Being polite isn’t particularly hard, but some people still refuse to do it.
They say whatever comes to mind at any given moment, no matter how rude or offensive it might be — and they don’t really care if it is, anyway. If you know someone like this, chances are you’ve heard more than a few of these things come out of their mouths on more than a few occasions. You’d be better off limiting your time with them as much as possible, that’s for sure.
1. “I’m not racist, but…”
Red flag alert! Anytime someone starts a sentence this way, you know they’re about to say something that’s definitely racist. It’s like they think this magic phrase gives them a free pass to spout prejudice. Newsflash: it doesn’t. If you have to preface your statement with a denial, maybe take a moment to rethink what you’re about to say.
2. “You look tired.”
Translation: “Wow, you look awful.” Unless you’re genuinely concerned about someone’s well-being, this is just a backhanded way of pointing out that someone looks rough. It’s not helpful, and it’s certainly not a compliment. If someone looks tired, maybe offer them a coffee instead of a critique of their appearance.
3. “With all due respect…”
Spoiler: There’s usually zero respect coming after this phrase. It’s often the precursor to a verbal smackdown, thinly veiled as polite disagreement. If you find yourself about to use this phrase, pause and ask yourself if what you’re about to say is actually respectful. Chances are, it’s not.
4. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”
Oh, we’re going to take it the wrong way, alright. Because there’s no right way to take what’s coming next. This phrase is basically saying, “I’m about to insult you, but I don’t want you to get mad about it.” Well, tough luck. If you have to use this preface, maybe reconsider what you’re about to say.
5. “You’re so brave for wearing that.”
Ouch. This isn’t a compliment; it’s a judgment wrapped in fake admiration. Unless someone’s outfit involves wrestling alligators or walking on hot coals, their choice of clothes doesn’t require bravery. This is just a sneaky way of saying, “I don’t like your outfit, but I’m going to pretend I’m impressed by your confidence.”
6. “I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.”
No, you’re not. You’re saying what YOU’RE thinking, and you’re trying to deflect responsibility for your rude comment onto some imaginary group consensus. It’s a coward’s way out. Own your opinions instead of trying to hide behind “everyone else.”
7. “You’re not still upset about that, are you?”
Way to invalidate someone’s feelings. This gem is often trotted out when someone’s been hurt and the offender doesn’t want to deal with the consequences. It’s dismissive and shows a lack of empathy. People process things at different rates, and it’s not up to you to decide when someone should be “over” something.
8. “You’d be so pretty if…”
Stop right there. Any compliment that comes with conditions isn’t a compliment at all. It’s just criticism in a fancy dress. Whether it’s about weight, makeup, or style choices, this phrase is just plain rude. Beauty isn’t about meeting someone else’s checklist.
9. “I’m surprised you’re so good at this.”
Backhanded compliment alert! This implies you had low expectations to begin with. It’s not flattering; it’s insulting. Whether it’s about someone’s job, a hobby, or any skill, expressing surprise at competence is just highlighting your own prejudices.
10. “You’re different from other girls/guys.”
This might sound like a compliment, but it’s actually pretty sexist. It implies that there’s something wrong with most people of that gender, and you’re the exception. It’s not flattering; it’s just reinforcing stereotypes. Try appreciating someone for who they are, not how they compare to your preconceptions.
11. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”
Often, this is code for “I want to say something controversial without taking responsibility for it.” It’s a way of introducing offensive ideas under the guise of intellectual debate. If you find yourself using this phrase frequently, ask yourself why you feel the need to defend ideas you supposedly don’t agree with.
12. “You clean up well.”
Translation: “You usually look like a mess, but hey, you managed to look decent for once!” This backhanded compliment implies that the person’s normal appearance isn’t up to par. It’s not a flattering observation; it’s just rude. Try a simple “You look great” instead.
13. “I’m not trying to be rude, but…”
Spoiler alert: You’re about to be rude. This phrase is like a warning siren for an incoming insult. If you have to preface your statement with this, it’s a good sign that you should probably keep it to yourself. Intentional or not, rudeness is still rudeness.
14. “You’re too good for him/her.”
Unless you’re talking about someone in an abusive relationship, this is just insulting their partner choice. It implies that the person you’re talking to has poor judgment, and it’s disrespectful to their relationship. If you have genuine concerns, there are better ways to express them.
15. “I’m not like other people.”
This screams, “I think I’m better than everyone else.” It’s arrogant and often used to excuse poor behaviour. Everyone’s unique in their own way, but constantly pointing it out just makes you sound self-absorbed. Try focusing on your actions rather than proclaiming your specialness.
16. “No offence, but…”
The granddaddy of all rude phrases. It’s like a klaxon warning that something offensive is about to be said. Here’s a tip: if you have to use this phrase, whatever follows is probably going to cause offence, regardless of your disclaimer. Maybe take a moment to reconsider what you’re about to say and why you feel the need to say it.
