Not everyone gets into a relationship for the right reasons.
Sure, most people want to find love, as well as a partnership with someone they can build a life with. However, sometimes, what drives someone to pair up has more to do with their personal drama or insecurities than genuine connection. Of course, if you have your act together and are emotionally mature and ready for real love, you’ll want to steer clear of someone who exhibits these signs, or you could end up getting your heart broken.
1. They just got out of a relationship.
If someone’s fresh out of a breakup and already diving into dating, it might be more about filling a void than forming a meaningful connection. A rebound relationship can distract them from dealing with the pain or processing what went wrong in their previous relationship. Jumping into something new too soon often means unresolved baggage will follow. Instead of starting fresh, they may still be emotionally tangled in their past, leaving little room for building something real with someone new.
2. They’re lonely and want anyone to fill the gap.
Loneliness can make people crave a relationship, but if their focus is simply on “not being alone,” they might not be looking for the right person—just any person. It can lead to rushing into a connection that lacks compatibility or depth. Instead of forming a genuine bond, the relationship becomes a way to avoid their feelings of loneliness. True connection can’t grow when the foundation is built on fear of being alone rather than excitement about being with someone special.
3. They’re chasing validation.
Some people look for relationships to feel wanted or attractive. If they rely on external validation to feel good about themselves, they may treat the relationship as a way to boost their ego rather than connect on a deeper level. When someone’s self-worth depends on constant reassurance, the relationship can feel one-sided and emotionally draining. True love is about mutual respect and appreciation—not about being someone else’s emotional crutch.
4. They’re trying to fit in.
If someone’s looking for a relationship because “everyone else has one,” they might not actually be ready. Feeling pressure from friends, family, or social media to couple up can lead them to prioritise appearances over emotional connection. Relationships born from peer pressure often lack authenticity. Instead of finding someone they truly connect with, they might settle for something that feels “acceptable” to other people but doesn’t align with their real wants and needs.
5. They want someone to “fix” them.
People sometimes pursue relationships to heal emotional wounds or resolve personal issues, expecting their partner to make them feel whole. While relationships can be healing, relying on someone else to fix you usually sets things up for disappointment. True healing comes from within, not from someone else. When someone enters a relationship with unresolved issues, it can create an unhealthy dynamic where their partner is constantly expected to fill emotional gaps.
6. They’re focused on proving their worth.
Looking for a relationship to prove they’re “good enough” is a common but unhealthy motivation. Whether it’s to show an ex what they’re missing or prove they’re desirable, their focus is more on validation than on finding the right partner. Relationships built on proving something to people are often unstable. Instead of enjoying the connection, they might be more focused on the image of being in a relationship rather than nurturing the bond itself.
7. They’re chasing the “relationship goals” image.
In a world full of Instagram-perfect couples, it’s easy to want the aesthetic of a relationship without thinking about the reality. If someone’s more excited about cute selfies and couple goals than genuine partnership, they might not be ready for something real. Relationships aren’t always glamorous, and prioritising appearances over authenticity often leads to shallow connections. The best relationships are built on shared experiences and emotional depth, not curated moments for social media likes.
8. They fear growing old alone.
The fear of being alone in the long term can push people into relationships before they’re ready. They might feel like time is ticking and they need to “settle down” before it’s too late, even if the connection isn’t right. Decisions driven by fear often lead to settling for less than they deserve. Relationships built from anxiety about the future rarely bring the happiness and security they’re hoping for in the long run.
9. They romanticise the idea of relationships.
Some people crave the idea of a relationship more than the reality. They picture cosy nights in and romantic gestures but don’t consider the work and communication needed to build a healthy partnership. When the fantasy fades and reality sets in, they may lose interest or struggle to invest in the relationship. Love isn’t just about highlights—it’s about navigating the everyday moments and challenges together.
10. They struggle with being single.
People who dislike being single often rush into relationships just to avoid the discomfort of being on their own. They may equate being single with failure, even though it can be an important time for growth and self-discovery. Unfortunately, this often leads to codependent relationships, where their happiness depends entirely on their partner. Learning to enjoy their own company first can make future relationships healthier and more balanced.
11. They want to fill a specific role in their life.
Sometimes, people look for relationships to tick a box, like finding a “travel buddy,” “co-parent,” or “someone to bring to family events.” While these are valid desires, focusing solely on filling a role can lead to superficial connections. When someone prioritises a role over the person, they may overlook compatibility or shared values. Relationships thrive when both partners feel valued for who they are, not just the role they play in each other’s lives.
12. They avoid addressing their own issues.
A relationship can feel like a distraction from personal struggles, but this often backfires. Instead of facing challenges like insecurity, career dissatisfaction, or unresolved trauma, they may hope a relationship will make everything better. Personal growth is vital for a healthy partnership. Ignoring their own issues can create tension and make it harder for the relationship to thrive. A healthy connection comes from two people who are willing to work on themselves, not avoid the hard stuff.
13. They move too fast emotionally.
If someone’s rushing to label the relationship or making big commitments early on, it could be a sign they’re more focused on securing a relationship than building one. Moving too quickly often indicates they’re wanting security rather than genuine connection. True relationships take time to develop. When someone tries to fast-track things, it often leaves little room for the natural growth and exploration that create a strong foundation for the future.
14. They’re driven by societal expectations.
For some, the pressure to be in a relationship comes from family, culture, or societal norms. They might feel like being single is a failure or that they’re falling behind if they’re not in a committed partnership by a certain age.These external pressures can lead to settling or staying in relationships that don’t truly align with their values. True happiness comes from connections that feel right for you, not ones chosen to meet someone else’s expectations.
15. They idealise relationships as a cure for unhappiness.
Believing that a relationship will solve all their problems or make them happy is a common but harmful mindset. While relationships can bring joy, they aren’t a cure for unhappiness or insecurity. Thinking that they are puts unrealistic pressure on their partner and the relationship itself. Happiness needs to come from within first, and healthy relationships are built on two people who feel whole on their own.
16. They rely on relationships to define their identity.
For some, being in a relationship becomes a core part of their identity. They might feel lost or incomplete when they’re single, leading them to look for validation through their relationship status rather than focusing on who they are as an individual. Relying on relationships can create a fragile sense of self-worth. True fulfilment comes from knowing who you are outside of a relationship and bringing that authenticity into your connections with other people.
