismissive of their personal choices or circumstances. Instead, focus on celebrating their individual qualities and achievements without linking them to relationship status.
2. “You’re too picky. Maybe you should lower your standards.”
This suggests that your friend’s standards are unreasonable and that they should settle for less than what they desire in a partner. It undermines their judgement and implies that being in any relationship is better than being single. Respect your friend’s right to have standards and to wait for someone who meets them.
3. “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone eventually.”
While often said with good intentions, this assumes that your friend is worried about being single and that finding a partner is their ultimate goal. It dismisses the possibility that they might be content with their single status or focusing on other aspects of their life. Instead of making assumptions, ask about their feelings on relationships if the topic comes up naturally.
4. “Have you tried online dating? My cousin met her husband on Tinder!”
Unsolicited dating advice can be frustrating, especially when it assumes your friend hasn’t already explored various options. It also implies that they’re not doing enough to find a partner. If your friend wants dating advice, they’ll ask for it. Otherwise, trust that they’re capable of managing their own love life.
5. “You’re so lucky to be single. I wish I had your freedom.”
This comment romanticises single life and can make your friend feel like their experiences or challenges aren’t being taken seriously. It also suggests that relationships are inherently restrictive. Avoid comparing relationship statuses and instead focus on the unique aspects of each person’s life.
6. “Don’t you want to have children? You’re not getting any younger.”
This intrusive question not only assumes that everyone wants children but also puts unnecessary pressure on your friend regarding their biological clock. It’s a personal and often sensitive topic that shouldn’t be casually brought up. Let your friend discuss their plans for family and children if and when they choose to do so.
7. “You’re too independent. Maybe that scares people off.”
Suggesting that independence is a negative trait in relationships is problematic. It implies that your friend should change fundamental aspects of their personality to attract a partner. Independence is a valuable quality, and the right partner will appreciate it rather than be intimidated by it.
8. “Maybe you’re just not putting yourself out there enough.”
This assumes that your friend isn’t making enough effort to find a partner, and that being single is a result of their actions (or lack thereof). It disregards the possibility that they might be content with their current lifestyle or focusing on other priorities. Trust that your friend is capable of managing their social life and romantic pursuits as they see fit.
9. “I can’t imagine being single at your age.”
This is both ageist and judgmental. It implies that there’s a ‘correct’ timeline for relationships and that your friend has somehow fallen behind. Everyone’s life journey is different, and there’s no universal age limit for finding a partner or being single.
10. “You should come out more often. How else will you meet someone?”
While socialising can be enjoyable, this assumes that your friend’s primary goal when going out should be to find a partner. It also implies that their current social habits are inadequate. Respect your friend’s choices about how they spend their time, and don’t pressure them to socialise more than they’re comfortable with.
11. “Have you thought about changing your look? Maybe that would help.”
Suggesting that your friend needs to change their appearance to attract a partner is insensitive and can be damaging to their self-esteem. It implies that their worth is tied to their looks, and that they’re not attractive enough as they are. Appreciate your friend for who they are, not who you think they should be to attract a partner.
12. “I know the perfect person for you!”
While you might have good intentions, setting up your single friends without their consent can be presumptuous and uncomfortable. It assumes they’re actively looking for a partner and that you know better than they do about what they want in a relationship. If you genuinely think you know someone compatible, ask your friend first if they’re interested in being set up.
13. “Don’t you get lonely being single?”
This question assumes that single people are inherently lonely, and that romantic relationships are the only cure for loneliness. It disregards the fulfilling relationships your friend might have with family, friends, and themselves. Loneliness can occur in any relationship status, and being in a couple doesn’t guarantee freedom from loneliness.
14. “You’re so great with kids. It’s a shame you’re single.”
This suggests that your friend’s qualities are wasted because they’re not in a relationship or don’t have children. It reduces their worth to their potential as a parent or partner, ignoring their value as an individual. Appreciate your friend’s qualities for what they are, not for how they might be applied in a hypothetical relationship.
15. “Maybe you’re just too focused on your career.”
This implies that career success and romantic relationships are mutually exclusive, which is untrue. It also implies that your friend’s priorities are misplaced if they’re focusing on their professional life. Respect your friend’s choices and recognise that career focus can be a positive and fulfilling aspect of life, with or without a romantic partner.
16. “You’ll understand when you’re in a relationship.”
This dismissive comment suggests that single people can’t possibly understand certain life experiences or emotions. It’s condescending and invalidates your friend’s experiences and emotional intelligence. Recognise that people can have deep understanding and empathy regardless of their relationship status.
