Sometimes it’s hard to tell someone that they’ve hurt you.
Maybe you know it was unintentional and don’t want them to feel bad, or you’re simply not all that comfortable expressing your feelings and would prefer to just let it slide and move on. However, communication is key in relationships of any kind, so it’s important that you let them know how you’re feeling. Here are some easy ways to do just that without feeling awkward or being accusatory.
1. “I felt hurt when you did that.”
Be specific about the action that caused the hurt. Saying you felt hurt puts the focus on your emotions without sounding accusatory. It’s important to let them know what exactly caused the pain so they understand the impact of their behaviour.
2. “That really upset me.”
Let them know how upset their words or actions made you. It’s a straightforward way to express your feelings without making things more complicated. Being clear about your emotional reaction helps avoid confusion or downplaying the situation.
3. “I didn’t expect that from you.”
This phrase lets them know that their behaviour was out of line with what you expected from them. It signals that their actions went against the trust or understanding you had, which is often the root of feeling hurt. It sets the stage for a more meaningful conversation.
4. “What you said really bothered me.”
Directly addressing the words that hurt you makes sure they understand which part of the conversation crossed a line. It’s important to let them know when something they said had a negative impact. This keeps the conversation focused on the issue at hand, rather than generalising the hurt.
5. “I’m struggling with what you did.”
This phrase opens up the conversation while making it clear that what they did caused you emotional difficulty. It invites a dialogue and shows that their actions have left a lasting effect. Letting them know you’re still processing it can lead to a better understanding.
6. “That felt disrespectful to me.”
Sometimes hurt comes from feeling disrespected. Calling out the disrespect directly makes it clear that their actions or words crossed a boundary. It highlights the need for mutual respect in your relationship and shows that their behaviour affected you on a deeper level.
7. “I don’t feel like you’re hearing me.”
When someone brushes off your feelings or dismisses them, it can hurt just as much as the initial issue. Letting them know that you don’t feel heard helps reset the conversation and reminds them that your feelings matter too. It’s a call for more attentive communication.
8. “I need to talk about how you made me feel.”
Opening up the conversation by stating your need to talk shows that you’re serious about addressing the hurt. It emphasises that this isn’t something you can just brush aside. By taking the initiative, you create space for a constructive discussion about what went wrong.
9. “That wasn’t okay with me.”
This simple, direct phrase clearly expresses that their behaviour crossed a boundary for you. It lets them know that you didn’t find their actions acceptable, without being overly confrontational. It’s an assertive way to draw a line without escalating the situation unnecessarily.
10. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”
Expressing regret about their actions lets them know that what they did negatively impacted you, and you wish things had gone differently. It’s a subtle way to let them know their behaviour wasn’t right and that it affected your relationship in some way.
11. “I felt like you didn’t consider my feelings.”
Pointing out that they overlooked your emotions brings attention to the heart of the problem. Letting someone know that their actions seemed thoughtless helps them realise that they didn’t take your feelings into account. It’s a direct way of addressing emotional negligence.
12. “I need some time to process what happened.”
If you’re feeling hurt, sometimes you need space before discussing it. Telling them you need time shows that their actions had an emotional impact that requires reflection. It signals that the issue is significant and can’t just be brushed aside with a quick apology.
13. “I feel like there’s something between us now.”
This phrase captures the emotional distance caused by hurtful actions or words. It lets them know that what they did has affected your relationship, creating a rift that needs addressing. By acknowledging this, you open up the possibility for mending that distance.
14. “I feel like we’re not on the same page anymore.”
Letting someone know that their actions have shifted the dynamic between you can be an important step toward healing. This phrase shows that something has changed, and you’re aware of it, and it invites a discussion on how to fix it. It emphasises the importance of mutual understanding.
15. “That wasn’t fair to me.”
Calling out unfair treatment is a straightforward way of saying that you deserve better. It lets them know that their behaviour was unjust and that you felt wronged by it. This phrase sets clear boundaries on what you will and won’t accept in the relationship.
16. “I need you to understand how I feel.”
Sometimes, all you want is for someone to truly understand where you’re coming from. Asking for that understanding makes it clear that you need them to really listen and empathise with your hurt. It opens the door for a more genuine and heartfelt conversation.
