Whether it’s helping someone move, showing up to an event we’re not into, or pitching in on a group project, sometimes people just don’t want to do the thing.
Honesty is always the best policy, of course, but not everyone feels comfortable saying a straight-up no. So instead, they lean on certain go-to phrases that soften the blow or pass the blame.
The things they say can be subtle, vague, or even well-practised. Some are used to get out of commitment without causing friction, while others are more about avoiding confrontation altogether. Once you hear them enough, you start to recognise them for what they are: polite little exit strategies. They may not be saying so directly, but if you hear these things, the person saying them is trying to get out of doing something.
1. “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
This one sounds polite and perfectly reasonable, which is why it’s so popular. Of course, more often than not, it’s just a nice way to buy time and avoid giving a firm answer. It keeps the door open without actually committing to walking through it.
If you never hear back after this one, it was probably just a gentle way of saying no. It gives the speaker a chance to disappear from the plan without creating tension, especially if they’re hoping you’ll forget about it altogether.
2. “I’ve just got so much going on right now.”
This one has the benefit of being vague but still hard to argue with. It suggests that life is chaotic, stressful, or overwhelming—without going into detail. And since most people can relate, it rarely gets challenged. While sometimes it’s true, it’s often used as a soft excuse to bow out without sounding rude. It implies, “It’s not you, it’s everything else,” and that alone makes it a go-to for people looking to skip out of something gracefully.
3. “I’d love to, but…”
That “but” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. It’s a phrase people use when they want to sound enthusiastic about something they have no intention of doing. It makes their decline sound less like a rejection and more like an unfortunate coincidence. By leading with positivity, they’re trying to cushion the letdown. It’s a clever way of exiting without seeming uninterested, even if deep down, they’re relieved to have a reason to say no.
4. “I’ll see how I feel closer to the time.”
This one’s non-committal by design. It allows the person to put off giving a real answer, while still sounding open to the possibility. It keeps you from pressing them further because technically, they haven’t said no… yet. It’s often code for “I’m not into this, but I don’t want to have the conversation right now.” When the day rolls around, chances are they’ll “just not be feeling it.”
5. “I think I might have something that day.”
Notice the word *might*. It gives them just enough wiggle room to avoid locking anything in. They’re not exactly lying, but they’re definitely not giving you a clear yes either. This buys time and gives them space to escape later without too much guilt. If they really wanted to do the thing, they’d probably check their calendar. If they don’t, well—that tells you a lot.
6. “I need to double-check with my partner/work/schedule.”
Blaming someone or something else is a classic tactic. Whether it’s their partner’s plans, their boss’s demands, or a nebulous “schedule,” the goal is to shift the decision outside of their control. This lets them off the hook without looking like the bad guy. It’s easier to say, “I would, but I’m waiting on someone else” than it is to say, “I really just don’t want to.”
7. “I’m not sure I’ll be up for it.”
This one sits in that grey area between maybe and probably not. It hints at low energy, health issues, or emotional overwhelm without spelling anything out. It leaves the impression that they’re trying to be honest while keeping their options open. It’s also an easy out if the invitation feels like too much effort or commitment. The subtext is usually, “Don’t count on me, but I don’t want to say no outright.”
8. “Can I let you know closer to the day?”
This one feels casual and non-committal, but often signals a quiet no. It’s usually used when the person wants to keep their schedule flexible in case something more appealing comes up—or they’re hoping the whole thing fizzles out on its own. It buys time, avoids confrontation, and sounds polite. But if they never confirm, it’s safe to assume they were never planning on going in the first place.
9. “I don’t want to say yes and then let you down.”
This sounds thoughtful and considerate, and that’s exactly the point. It positions the person as being responsible, even though they’re ultimately just trying to sidestep a commitment. By framing their hesitation as a favour to you, they manage to soften the refusal. It feels more like a kind gesture than a dodge, even if it’s really just a way of backing out early.
10. “I wish I could, but I’ve already got something that day.”
This one is a classic polite decline. It provides a reason that’s hard to argue with, and it closes the door without sounding dismissive. It’s especially effective when you don’t want to get pulled into something you’re not excited about. Even when it’s not 100% true, it’s a low-stakes way of saying no without burning bridges. It gives the impression of a scheduling conflict, even if that “something” is just a quiet night in.
11. “Let me know who else is going.”
This is usually code for “I’ll go if the vibe’s right,” or “I’m not sure I’m interested unless certain people are involved.” It’s a way to stall without turning you down directly. They’re trying to gauge whether it’s worth showing up, but don’t want to commit until they know more. It’s a subtle way of buying time—and possibly wriggling out if it doesn’t look appealing.
12. “I’m not really in the right headspace right now.”
Mental and emotional wellbeing are valid reasons to say no, and some people genuinely use this phrase with honesty. However, it’s also become a bit of a catch-all excuse for people who want out without getting into specifics. It’s vague enough that you can’t really question it, but clear enough that it sends the message, “I’m out.” Whether it’s used authentically or not, it tends to close down the conversation quickly.
13. “I’ll be there… unless something comes up.”
That last part says it all. This kind of yes comes with a built-in exit clause. It’s a soft commitment, giving them the option to back out last-minute without much guilt. They want to appear supportive without being fully tied down. It’s the verbal equivalent of a maybe with a foot already halfway out the door.
14. “I’ll try my best!”
Source: Unsplash Said with a smile, this sounds like agreement, but it’s vague enough to keep you guessing. It creates the illusion of effort, without actually guaranteeing anything. Often, it’s used to avoid disappointing someone in the moment, while quietly hoping they won’t notice when you don’t show up. It’s hopeful-sounding… but rarely followed through.
15. “That sounds great—let me think about it.”
It’s a nice way to avoid saying no to your face. It leaves you feeling like maybe they’re in, but chances are you’ll never hear a firm answer. It’s a “maybe later” that often turns into a quiet fade-out. They’re not trying to be rude; they’re just not ready to say yes and don’t want to disappoint you. However, if you find yourself chasing them for a follow-up, you’ve probably got your answer.
16. “I’m just so bad at planning ahead.”
This one sounds like a personality quirk, but it’s often used to avoid accountability. By claiming they’re just not good at making plans, they create an ongoing excuse to keep things loose. It allows them to dip in and out of social commitments without seeming flaky. But in reality, it’s usually a way to avoid being pinned down—especially when they’re not quite sure they want to commit in the first place.
