We all know how important boundaries are for our own protection, but implementing them is easier said than done.
Putting limits in place and holding people to them can get complicated and feel awkward, especially if you’re not used to it. While people who truly care about you will respect it, for some people, boundaries just feel too risky and not worth the trouble. Here’s how you know someone is struggling in this department — these phrases will be pretty common for them!
1. “I’ll just do it myself.”
When someone says this a lot, it’s often less about self-sufficiency and more about frustration. They’ve probably asked for help before and been let down, so now they avoid the disappointment altogether. The problem is, taking everything on solo leads to burnout. Their needs get pushed aside as they take on more and more, leaving them feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Learning to delegate and ask for help—without fear of rejection—can break this exhausting cycle.
2. “Don’t worry about me.”
This might sound selfless, but it’s often a sign that someone’s putting themselves dead last. They might skip meals, cancel plans, or stay up late to help everyone else, all while neglecting their own needs. Over time, this creates a cycle where their own well-being takes a back seat, and their life feels like it’s all about everyone else. Taking time for themselves isn’t selfish—it’s the key to keeping things balanced.
3. “Sorry to bother you, but…”
Apologising for even the smallest requests shows a deep fear of being a burden. They tread carefully, as though their needs are an inconvenience to other people. This often comes from past experiences where asking for help was met with rejection or frustration. But asking for what you need isn’t an imposition—it’s part of any healthy relationship. Learning to say things directly, without guilt, can make these interactions much smoother.
4. “I hate fighting.”
Nobody enjoys conflict, but avoiding it altogether is a sign of trouble. If someone constantly avoids disagreements, it often means issues are swept under the rug until they explode. Small frustrations build up into resentment, making the eventual confrontation much worse. Conflict isn’t inherently bad—it’s an opportunity to address issues and strengthen understanding. Facing it calmly and respectfully makes relationships healthier in the long run.
5. “You made me feel…”
Blaming other people for their emotions shows a blurred understanding of boundaries. While people can influence how we feel, we ultimately own our responses. When someone shifts that responsibility to other people, it creates unnecessary tension. Taking ownership of their feelings (“I felt hurt when this happened”) instead of assigning blame encourages healthier, clearer communication.
6. “I thought you’d know.”
Expecting people to read their mind often leaves them disappointed. Unspoken needs lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and a sense of being unheard. Saying what you need might feel awkward at first, but it’s the only way to ensure people understand. Direct communication strengthens connections far more than hinting ever will.
7. “Whatever you want.”
Always agreeing to someone else’s preferences may seem accommodating, but it can strip away their own identity. Over time, this people-pleasing habit can lead to resentment and a loss of self. It’s okay to voice your own needs and preferences—they matter just as much as anyone else’s. A good relationship thrives on mutual respect, not one-sided sacrifices.
8. “I can’t say no to them.”
This phrase often comes from guilt or fear of disappointing anyone. But constantly saying “yes” at the expense of their own needs leads to exhaustion and resentment. Boundaries aren’t about being mean—they’re about preserving energy and prioritising what truly matters. Learning to say “no” firmly but kindly is an act of self-respect.
9. “You always/never…”
Statements like these come out when emotions run high and boundaries have been ignored for too long. They’re often exaggerated and don’t reflect the nuance of the situation. Taking a step back to calm down and address specific issues (“When this happened, I felt…”) can make these moments more constructive.
10. “I’m just trying to help.”
Offering help without being asked can sometimes cross boundaries, even if it’s well-intentioned. It can come across as controlling or dismissive of someone else’s autonomy. True support means asking if help is needed and respecting the answer. Offering without pushing creates trust and mutual respect.
11. “Don’t tell anyone, but…”
Sharing someone else’s secrets is a boundary disaster. While gossip might feel bonding in the moment, it ultimately damages trust. Respecting privacy and keeping confidences is essential for strong, lasting relationships. If someone struggles with this, it’s worth reflecting on why they feel the need to overshare.
12. “You should…”
Unsolicited advice often comes across as overbearing, even if it’s meant well. Everyone has their own way of handling situations, and being told what to do can feel dismissive. Instead, offering support or asking, “What do you think would work best?” leaves room for their choices.
13. “I need an answer now.”
Source: Unsplash Pushing for immediate decisions often comes from a place of impatience or anxiety. It disregards the other person’s need for time and space to think things through. Respecting someone else’s process and giving them the time they need creates better outcomes for everyone.
14. “Let me tell you what to do.”
Source: Unsplash Taking control of someone else’s decisions can come across as dismissive and controlling. People need the freedom to make their own choices—even if they make mistakes along the way. Supporting without taking over creates space for growth and strengthens trust.
15. “You’re too sensitive.”
Dismissing someone’s feelings as an overreaction is a quick way to shut down communication. Everyone experiences emotions differently, and sensitivity isn’t a weakness. Validating someone’s feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them, builds stronger, more respectful relationships.
16. “Why are you being difficult?”
When someone sees boundaries as a challenge rather than a necessity, it shows they don’t fully understand their value. Limits aren’t there to cause trouble—they’re there to protect relationships from unnecessary conflict and resentment. Respecting boundaries shows respect for the person and the relationship as a whole.
