Everyone experiences moments of self-doubt, but some people wear their insecurities on their sleeves, even if they try to hide it behind bravado or jokes.
Sometimes, the things men say can offer a glimpse into the battle going on inside themselves. Here are some common things you’re likely to hear from an insecure guy who’s struggling with a lot of anxiety and uncertainty.
1. “I’m not good enough for her.”
Men who feel like they may be punching when it comes to a woman like they are unsure of their own worthiness and attractiveness. They’re terrified of rejection (and hey, aren’t we all?) and worry that they don’t deserve love and affection from the person they care about. This can become even more pronounced if the woman’s previous partner was someone they saw as more successful or conventionally attractive than them, even though those things don’t matter at all.
2. “I don’t know why she’s with me.”
Similar to the first point, this reveals a sense of disbelief and unworthiness. These men clearly don’t understand their own value, and they’re scared that their partner will eventually realise they’ve made a mistake by being with them. This creates a lot of insecurity and anxiety in the relationship, which is sad as it’s unnecessary.
3. “I’m not as successful as my friends/colleagues.”
Comparing themselves to other people is a common source of insecurity for men like this, especially given the competitive nature of the world. Saying this proves they feel inadequate and are scared of falling behind. It also shows how unhappy they are with their own achievements, and implies that they’re reliant on external validation to feel good about themselves.
4. “I’m not sure I’m cut out for this.”
Men who say this doubt their own abilities and competence. They’re scared of failing, largely because they’re not sure if their knowledge or expertise are up to scratch. As a result, they end up being hesitant, procrastinating on important things, and even missing out on opportunities that could have been life-changing for them.
5. “I’m just not that good at anything.”
This sweeping generalisation reveals a man with a deep-seated sense of inadequacy and a lack of self-worth. Men who say this clearly believe that they have no valuable skills or talents, and that they’ll never achieve anything meaningful, which is silly. However, it leads to feelings of hopelessness and a reluctance to try anything new. After all, what’s the point, right?
6. “I’m too old/young/unattractive/unsuccessful to…”
These self-limiting beliefs are down to a fear of judgment and rejection. They suggest a belief that certain opportunities or experiences are out of reach due to some kind of limitations these men believe they have. This stymies personal growth and leads to missed opportunities for happiness and fulfilment, which is really sad.
7. “I don’t want to bother anyone.”
While this might seem considerate, it can also be a sign that the man in question is scared of being a burden or imposing on people. It suggests a lack of self-worth and a belief that their needs and feelings are less important than other people’s, which can be isolating and keep them from reaching out for help and support, even when they really need it.
8. “I’m always messing things up.”
A little self-deprecation is normal, but saying things like this all the time points to a man who has a complete lack of confidence and is terrified of making mistakes. He believes he’s inherently flawed and incapable of doing anything right. As a result, he ends up in a cycle of self-sabotage and gets stuck in a rut, treading water and never making real progress.
9. “I’m not sure what I want in life.”
You don’t have to know exactly how you want your life to pan out all the time — most people don’t. However, saying things like this points to confusion and uncertainty about a man’s purpose and direction in life. He might feel a bit lost or adrift, unsure of how to move forward. As a result, he never really does.
10. “I’m afraid of being alone.”
Wanting companionship is natural, of course, but an intense fear of being alone points to deeper insecurity and a lack of self-sufficiency. It suggests that he relies on other people for validation and he’s scared of facing his own thoughts and feelings. If he doesn’t get this under control, he could end up in really unhealthy relationships and situations in life.
11. “I’m not as good as my dad/brother/other male figure.”
Comparing themselves to other male role models can be a huge source of insecurity for men, especially those who lack self-confidence. While there’s room for everyone to succeed, insecure men often measure themselves against other people and believe they’re coming up short, so they might as well not even try. Talk about a limiting belief!
12. “I just want to make everyone happy.”
It’s good to be considerate of other people, but an excessive need to please everyone usually points to deep insecurity. It suggests the man has a serious fear of rejection and believes that his worth is dependent on other people’s approval. He’s likely to become a people pleaser, often to his own detriment, and it’s sad to see.
13. “I’m not sure I deserve this.”
Saying this reveals a lack of self-worth and a belief that they don’t deserve good things, whether it’s a promotion, a loving relationship, or simply happiness. This is imposter syndrome, plain and simple, and believing that he’s going to be somehow exposed as a fraud. It’s no way to live!
14. “I’m afraid of what people think of me.”
Everyone wants to be liked and accepted, but being absolutely terrified of possible judgment can be debilitating. He might end up conforming to beliefs he doesn’t even hold, or feel reluctant to be his authentic self in case someone doesn’t like it.
15. “I need to be perfect.”
Striving for excellence is generally a good thing, but an obsession with perfection can be a sign of insecurity. He obviously believes that even the smallest mistake would in some way diminish his worth, and that’s not true. Nevertheless, it can lead to anxiety, procrastination, and an inability to enjoy the process of learning and growth.
16. “I’m just not good with people.”
This statement can mask a fear of social interaction and a lack of confidence in their social skills. It suggests a belief that they’re awkward, uninteresting, or unable to connect with other people. They might end up socially isolated and lonely, and that’s a real shame.
