Think you might have social anxiety? It’s not always as obvious as a full-blown panic attack in a crowded room. Social anxiety can manifest in sneaky, subtle ways that might fly under the radar. But if left unchecked, it can seriously impact your quality of life.
1. You rehearse conversations in your head.
If you find yourself scripting out interactions before they happen, playing out every possible scenario, you might be dealing with social anxiety. It’s like you’re constantly auditioning for a part, hoping to nail your lines and avoid any awkward improv. The problem is, real life rarely sticks to the script. Embrace the unexpected and trust that you can handle whatever comes your way.
2. You overanalyse every social interaction.
After a conversation or event, you replay every moment in your head, dissecting your every word and action. Did you laugh too loudly at that joke? Did you overshare about your weekend? This post-mortem analysis is exhausting and unproductive. Chances are, nobody else is scrutinising your behaviour the way you are. Learn to let go and move on.
3. You avoid eye contact.
If locking eyes with another human feels about as comfortable as staring into the sun, it could be a sign of social anxiety. You might find yourself looking at your shoes, your phone, or that fascinating spot on the wall – anything to avoid direct eye contact. But here’s the thing: eye contact is a crucial part of connection. Start small, with brief glances, and work your way up to more sustained eye contact. It gets easier with practice.
4. You bail on plans at the last minute.
You say yes to happy hour or a party, but as the day approaches, your anxiety mounts. Suddenly, you find yourself coming down with a mysterious illness or remembering a prior commitment. Flaking out might provide temporary relief, but it also reinforces your anxiety. Challenge yourself to show up, even if it’s just for a little while. You might surprise yourself and have a good time.
5. Your phone is your security blanket.
Source: Unsplash In social situations, you whip out your phone like it’s a magic wand that can make the awkwardness disappear. Scrolling through social media or pretending to text can feel like a safe haven, but it also keeps you from engaging with the people around you. Try putting your phone away and being present in the moment. You never know what connections you might make.
6. You hate small talk.
“What do you do for a living?” “How about this weather?” If these questions make you want to fake your own death, you’re not alone. Small talk can feel like pulling teeth for the socially anxious. But here’s a secret: nobody really loves small talk. It’s just a way to break the ice. Embrace the awkwardness and try to steer the conversation towards topics you’re genuinely interested in.
7. You blush or sweat excessively.
Source: Unsplash If your face turns beet red, or you start sweating like you’re in a sauna at the mere thought of social interaction, it could be a physical manifestation of your anxiety. These bodily reactions can be embarrassing and make you want to retreat even further. Remember, though, that most people are too wrapped up in their own heads to notice. And if they do, a simple “I tend to run hot” can suffice.
8. You have a hard time asserting yourself.
Source: Unsplash If speaking up for yourself or saying no feels about as easy as bench-pressing a car, social anxiety might be to blame. You don’t want to rock the boat or risk disapproval, so you go along to get along. But constantly subordinating your own needs breeds resentment. Start small, with low-stakes situations, and practice standing up for yourself. It gets easier with repetition.
9. You assume everyone is judging you.
You walk into a room and immediately feel like all eyes are on you, scrutinising your every move. You assume that any laughter or whispers must be about you. This assumption that everyone is judging you is a classic cognitive distortion of social anxiety. In reality, most people are too focused on themselves to pay that much attention to you. Challenge these assumptions and give people the benefit of the doubt.
10. You use alcohol or drugs to cope.
If you find yourself relying on liquid courage or other substances to get through social situations, it’s a red flag. While a drink or two might temporarily ease your anxiety, it’s not a sustainable solution. In fact, it can make anxiety worse in the long run. Find healthier coping mechanisms, like deep breathing, meditation, or therapy.
11. You have a limited social circle.
If your social life consists of your cat and your Netflix queue, it might be a sign that anxiety is holding you back. Humans are social creatures, and isolation can feed into anxiety. Start by reaching out to one or two safe people, like a trusted friend or family member. Gradually expand your circle as your confidence grows.
12. You struggle with dating.
If the thought of going on a first date makes you want to hide under your bed, social anxiety might be rearing its ugly head. Dating involves putting yourself out there and risking rejection, which can be terrifying for the socially anxious. Start by practising social skills in lower-stakes situations, like with friends or in social meetups. And remember, dating is awkward for everyone. It’s not just you.
13. You have a hard time speaking up in meetings.
Source: Unsplash If you have brilliant ideas but struggle to voice them in front of other people, social anxiety might be holding you back. You don’t want to say the wrong thing or sound stupid, so you stay silent. But your voice matters. Start by speaking up in smaller groups or writing down your thoughts beforehand. The more you practice, the easier it gets.
14. You avoid conflict at all costs.
If you’d rather agree with someone than risk a disagreement, even when you know they’re wrong, social anxiety could be pulling the strings. Conflict feels like a threat to your safety, so you do whatever you can to avoid it. But avoidance only makes the anxiety worse. Start by expressing your opinions in low-stakes situations, like with friends or online. Gradually work your way up to more challenging conversations.
15. You have a hard time accepting compliments.
If someone pays you a compliment, do you deflect, minimise, or outright dismiss it? This could be a sign of social anxiety. Compliments can feel uncomfortable because they put you in the spotlight. But downplaying your achievements or positive qualities only reinforces negative self-beliefs. Practice accepting compliments graciously, even if it feels awkward at first. A simple “thank you” is a good start.
16. You feel like an imposter.
Source: Unsplash Do you feel like you’re constantly faking it, waiting to be exposed as a fraud? Imposter syndrome often goes hand in hand with social anxiety. You might feel like you don’t deserve your successes or that you’re not as capable as other people think you are. But here’s the thing: everyone feels like an imposter sometimes. It’s not a reflection of your true worth. Celebrate your achievements and own your strengths.
