Some people seem to know the perfect thing to say to make you feel small or doubt yourself in a conversation.
It’s surprising how common these controlling phrases are, and they can pop up in any relationship, from friendships and romantic relationships to work. Knowing what to watch for can help you stay true to yourself and your feelings. If you hear these things from someone, they’re trying to steer the narrative.
1. “You’re really being too sensitive right now.”
Ever share your feelings only to be told you’re overreacting? It stings, right? When someone says this, they’re brushing off your emotions instead of hearing you out. It’s like they’re saying your feelings don’t matter when they absolutely do.
2. “That’s not what I meant at all.”
Source: Unsplash Sound familiar? When someone keeps telling you that you’re getting it wrong, it can make your head spin. You start second-guessing what you heard, even when you’re pretty sure you got it right the first time.
3. “Why are you bringing that up now?”
Source: Unsplash There’s never a perfect time to bring up something that’s bothering you. When someone makes you feel bad about your timing, they’re really just trying to avoid talking about the real issue. Your concerns matter, no matter when you’re ready to share them.
4. “I was just joking.”
We’ve all heard this one after someone says something that hurt our feelings. It’s like magic words that are supposed to make the hurt disappear. But here’s the thing — real jokes make everyone laugh, not just the person telling them.
5. “We’ve already discussed this.”
Sometimes it takes more than one conversation to really work through something. When someone tries to shut down a topic because you’ve “already talked about it,” they might not be ready to give your concerns the attention they deserve.
6. “You always do this.”
Nothing like a big, sweeping statement to make you feel defensive, right? Suddenly, you’re not talking about what just happened — you’re defending your whole personality. It’s unfair and takes the focus off what really needs to be discussed.
7. “If you really cared, you would.”
Guilt trips rarely lead to anything good. Your care for someone isn’t measured by how often you say yes to things that make you uncomfortable. Real relationships have room for both yes and no.
8. “I’m not going to argue about this.”
Having different views doesn’t mean you’re arguing. When someone shuts down a conversation before it starts, they’re missing a chance to understand your side of things. Good relationships grow through open talks, not silence.
9. “You’re the only one who feels this way.”
Being told you’re the only one bothered by something can make you feel pretty alone. But guess what? Your feelings count, even if you’re the only one having them. You don’t need a crowd to make your feelings valid.
10. “I’ll just keep quiet then.”
Talk about making you feel guilty for speaking up! When someone responds like this, they’re trying to make you feel bad for having an opinion. It’s perfectly okay to share your thoughts without someone making you regret it.
11. “You need to calm down.”
Has anyone ever felt calmer after being told to calm down? Probably not. Your feelings are what they are, and you have every right to express them. Getting emotional about things you care about is totally normal.
12. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but.”
Whatever comes after this is usually something that would upset anyone. Adding a warning label to unkind words doesn’t make them any kinder. It’s like putting a pretty bow on a not-so-nice gift.
13. “I’m just being honest.”
Source: Unsplash Being honest is great, but it doesn’t mean being unkind. The truth can be shared with care and respect. When someone uses honesty as an excuse to be harsh, they’re forgetting that kindness matters too.
14. “You make me feel like.”
Source: Unsplash We’re all responsible for our own feelings. Sure, what other people do affects us, but blaming someone else for how we feel isn’t fair. It’s okay to share feelings without making them someone else’s responsibility.
15. “Fine, have it your way.”
Source: Unsplash Having different opinions isn’t about winning or losing. When someone acts like you’re being difficult just for standing up for yourself, they’re missing the point of having a real conversation.
16. “I thought you were different.”
Source: Unsplash Being yourself isn’t a disappointment — it’s actually pretty great! Having your own thoughts and boundaries doesn’t make you difficult or disappointing. It makes you real, and that’s exactly what you should be.
