We’ve all heard comments from people that seem innocent on the surface but that reek of judgment.
They might slip out in casual conversations, disguised as compliments or observations, but they can really hurt (or just annoy) the people on the receiving end. Here are some of the things you shouldn’t say because no one wants to hear it.
1. “You look tired.”
Source: Pexels While this might seem like a simple observation, it can imply that someone looks unkempt or less attractive than usual. It can also make someone feel self-conscious about their appearance or health. Instead, consider asking, “Are you feeling okay?” or “Is everything alright?” This shows genuine concern for their well-being without passing judgment on their appearance.
2. “You’ve lost/gained weight.”
Commenting on someone’s weight, whether it’s a loss or gain, can be insensitive and hurtful. It implies that their appearance is the most important thing about them and that they should be striving for a certain body image. Instead, focus on complimenting their personality, accomplishments, or other non-appearance-related aspects.
3. “You’re so brave.”
While this might seem like a compliment, it can sometimes be a backhanded way of expressing surprise or disbelief at someone’s actions. For example, telling a woman she’s brave for travelling alone might imply that it’s unusual or dangerous for women to do so. Instead, simply acknowledge their accomplishments or choices without adding unnecessary commentary.
4. “You’re so mature for your age.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase might seem like a compliment, but it can also be a way of implying that someone is acting older than they should or that their peers are immature. It can also make someone feel like they don’t fit in with their age group. Instead, focus on complimenting their specific qualities or achievements without referencing their age.
5. “You’re so quiet.”
This seemingly innocuous statement can be quite isolating for introverts or those who simply prefer to listen more than they talk. It suggests that being quiet is a negative trait or that they should be more outgoing. Instead, appreciate their introspective nature and the unique perspectives they bring to conversations.
6. “You always/never…”
Using absolute terms like “always” or “never” can be accusatory and unfair. It’s rare for someone to always or never do something, and these generalizations can make people feel boxed in and misunderstood. Instead, focus on specific instances of behaviour and avoid making sweeping statements about someone’s character.
7. “You should smile more.”
This seemingly well-intentioned advice can be incredibly frustrating and invalidating. It suggests that someone’s natural expression is inadequate and that they should conform to societal expectations of happiness. Instead, respect their right to express their emotions authentically.
8. “You’re so lucky.”
Attributing someone’s success or good fortune solely to luck diminishes their hard work and effort. It implies that they haven’t earned their achievements and that they’re not responsible for their own happiness. Instead, acknowledge their dedication and celebrate their accomplishments without downplaying their role in their own success.
9. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Minimizing someone’s feelings or experiences can be invalidating and dismissive. Even if you don’t understand why something is a big deal to them, it’s important to respect their feelings and try to understand their perspective. Instead of downplaying their emotions, offer support and empathy.
10. “You’re overthinking it.”
Telling someone they’re overthinking can be a way of dismissing their concerns or anxieties. It implies that their thoughts and feelings are not valid or important. Instead of shutting down their thoughts, try to understand their perspective and offer support in a way that feels helpful to them.
11. “Just calm down.”
When someone is upset or stressed, telling them to calm down can often have the opposite effect. It can make them feel like their emotions are not being taken seriously or that they’re being unreasonable. Instead, try to validate their feelings and offer support in a way that helps them feel heard and understood.
12. “You’re being too sensitive.”
This phrase can be incredibly hurtful and invalidating. It implies that someone’s feelings are wrong or inappropriate, and it can discourage them from expressing themselves openly in the future. Instead of judging their sensitivity, try to understand their perspective and be more empathetic.
13. “Why are you so emotional?”
This question can be particularly damaging when directed towards women, as it perpetuates the stereotype that women are overly emotional or irrational. It can make someone feel ashamed of their feelings and discourage them from expressing themselves openly. Instead of questioning their emotional state, try to understand their perspective and validate their feelings.
14. “You’re so dramatic.”
This phrase can be dismissive and belittling. It suggests that someone’s emotions are exaggerated or unnecessary, and it can make them feel like they’re not being taken seriously. Instead of focusing on their perceived drama, try to understand the underlying cause of their emotions and offer support.
15. “I’m just kidding.”
Using this phrase as a way to backpedal after making a hurtful or insensitive comment can be a form of gaslighting. It can make someone feel like they’re overreacting or misinterpreting your words. If you genuinely didn’t mean to hurt someone’s feelings, apologize sincerely and avoid using humour as a shield for your insensitivity.
16. “You’re lucky to have me.”
This phrase can come across as arrogant and entitled. It implies that you’re doing someone a favour by being in a relationship with them, and it can make them feel undervalued and unappreciated. Instead of reminding them of your perceived superiority, focus on expressing gratitude for their presence in your life and demonstrating your appreciation for their unique qualities and contributions to the relationship.
