The words we use can have a big effect on the people we say them to, for better or worse.
Sometimes some of the cruellest things come out of people’s mouths without a second thought. While everyone says careless and unkind things occasionally, certain phrases prove that a person seriously lacks empathy. Here’s what heartless people say in everyday moments, often without realising (or caring) how much damage their words cause.
1. “Well, at least you can have another baby.”
This is often said to someone who’s had a miscarriage, as though this life-changing loss could be solved by “trying again.” The suggestion that a baby is easily replaceable reflects how completely out of touch this person is with the grief involved. What might feel like a small attempt at comfort actually minimises the pain of loss.
2. “You should be over it by now.”
This gets tossed out as if grief or healing can be marked on a calendar. When someone’s still mourning a significant loss months or even years later, telling them to “move on” only adds to their pain. It’s a sign the speaker doesn’t understand the nature of loss or the timeline it requires, and it shows impatience over genuine feelings.
3. “I don’t know why you’re so tired, you don’t even have kids.”
Comments like this ignore that exhaustion doesn’t come with a checklist. Just because someone’s tired and isn’t dealing with kids doesn’t make their experience any less real. This kind of statement reduces their struggle, setting up a “who’s allowed to be tired” hierarchy that dismisses anyone’s fatigue if it doesn’t fit the speaker’s standards.
4. “Have you tried just not being depressed?”
This line often comes across as “helpful advice” but shows an enormous lack of understanding about mental health. Depression isn’t something you can just wish away, and suggesting otherwise is dismissive and invalidating. Real support is about understanding the need for professional help, not offering offhand fixes.
5. “Maybe if you didn’t eat at restaurants, you could afford a house.”
Ah yes, a classic statement often directed at younger people dealing with housing issues. Less avocado toast and Starbucks lattes and you’ll be on the property ladder in no time! By oversimplifying the financial reality of affording a home, this comment blames systemic issues on personal choices. It’s out of touch and rooted in outdated views that ignore the financial challenges many people face today.
6. “You chose this career, so stop complaining.”
Whether directed at teachers, nurses, or anyone in a tough profession, this statement uses someone’s passion against them. It invalidates the real struggles they face and implies that, by choosing their job, they’ve forfeited any right to voice concerns. This mentality stifles open conversations about needed support.
7. “It’s not like you were married that long anyway.”
When someone’s going through a divorce or separation, the length of the relationship doesn’t determine the depth of the pain. By downplaying the impact based on time, this statement diminishes the real heartbreak involved, as if love and grief could be measured in months or years alone.
8. “Why waste money on therapy when you can just go for a walk?”
Mental health support is essential for many people, and this dismissive comment equates it with simple physical activity. Therapy isn’t a luxury or an indulgence, and suggesting that a walk could do the same thing ignores the complexities of mental health. This so-called advice is often spoken by those who don’t understand therapy’s role in healing.
9. “You’re too young to be this tired.”
Tiredness has no age restriction, and making someone feel like they “shouldn’t” be exhausted is hurtful and unrealistic. Fatigue can hit anyone, no matter their age or circumstances. Comments like this only add an unnecessary layer of guilt to someone who’s already struggling.
10. “Other people have it worse than you.”
Intended as perspective, this remark actually trivialises someone’s experience by comparing it to hypothetical suffering elsewhere. Pain doesn’t have a ranking system, and everyone’s challenges are valid. Instead of helping, this comment often makes people feel guilty for their own struggles.
11. “This is why nobody likes working with you.”
Used as a jab when someone sets a boundary or advocates for themselves, this kind of remark uses social rejection as a threat. It sends the message that speaking up or maintaining healthy boundaries will isolate them, which is manipulative and toxic, especially in work settings.
12. “You’re still single because you’re too picky.”
A favorite unsolicited “insight” at family gatherings, this comment implies that staying single is a character flaw. It dismisses the very real decision-making involved in choosing a partner and reduces it to a matter of settling. This kind of “advice” reveals more about the speaker’s own values than the person they’re targeting.
13. “Stop being so sensitive about everything.”
This classic shutdown phrase gets used anytime someone objects to hurtful behavior. It minimises valid emotional responses by framing them as “overreactions.” By using this, the speaker avoids accountability, making it sound like empathy or emotional intelligence is somehow a flaw.
14. “I’m just being honest.”
After delivering a rude or unkind remark, this statement is used as a shield, as if the honesty itself justifies the cruelty. But real honesty doesn’t need to be mean-spirited, and kindness doesn’t require dishonesty. This phrase is often a mask for thoughtlessness and a lack of compassion.
15. “Wow, you’ve really let yourself go.”
Disguised as “concern,” this phrase brings judgment and shaming into a comment about someone’s appearance. People’s lives, stressors, and struggles all shape how they look, and no one’s body should be up for criticism. Comments like this only add to the pressure people already feel.
16. “You’d be prettier if you smiled more.”
Often directed at strangers or acquaintances, this phrase reduces a person to how pleasing they look to other people. It’s patronising and objectifying, treating someone’s expression as a public service instead of a personal choice. People have the right to show up as they are, without unsolicited comments on their appearance.
