In a perfect world, everything would say what they mean, and mean what they say.
Unfortunately, that’s not always how things play out. You may approach relationships of all kinds — personal and professional — with honesty and integrity, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is on the same page. Here are some signs someone is playing mind games with you that you need to be aware of. If you notice them, you need to call the person out and potentially consider cutting them off.
1. They regularly give you the silent treatment.
When you’ve upset them, or they want something from you, they suddenly become uncommunicative. They ignore your calls and texts and may even avoid talking to you in person. That’s because they want you to feel anxious and desperate for their attention, or they want you to apologise for something, even when you haven’t actually done anything wrong.
2. Their words and actions don’t match up.
They promise to do something, but consistently fail to follow through. Or they could say they care about you, but their actions suggest otherwise. They do this to keep you off-balance and unsure of where you stand, making you more susceptible to manipulation.
3. They use guilt as a weapon.
Source: Unsplash When you express a need or set a boundary, they respond by making you feel guilty. They might say things like “After all I’ve done for you…” or “If you really cared about me, you would…” They hope that they’ll be able to override your decisions and make you do what they want you to do, even if it comes at a cost.
4. They twist your words in arguments.
During disagreements, they misrepresent what you’ve said or take your words out of context. It’s a classic gaslighting technique that’s supposed to make you doubt your memory and ability to see things clearly, which then gives them the upper hand. Don’t fall for this!
5. They play hot and cold with their affection.
Source: Unsplash One day, they’re loving and attentive, the next they’re distant and cold. So much unpredictable behaviour keeps you constantly chasing their approval and affection, giving them power over your emotional state.
6. They use flattery to manipulate you.
When they want something from you, they shower you with compliments and praise. However, this charm offensive disappears once they’ve got what they wanted. All they’re doing here is exploiting your desire for approval and positive reinforcement.
7. They make you feel responsible for their emotions.
If they’re unhappy, angry, or upset, they blame you for causing these feelings. They’re manipulating you to make you feel guilty and responsible for their happiness, even when their reactions are unreasonable.
8. They give backhanded compliments.
Their compliments often have a sting in the tail. For example, “You look nice today, for a change” or “That’s a good idea, I’m surprised you thought of it.” These kinds of underhanded remarks are meant to undermine your confidence while maintaining plausible deniability.
9. They use information against you.
When you confide in them, they later use this information to criticise or embarrass you. It’s a terrible breach of trust, as well as a way of asserting power over you and making you hesitant to open up in the future.
10. They make you question your own judgement.
When you express an opinion or preference, they subtly (or not so subtly) undermine it. They might say things like, “Are you sure about that?” or, “I think you’ve misunderstood the situation.” Their constant questioning is meant to make you doubt yourself and rely on their judgement instead.
11. They give you the impression that everyone’s against you.
They might casually mention that people have been criticising you behind your back, or insist that you shouldn’t trust your friends as much as you do. They’re trying to isolate you and make you more dependent on them for support and validation.
12. They shift blame and never apologise.
When you confront them about their behaviour, they deflect responsibility or turn the tables on you. They rarely, if ever, offer a genuine apology. After all, refusing to take accountability is a way of maintaining control and avoiding vulnerability.
13. They use your insecurities against you.
If you’ve shared your fears or insecurities with them, they bring these up during arguments or use them to put you down. It’s a cruel tactic that’s meant to make you feel small and vulnerable, giving them the upper hand.
14. They make you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells.
You find yourself constantly worrying about how they’ll react to what you say or do. The constant state of anxiety you end up living in is a result of their unpredictable and often negative responses, which keep you in a perpetual state of caution and stress.
15. They give ultimatums to get their way.
When they don’t get what they want, they resort to threats or ultimatums. This could be threatening to end the relationship or withdraw their support. These extreme measures are meant to force you into doing what they want out of fear of the consequences.
16. They use your good nature against you.
If you’re a kind or empathetic person, they exploit this by constantly playing the victim or asking for favours. They know you’ll find it hard to say no, and they use this to their advantage, often leaving you feeling drained and taken advantage of.
