Loneliness happens to the best of us, and while we can’t always control it, there are things we do sometimes to bring it on.
If you find yourself feeling increasingly disconnected from the people around you, it’s worth having a look at your behaviour to see if it might need a rejig. After all, the loneliest people are the ones who tend to have these habits. If you do, it’s time for a change.
1. They constantly cancel plans.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to fall into the habit of bailing on plans at the last minute. Maybe you’re tired after work, or Netflix is calling your name. But consistently cancelling on friends sends a message that you don’t value their time. Over time, those invitations might start to dry up. People stop including you because they expect you’ll just cancel anyway. It’s a fast track to finding yourself with an empty social calendar and wondering where everyone went.
2. They avoid small talk.
Small talk might seem pointless, but it’s often the gateway to deeper connections. Brushing off casual conversations with neighbours, coworkers, or the barista at your local coffee shop means missing out on potential friendships. These little interactions can brighten your day and sometimes lead to more meaningful relationships. By always keeping to yourself, you’re closing doors before they even have a chance to open.
3. They’re glued to their phones in social situations.
We’ve all been guilty of this one. You’re out with friends, but you’re scrolling through your phone instead of engaging in the conversation. It might feel like you’re staying connected, but you’re actually isolating yourself from the people right in front of you. This habit can make people feel unimportant and less likely to include you in future plans. Real-life connections suffer when your attention is always on your screen.
4. They hold grudges.
Holding on to the past can feel justified, but it often hurts you more than anyone else. Grudges build walls between you and other people, making it hard to maintain or form new relationships. Maybe you’re waiting for an apology that might never come, or you can’t let go of something someone said years ago. This bitterness can push people away and leave you feeling alone with your anger.
5. They’re always too busy.
Being busy isn’t inherently bad, but constantly using it as an excuse to avoid social interactions is. If you’re always telling people you’re too swamped to meet up or chat, they’ll eventually stop trying. It’s important to make time for relationships, even when life gets hectic. Otherwise, you might look up one day and realise you’ve become isolated in your busy bubble.
6. They avoid vulnerability.
Opening up can be scary, but it’s crucial for forming deep connections. If you always keep conversations surface-level and never share your true thoughts or feelings, it’s hard for other people to really know you. This habit can leave you feeling misunderstood and alone, even when you’re surrounded by people. True friendships require a level of vulnerability and trust.
7. They’re overly critical of other people.
Constantly pointing out flaws in other people might make you feel superior in the moment, but it’s a guaranteed way to push people away. Nobody wants to be around someone who’s always negative or judgmental. This habit can make people uncomfortable around you and less likely to open up. Over time, you might find yourself with fewer and fewer people willing to spend time with you.
8. They neglect self-care.
When you’re not taking care of yourself, it’s hard to show up fully in relationships. Neglecting your physical and mental health can lead to low energy and mood swings. You might start declining invitations because you don’t feel up to socialising. This cycle can lead to isolation, as you withdraw more and more. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it’s necessary for maintaining healthy connections.
9. They avoid new experiences.
Sticking to your comfort zone feels safe, but it can limit your opportunities to meet new people and grow. Turning down invitations to try new activities or visit new places means missing out on potential connections. Life becomes stagnant, and you might find yourself with less and less in common with other people. Embracing new experiences opens doors to new friendships and keeps life interesting.
10. They’re always the victim.
Constantly seeing yourself as the victim in every situation can be exhausting for those around you. Always blaming other people or circumstances for your problems pushes away potential support. People might start avoiding you because they feel drained by the negativity. This mindset can leave you feeling like the world is against you, further isolating yourself from potential connections.
11. They don’t reciprocate in relationships.
Friendships and relationships are a two-way street. If you’re always on the receiving end — taking support, favours, or time without giving back — people will notice. Eventually, they might feel used and pull away. Make sure you’re putting effort into your relationships, reaching out to other people, and offering support when they need it. Balance is key to maintaining healthy, long-lasting connections.
12. They overshare too quickly.
While openness is important, dumping your entire life story or deepest traumas on someone you just met can be overwhelming. This habit can scare people off before a friendship has a chance to develop naturally. It’s about finding a balance — being authentic without oversharing too soon. Building trust and intimacy takes time, and respecting that process is important for creating lasting relationships.
13. They’re always competing.
Turning every interaction into a competition is exhausting for everyone involved. Always trying to one-up everyone in conversations or prove you’re better can push people away. It makes people feel unheard and unappreciated. Relationships thrive on mutual support and celebration of each other’s successes, not constant competition.
14. They rely too heavily on social media for connection.
Source: Unsplash While social media can be a great tool for staying in touch, it’s not a replacement for real-life interactions. Relying too heavily on likes and comments for social validation can leave you feeling empty. You might think you’re connected to hundreds of friends online, but still feel lonely in real life. Make sure you’re balancing your online presence with genuine, face-to-face connections.
15. They don’t set boundaries.
Ironically, not setting boundaries can lead to loneliness. When you always say yes or let people treat you poorly, you might end up feeling resentful and burnt out. This can cause you to withdraw from relationships altogether. Healthy boundaries actually strengthen connections by ensuring your relationships are respectful and balanced.
16. They give up too easily on relationships.
Building and maintaining friendships takes effort, especially as we get older. If you give up at the first sign of conflict or drift apart at the slightest inconvenience, you’ll find it hard to maintain long-term relationships. All friendships have ups and downs. Being willing to work through challenges, communicate openly, and put in consistent effort is key to building a strong social network that combats loneliness.
