Your kids may be adults now, but they may still believe they’ve got you wrapped around their finger.
If you’ve enforced boundaries with them that they don’t necessarily want to respect, they may resort to guilt-tripping you to wear you down and get their own way. But how do you recognise when they’re doing this? Listen out for these phrases — they’re dead giveaways that your grown children are manipulating you (or at least trying to).
1. “You never do anything for me.”
Source: Unsplash Even though you’ve spent years providing for them, they’ll act as if you’re not supportive enough. They’re trying to make you feel like you’re not doing enough, regardless of how much you’ve already given. It puts you in a position where you feel obligated to do more.
2. “Other parents don’t treat their kids this way.”
They’ll compare you to other parents, implying that you’re somehow falling short. It’s a way of making you feel like you’re not measuring up, even if there’s no real basis for comparison. The goal is to make you feel like you’re being unfair or unreasonable.
3. “You were never there for me when I was younger.”
Bringing up the past, especially things you can’t change, is a classic guilt tactic. It makes you feel responsible for their current issues by focusing on things that happened long ago. It often leads you to overcompensate in the present out of guilt.
4. “I guess I’ll just figure it out on my own.”
They’ll throw in a passive-aggressive comment like this to make you feel bad for not jumping in to help right away. It’s meant to make you feel like you’re abandoning them when they need you, even if they’re fully capable of handling things themselves.
5. “You care more about [sibling/friend] than me.”
This tactic plays on the fear that you’re showing favouritism or not treating your children equally. They want to make you feel guilty for not giving them as much attention or support as they believe someone else is getting.
6. “I wouldn’t be in this situation if you had helped me earlier.”
They might blame their current struggles on you, suggesting that you could have prevented their problems if you’d been more involved. This makes it seem like their hardships are your fault, even if they’ve had plenty of chances to take responsibility.
7. “You’re the reason I have so many issues.”
Blaming you for their personal problems or emotional struggles is another way to shift the responsibility onto you. They want you to feel like you owe them something because they believe you played a role in shaping their challenges.
8. “Fine, I’ll just go without.”
This tactic is designed to make you feel bad for not giving them what they want. They’ll act as if they’re making a big sacrifice, hoping you’ll feel guilty enough to step in and offer help or resources.
9. “I can’t believe you don’t trust me.”
When they want something, and you hesitate, they’ll use this line to make you feel like you’re doubting them unfairly. It’s meant to guilt you into backing off and giving them what they want, even if your concerns are valid.
10. “If you really loved me, you’d help.”
This is a direct attack on your love for them, implying that your reluctance to help means you don’t care. It’s a powerful guilt-trip because no parent wants to feel like their love is being questioned.
11. “You’ve done so much for [someone else], but not for me.”
They’ll point out the help you’ve given other people, making it seem like you’re neglecting them. This tactic is meant to stir up guilt by suggesting you’ve been unfairly prioritising someone else’s needs over theirs.
12. “I thought family was supposed to be there for each other.”
This one plays on the idea that family should always come first, regardless of the situation. The hope is that they’ll make you feel like you’re betraying family values if you don’t do what they’re asking.
13. “You’re making me feel so bad about myself.”
They’ll shift the focus to their feelings, making it seem like your actions or decisions are directly causing them emotional pain. This tactic puts you in a position where you feel responsible for their happiness or self-worth.
14. “I don’t need your help, I’ll just suffer in silence.”
This passive-aggressive approach is meant to make you feel like you’re forcing them to struggle alone. It’s a way of making you feel guilty for not offering help, even if they haven’t directly asked for it.
15. “You’re not being a good parent right now.”
By directly questioning your parenting, they put you on the defensive. This tactic makes you feel like you’ve failed them in some way, which can lead to you giving in just to prove that you’re still a good parent.
16. “I guess I just won’t talk to you about my problems anymore.”
This threat to shut you out is designed to make you feel guilty for not responding the way they wanted. It’s an emotional manipulation that makes you feel like you’re being cut off unless you meet their demands.
