Knowing how to hold an interesting and engaging conversation is one of the best skills a person can have.
Sadly, not everyone does. As a result, you end up in yawn-worthy chats that leave you looking at your watch and praying for an easy way out. However, what if people feel this way about talking to you? If any of these things hit too close to home, you could be a terrible conversationalist. Try not to be too down on yourself — there’s always room for improvement!
1. You mentally rehearse instead of listening.
Source: Unsplash If you’re busy planning your reply while someone’s talking, you’re not really hearing them. This makes conversations feel disconnected and one-sided. Instead, focus entirely on what they’re saying. When they’re finished, take a moment to process before responding. It’s not about having the “perfect” answer—it’s about making the other person feel understood.
2. Your stories drag on too long.
You might think your detailed tales are riveting, but if you’re not reading the room, they could be falling flat. Watch for signs of interest—are they engaged, or just nodding politely? Stick to the point and wrap things up before attention wanes. A shorter, well-told story always lands better than one that goes on forever.
3. You ask questions without sharing.
Asking questions is great, but if you don’t add anything to the conversation, it can feel like an interrogation. Once they’ve answered, offer your own thoughts or experiences to keep things balanced. Conversations are about give and take, not just collecting answers.
4. You give dead-end responses.
Short answers like “yeah” or “fine” can grind a conversation to a halt. If someone’s making an effort, meet them halfway by adding a bit more to your reply. Follow up with your own thoughts or ask a related question to keep things flowing.
5. You turn discussions into competitions.
If every story someone shares becomes a chance for you to one-up them, you’re not having a conversation—you’re competing. Instead of focusing on how your experience compares, try relating to what they’re saying. Shared understanding builds connection, not rivalry.
6. You overshare too soon.
Going straight into deep, personal topics with someone you’ve just met can make things uncomfortable. Build trust slowly by starting with lighter subjects. Let the conversation naturally deepen over time—it’s about pacing, not dumping all your secrets at once.
7. You can’t handle silence.
Not every pause needs to be filled. Constantly rushing to say something can create pressure and make conversations feel forced. A bit of quiet gives everyone time to think and process. Embrace the occasional pause—it’s not as awkward as you think.
8. Your volume disrupts the space.
Speaking too loudly can feel overbearing, while speaking too quietly makes people strain to hear you. Pay attention to the energy of the room and adjust accordingly. Good volume control makes your words easier to hear and your presence more comfortable.
9. You dominate discussions.
Source: Unsplash If you’re the only one talking, it’s not really a conversation. Give other people a chance to jump in by pausing and inviting their thoughts. Conversations are much richer when everyone has a voice, not just one person holding court.
10. You jump in prematurely.
Source: Unsplash Cutting people off shows you’re more interested in speaking than listening. Let them finish their thought before jumping in. If you accidentally interrupt, acknowledge it and let them continue. Respectful timing goes a long way in creating meaningful exchanges.
11. You fixate on correcting minor details.
Constantly pointing out small inaccuracies derails the flow of conversation. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, let those little errors slide. Nobody enjoys being corrected over trivial things—it’s more important to stay connected than to be “right.”
12. You miss emotional signals.
Source: Unsplash If you’re not picking up on someone’s mood or level of engagement, your conversation might be missing the mark. Pay attention to their tone, body language, and facial expressions. Adapting your approach based on these signals shows emotional intelligence and makes people feel more comfortable.
13. You rush to give advice.
Sometimes people just need to vent or share their thoughts—they’re not always looking for solutions. Ask if they want advice before offering it. Being a good listener often matters more than jumping in with fixes.
14. You repeat the same stories or topics.
If you find yourself constantly revisiting the same subjects, it might be time to branch out. Try exploring new hobbies, reading up on different topics, or asking people about their interests. A wider range of conversation starters keeps things fresh and engaging.
15. You focus on impressing everyone.
Conversations aren’t about performing—they’re about connecting. If you’re too focused on saying the “right” thing or showing off, it can come across as disingenuous. Relax, be yourself, and let the conversation flow naturally. People are drawn to authenticity, not effortful perfection.
