If you have a “friend” in your life who makes you feel uneasy for reasons you can’t put your finger on, don’t ignore it.
Your gut is a powerful thing, and it might be trying to warn you that someone isn’t as nice as they seem to be on the surface. To avoid getting hurt or being betrayed, it’s important to recognise the signs of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Here’s how you know you’re dealing with a frenemy who will throw you under the bus the first chance they get.
1. They overload you with fake compliments.
“Your hair looks so much better than usual!” or “That dress is perfect for your body type!” Their compliments always contain a tiny hidden dagger. These backhanded comments are designed to plant seeds of insecurity while maintaining plausible deniability. Watch how they study your reaction after each “compliment” — they’re taking mental notes for later use.
2. They share your secrets selectively.
Suddenly, everyone knows about your embarrassing date story, but they swear they only told one person “in confidence.” Your private information becomes their social currency, carefully traded for maximum drama impact. They’ve mastered the art of revealing just enough to cause damage while keeping their hands clean.
3. They celebrate your failures more than your successes.
When things go wrong, they’re first to show up with sympathy and a shoulder to cry on. But mention good news, and they suddenly remember an urgent appointment. Their support only appears when you’re down, never when you’re rising. They collect your vulnerable moments like precious gems.
4. They create triangles of drama.
Source: Unsplash “I thought you should know what Sarah said about you…” They constantly relay negative messages between friends, positioning themselves as the helpful messenger. Every conversation becomes a game of telephone where they control the narrative. They manufacture conflict, then offer to help solve it.
5. They compete with you secretly.
You mention you’re applying to a new job — suddenly they’re interviewing at the same company. Buy a new car? They need one too, but slightly better. These copying patterns go beyond coincidence into calculated competition. Your achievements become their personal challenges to overcome.
6. They undermine your other friendships.
They plant subtle doubts about your other friends through innocent-sounding questions and observations. “Did you notice how Jenny ignored you at lunch?” Their goal is to isolate you from your support system. They work to position themselves as your only trustworthy confidant.
7. They disappear during your big moments.
Got a promotion? Phone goes straight to voicemail. Having a crisis? They’re mysteriously busy. But the moment you’re stable again, they resurface with excuses and demands for updates. Their absence during crucial moments is calculated to diminish your joy and deepen your pain.
8. They fish for sensitive information.
Every casual conversation turns into an interrogation about your personal life, relationships, or work situations. They collect information like ammunition, storing it away for future use. Their questions seem caring on the surface but leave you feeling strangely exposed.
9. They spread rumours as “concern.”
“I’m just worried about her…” becomes their prefix for spreading damaging gossip about you to other people. They mask character assassination as friendly concern. Each rumour is carefully crafted to damage your reputation while making them look caring.
10. They take credit for your ideas.
Your brilliant suggestion at work somehow becomes their brainchild in the next meeting. They monitor your successes closely, waiting for opportunities to claim them. When confronted, they gaslight you into thinking you must have misremembered who came up with what.
11. They give awful advice disguised as help.
Their guidance consistently leads you down problematic paths while they stand back and watch the fallout. They encourage impulsive decisions and risky choices with fake enthusiasm. Each piece of advice seems supportive, but somehow ends up complicating your life.
12. They play the victim when confronted.
Any attempt to address their behaviour results in tears, accusations, and dramatic proclamations about their intentions being misunderstood. They flip every confrontation to make you feel guilty for questioning them. Their emotional manipulation makes you apologise for their wrongdoing.
13. They keep score of your mistakes.
Every misstep you make gets filed away in their mental archive, ready to be referenced at the perfect moment. They never forget that embarrassing thing you did three years ago. Their perfect memory only applies to your flaws, never their own misdeeds.
14. They bond with your enemies.
The moment you have a falling out with someone, they develop a sudden close friendship with that person. They cultivate relationships with people who dislike you, gathering allies for future conflicts. Their social circle mysteriously expands to include everyone who has issues with you.
15. They poison your achievements.
Their initial response to your good news always includes a warning or negative observation. Got engaged? They’ll remind you about divorce statistics. New job? They’ll mention how their friend hated working there. Every celebration comes with a side of carefully crafted doubt.
