No matter how nice someone seems on the surface, that doesn’t guarantee that their intentions are genuine.
Whether it’s a friend, a potential (or actual) romantic partner, or even a colleague, if someone’s showing signs that they don’t want what’s best for you, it’s worth paying attention before you end up getting hurt. Here are some red flags that someone is only out for themselves and doesn’t really care what happens to you in the long run.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
If they only contact you when they want a favour or need help, but are nowhere to be found when you need support, that’s a red flag. A healthy relationship should go both ways, not just when it’s convenient for them. If they only show up when it benefits them, it’s a sign they aren’t genuinely invested in the relationship.
2. They constantly undermine your confidence.
If they regularly make comments that leave you feeling insecure or doubting yourself, it’s a sign they aren’t supporting you. People who care about you will build you up, not tear you down. When someone consistently makes you question your abilities, they’re not acting in your best interest.
3. They dismiss your feelings or concerns.
When someone brushes off your feelings or makes you feel like you’re overreacting, they’re not acknowledging your emotions. Someone who has your best interest at heart will listen and validate your experiences. Ignoring or dismissing your concerns shows a lack of empathy and respect.
4. They make everything about themselves.
If they constantly shift conversations back to their own issues or accomplishments without showing interest in yours, they’re more focused on themselves than your well-being. It shows a lack of genuine concern for your life. Healthy relationships involve equal interest and attention, not one-sided conversations.
5. They give backhanded compliments.
Compliments that have a hidden insult or make you feel worse about yourself are a big warning sign. Genuine people compliment with kindness, not passive-aggressive digs meant to knock you down. These types of comments can destroy your self-esteem over time, leaving you feeling unsupported.
6. They don’t celebrate your successes.
If someone downplays your achievements or seems jealous when you succeed, they’re not rooting for you. People who care about you will celebrate your wins, big or small, and feel genuinely happy for you. Their lack of enthusiasm for your accomplishments reveals their inability to be supportive.
7. They gossip about you behind your back.
Talking behind your back or spreading personal information shows a lack of respect and trust. Someone who truly cares about you wouldn’t speak negatively about you when you’re not around. Trust is crucial in any relationship, and gossip is a clear sign of betrayal.
8. They pressure you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with.
If they push you to do things you’re not comfortable with or ignore your boundaries, it’s a sign they’re more concerned with what they want than what’s best for you. Respecting your limits is key in any relationship. Ignoring your boundaries shows they’re prioritising their desires over your well-being.
9. They always play the victim.
If they constantly make themselves the victim and refuse to take responsibility for their actions, it can be emotionally draining. This behaviour shifts the focus away from their bad actions and makes it harder to address real issues. It can leave you feeling like you’re always the one at fault, even when you’re not.
10. They don’t respect your time.
If they frequently cancel plans last minute, show up late, or expect you to drop everything for them, they’re not valuing your time. Someone who cares about you will respect your schedule and not take advantage of your availability. Disregarding your time shows they don’t appreciate your effort.
11. They compete with you instead of supporting you.
Source: Unsplash If they always try to one-up you or turn everything into a competition, they’re not focused on your growth or success. Genuine friends support each other rather than trying to outdo each other. Constant competition creates an environment of tension rather than encouragement.
12. They never apologise or admit they’re wrong.
Source: Unsplash Someone who refuses to take responsibility or apologise when they’ve hurt you isn’t willing to nurture a healthy relationship. Apologies show they value you and want to fix things, and if they can’t do that, it’s a red flag. Their refusal to admit fault shows a lack of accountability and respect for your feelings.
13. They use manipulation to get what they want.
Source: Unsplash If they guilt-trip you, twist your words, or manipulate situations to benefit themselves, it’s clear they’re not looking out for your best interest. Manipulation is toxic and can leave you feeling confused or wrong-footed. It’s a way for them to control the relationship and take advantage of your emotions.
14. They rarely offer support when you need it.
Source: Unsplash If they’re never around during tough times, it’s a sign they’re not truly invested in your well-being. A person who cares will show up when it counts, offering support when you need it most. When someone avoids you in hard moments, it shows they don’t value being there when it matters most.
15. They don’t encourage your personal growth.
Someone who discourages you from growing, trying new things, or reaching your potential likely doesn’t want to see you succeed. People who have your best interest at heart will push you to be the best version of yourself. True friends and partners want to see you thrive, not hold you back.
