As kids grow up, the relationship with their parents inevitably changes — that’s just life.
What once felt simple becomes more complicated, and certain things get left unsaid. Adult children often carry thoughts, feelings, and struggles that they don’t share with the people who raised them, whether out of love, because they don’t want to cause a fight, or they just don’t know how to say it. Parents may never realise the impact of their words, actions, or expectations, but if their kids could say these things openly, they probably would.
1. “I still need you, just in a different way.”
Growing up doesn’t mean outgrowing the need for a parent’s love, support, or guidance. The difference is that adult children no longer need constant supervision or direction; they need emotional support and understanding. They still want to feel like their parents are there for them, but in a way that respects their independence. They may not ask for help as openly as they once did, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want it. Sometimes, just knowing their parents are there, ready to listen without judgement, makes all the difference. Independence doesn’t mean they don’t value their parents; it just means they’re navigating life on their own terms.
2. “I don’t want to be compared to my siblings.”
Even as adults, being compared to a brother or sister can feel frustrating and invalidating. Everyone has their own path, and no two people are meant to move through life at the same pace. Hearing that a sibling is more successful, more responsible, or doing things ‘the right way’ can feel like their own efforts aren’t enough. Most adult children just want to feel valued for who they are, not measured against someone else. Even if the comparisons are meant to be harmless, they can create unnecessary pressure or resentment. Each person is on their own journey, and that should be enough.
3. “I have my own values now.”
The things that mattered to them as kids may not be the same as what they value now. Whether it’s career choices, relationships, or personal beliefs, adult children often develop perspectives that don’t completely match their parents’. They’re not rejecting the past; they’re growing into their own person. They don’t expect their parents to agree with every choice they make, but they do hope for respect. Feeling judged or dismissed for thinking differently can create distance. What they really want is for their parents to accept them, even if they don’t always understand them.
4. “I don’t always tell you when I’m struggling.”
Just because they don’t talk about their problems doesn’t mean they don’t have them. Many adult children avoid opening up about stress, money struggles, or personal challenges because they don’t want to worry their parents. They often feel like they should have everything figured out by now. Sometimes, they just need reassurance that they don’t have to do everything alone. They don’t always need advice or solutions, just someone who listens and reminds them that it’s okay to not have everything together. Knowing their parents support them, even in silence, helps more than they let on.
5. “I don’t want to feel guilty for setting boundaries.”
As kids, they may have gone along with whatever their parents wanted. But as adults, they have their own schedules, needs, and priorities. Whether it’s saying no to certain expectations, limiting phone calls, or deciding how they spend their holidays, setting boundaries is part of growing up. It’s never easy setting limits with family, and guilt often comes with it. What they want their parents to know is that boundaries aren’t their way of pushing Mum and Dad away; they’re about creating a relationship that works for both sides. Respecting those boundaries makes the relationship stronger, not weaker.
6. “I love you, even if I don’t say it enough.”
As kids, saying “I love you” felt natural. But as adults, it doesn’t always come out as often, even when they feel it. Life gets busy, routines take over, and expressing emotions doesn’t always happen in words. Just because they don’t say it all the time doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. Love is shown in different ways — checking in, remembering small details, or simply wanting to spend time together. Even in the quiet moments, the love is still there.
7. “I appreciate you more than I let on.”
Looking back, they realise how much their parents did for them, including all the things they once took for granted. The sacrifices, the late nights, the support, the lessons — none of it went unnoticed. They might not say it often, but they see it now more than ever. Sometimes, life moves too fast to stop and say thank you. But the appreciation is there, even in the smallest gestures. The things parents did when their children were younger shaped who they are today, and they carry that with them always.
8. “I need you to respect my choices, even if you don’t agree.”
Not every life decision will make sense to a parent, and that’s okay. What adult children want most is to feel supported, even when they make choices that seem unconventional. They need space to make mistakes, learn, and grow on their own terms. Hearing constant doubt or disapproval can make them hesitant to share their lives. It’s okay to have concerns, but trust goes a long way. They want their parents to believe in them, even when their choices look different from what was expected.
9. “I need encouragement, not pressure.”
Life is already full of stress — work, finances, relationships, and expectations pile up quickly. Adding pressure from parents can make everything feel even heavier. They want encouragement, not constant reminders of where they ‘should’ be. Support means more when it comes without judgement. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, celebrating the progress they have made can be a game-changer. A little encouragement can go a long way in helping them feel like they’re on the right track.
10. “I don’t always have time, but I still care.”
Busy schedules make it harder to stay in touch, but that doesn’t mean they don’t think about their parents. Between work, responsibilities, and personal lives, days fly by, and calls or visits don’t always happen as often as they’d like. It’s never about not caring; it’s just that life moves fast. When parents give them the space to reach out in their own time, it feels like less of an obligation and more of a choice. They don’t want their parents to mistake distance for indifference.
11. “I want to feel like an equal, not just your child.”
As they grow older, they want the relationship with their parents to evolve. They’re no longer kids who need constant guidance — they’re adults figuring things out on their own. Feeling talked down to or treated like a child can be frustrating. They want mutual respect, conversations that feel balanced, and the freedom to be themselves. A healthy adult relationship with parents should feel like a partnership, not a hierarchy. Recognising this makes all the difference in how connected they feel.
12. “I don’t need advice all the time — sometimes I just need to vent.”
Parents naturally want to fix things, but sometimes, their kids just need to talk. Unsolicited advice can feel overwhelming when all they really want is to be heard. They don’t always need solutions, just someone to listen. Letting them share their struggles without immediately jumping in to solve them makes them feel more comfortable opening up. Sometimes, the best thing a parent can do is just say, “I hear you” and let them figure it out on their own.
