Bullying isn’t always about physical intimidation — in fact, it’s often much subtler than that.
Emotional bullies say and do things designed to play on your feelings. By making you feel bad or manipulating the things you think about yourself and everyone around you, they can destroy your confidence and ultimately, your self-worth. Here are some things people like this often say — beware!
1. “I thought you were smarter than that.”
This little dig sounds like disappointment but is really meant to make you doubt yourself. It often pops up when you make a decision they don’t agree with, especially in your career or personal life. They’re not actually questioning your intelligence; they’re trying to make themselves seem smarter while making you feel like you’ve let them down.
2. “Let me help you understand.”
What sounds like an offer to help is often a way to dismiss your perspective. It comes with the assumption that you’re getting something wrong and need them to “fix” your view. They’re setting themselves up as the expert, pushing their own version of things as the only one that counts.
3. “I’m not saying this to hurt you, but…”
When someone starts with this, you know a cutting remark is coming. It’s their way of saying something hurtful while acting like they’re doing you a favour. By “warning” you, they think they’re off the hook if it stings—they’ve already claimed it wasn’t their intention.
4. “You don’t remember? We talked about this.”
They might use this one to make you second-guess your memory. Whether or not the conversation actually happened isn’t the point—they just want you to feel like you’re losing track. They might even twist past chats to suit their own narrative, leaving you wondering what’s real.
5. “I’m just trying to push you to be better.”
This sounds supportive, but often hides a need for control. They act like your personal coach, constantly critiquing you under the guise of “helping.” It makes you feel like you’re ungrateful if you push back, even though you never asked for their “advice” in the first place.
6. “Everyone agrees with me about this.”
This is just a fancy way of creating peer pressure. They’ll claim that “everyone” is on their side without giving specifics, making you feel like you’re standing alone. If you ask who they mean, they’ll usually dodge, insisting people don’t want to be named.
7. “I wish you could hear yourself right now.”
This one shifts the focus from what you’re saying to how you’re saying it. It usually crops up when you’re making a valid point, but they’d rather make you feel self-conscious than address it. Instead of engaging, they try to make you sound like you’re being unreasonable.
8. “You used to be so much more…”
They leave it hanging just long enough for you to fill in the blanks. Whether they add “fun,” “easygoing,” or something else, they’re suggesting you’ve changed for the worse. It’s a way to make you long for a version of yourself that might not have even existed, except in their head.
9. “Why do you always make things so difficult?”
When you stand up for yourself or disagree, they make it seem like you’re creating unnecessary drama. It implies that everything would be fine if you’d just go along with what they want, framing them as reasonable and you as the one making things complicated.
10. “I’m just saying what other people are thinking.”
They use this to say something cruel, claiming they’re just the messenger. It’s a way to offload criticism onto an imaginary crowd, as if they’re simply doing you a favour by voicing it. They get to say something harsh without owning up to it, pretending it’s just the “honest truth.”
11. “Take it how you want.”
After saying something hurtful, they throw this out to shrug off responsibility. It’s like they’re saying it’s your fault if you feel hurt. It’s especially frustrating because it cuts off any chance to discuss it further, leaving you to deal with the sting on your own.
12. “You should be grateful that…”
Here, they use gratitude to silence you. They remind you of what they’ve done for you or what you “should” appreciate, making you feel guilty for having any complaints. It’s a way of shutting down your feelings by suggesting you’re ungrateful.
13. “I don’t know why you’re making this about you.”
When you share how something’s affected you, they make it sound like you’re being self-centred. It often comes up when you’re setting boundaries or expressing hurt, making you feel like focusing on your own feelings is selfish.
14. “You’re lucky I’m so patient.”
This backhanded comment suggests you’re hard work while positioning them as a saint for putting up with you. It creates a dynamic where you’re meant to feel grateful for their “tolerance,” even though it’s actually just a way of making you feel difficult.
15. “I’m just being real with you.”
They act like they’re just keeping it honest, but really, they’re using this as an excuse to be harsh. They frame other people’s more considerate approaches as “fake,” suggesting that their bluntness is somehow a virtue.
16. “Maybe you’re projecting.”
They throw out this term to flip things back on you when you point out something hurtful. It’s a sneaky way to avoid accountability, making you question your own motives instead of addressing their behaviour. It sounds insightful, but is really just a way to dodge the issue.
