No matter how firm your boundaries are and how capable you are of standing up for yourself, there are certain things you let your family get away with that you wouldn’t put up with in general.
The things they say — whether it’s brutally honest, weirdly personal, or completely unfiltered — are the kind of comments that would sound shocking coming from a friend, colleague, or anyone else. But somehow, when it’s someone you’re related to, you just roll your eyes, laugh it off, or pretend you didn’t hear it. When one of these things comes out of their mouth, you don’t lose your cool — you just roll your eyes and kinda deal with it.
1. “Are you really going out in that?”
It’s not a genuine question. It’s a statement. A judgment. A warning. And it always comes just as you’re about to walk out the door, forcing you to reevaluate your entire outfit, even though you were perfectly happy with it five minutes ago. And if you ignore it, be prepared for them to bring it up again when you get back: “So, did anyone say anything about what you were wearing?”
2. “You look tired.”
Translation: You look awful. And thanks to this completely unnecessary observation, you now feel awful too. It doesn’t matter if you had a full night’s sleep; you’re suddenly hyper-aware of your face in a way you weren’t five seconds ago. There’s no right way to respond to this, either. If you say you’re fine, they’ll just stare at you like you’re lying. If you admit you are tired, they’ll act as if they discovered something groundbreaking.
3. “You’ve always been the [insert unfair label here] one.”
Apparently, family members decide who you are when you’re about five years old, and that’s just who you’ll be forever. Whether it’s “the messy one,” “the dramatic one,” or “the lazy one,” there’s no escaping the role you were assigned decades ago. And no matter how much you’ve changed, they’ll always have a childhood story ready to back up their claim.
4. “Oh, we didn’t think you’d actually want to come.”
This one usually follows them making plans without telling you. It’s a weird mix of exclusion and assumption, wrapped up in a single sentence. Apparently, they decided on your behalf that you wouldn’t be interested — and now you feel weird for being left out. Even better is when they act like they’re doing you a favour by not inviting you: “We figured you’d be too busy anyway.”
5. “You were such a weird kid.”
And they have a long list of stories to prove it. The way you used to mispronounce a certain word, the ridiculous phase you went through, the time you embarrassed yourself in public. They will never let it go. Even worse, they love telling these stories to new people in your life — partners, friends, coworkers — anyone you were hoping would take you seriously.
6. “You need to get your life together.”
Usually said while they’re sitting on the sofa, offering absolutely no practical advice, just judgment. It doesn’t even matter what you’ve achieved — they still seem to think you should be doing more or doing it differently. Of course, if you push back, they’ll hit you with, “I’m just saying it because I care.” Of course they do!
7. “Oh, you wouldn’t understand, you’re too young.”
Doesn’t matter how old you get, some family members will never acknowledge that you’ve grown up. You could be 40, married, with kids of your own, and they’d still say it. It’s particularly frustrating when they use it as an excuse to dismiss your opinions, like you’re still a teenager who doesn’t know how the world works.
8. “We’re just worried about you.”
Nothing makes you feel more like a total disaster than hearing this out of nowhere. It’s a vague, ominous statement that suggests something about your life is a mess, but they’re not going to say exactly what. Are they worried about your job? Your love life? The fact that you don’t call enough? Who knows, but whatever it is, they’ve definitely talked about it behind your back.
9. “You were a nightmare to raise.”
There’s something about becoming an adult that makes parents suddenly remember every difficult thing you ever did as a child. And now they bring it up constantly, like they deserve a medal for surviving your existence. Even if you were a pretty normal kid, they’ll still make it sound like they had to overcome you.
10. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”
Nothing good ever follows this sentence. It’s always something that’s going to offend you, no matter how they try to soften the blow. By the time they’ve finished, you’re sitting there wondering why they didn’t just keep it to themselves. But if you do react, you’ll get hit with, “See? I knew you’d take it the wrong way.”
11. “Are you still doing that?”
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s your job, your hobby, or something you’re passionate about, this question makes it sound like they expected you to grow out of it already. It’s less of a question and more of a subtle dig. If you say yes, cue the disapproving look, as if they were hoping you’d moved on to something more “sensible” by now.
12. “You’re not eating that, are you?”
Whatever food choices you make, someone in your family will have something to say about it. Too healthy? “Oh, so you’re one of those people now.” Not healthy enough? “I thought you were trying to be healthier?” You literally cannot win. Just eat what you want and pretend you didn’t hear them.
13. “I remember when you were this big!”
Usually said by an older relative who hasn’t seen you in years, this statement comes with an exaggerated hand gesture showing how tiny you used to be. They’ll then proceed to remind you of every embarrassing thing you ever did as a child while you stand there wondering how long this conversation is going to last.
14. “You’re just like [insert family member you don’t want to be compared to].”
Sometimes it’s meant as a compliment. Other times… not so much. Either way, the moment they say it, you start questioning everything. Suddenly, you’re overanalysing every little thing you do, wondering if you really have that much in common with your overly dramatic aunt or your grumpy uncle.
15. “I don’t want to embarrass you, but…”
This is their way of letting you know that, yes, they do want to embarrass you, and yes, they’re about to. Brace yourself. It’s usually followed by an incredibly cringeworthy childhood story or a reminder of a time you completely humiliated yourself. And there’s no stopping it; it’s already happening.
16. “You know we love you, right?”
After all the brutal honesty, the unsolicited advice, and the embarrassing stories, they always circle back to this. And honestly? It kind of makes up for all of it. At the end of the day, family has a way of saying things that no one else would dare, but that’s just part of the deal. They’ll call you out, embarrass you, and occasionally drive you up the wall, but they’ll also always have your back.
