Some people always leave you feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, yet they somehow manage to charm their way back into your good graces.
Chances are, you’ve encountered a narcissist. These people have a knack for manipulation and saying just the right things to get what they want. Here are some of their most common twisted tactics.
1. They shower you with compliments and affection.
Source: Unsplash After a period of coldness or distance, a narcissist may suddenly turn on the charm, lavishing you with compliments, gifts, or grand gestures of affection. They might tell you how much they’ve missed you, how amazing you are, and how they can’t imagine their life without you. This sudden change in behaviour can be intoxicating, making you forget all their past transgressions.
2. They blame their bad behaviour on external factors.
Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they’ll blame their mistakes, bad behaviour, or hurtful words on stress, work, family problems, or even you. They might say things like, “I wouldn’t have yelled at you if you hadn’t provoked me,” or “I’m sorry I was distant, but I’ve been going through a tough time.” This deflection of blame can make you question your own perceptions and feel guilty for holding them accountable.
3. They promise to change, but never follow through.
A narcissist might offer heartfelt apologies and promise to change their ways, only to revert to their old patterns of behaviour. They might say things like, “I’ll never hurt you again,” or “I’m going to therapy to work on my issues.” However, these promises are often empty words, meant to manipulate you into giving them another chance.
4. They gaslight you into doubting your own sanity.
Source: Unsplash Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the narcissist makes you question your own reality and memories. They might deny saying or doing things, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic. This can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and unsure of what to believe.
5. They play the victim to gain your sympathy.
Narcissists are experts at playing the victim role. They might exaggerate their own struggles, illnesses, or misfortunes to elicit your sympathy and support. This can make you feel sorry for them and forget about the ways they’ve hurt you.
6. They isolate you from friends and family.
A narcissist might try to isolate you from your loved ones by criticising them, planting seeds of doubt about their intentions, or simply making you feel guilty for spending time with them. This isolation can make you more dependent on the narcissist and less likely to ask for support from other people.
7. They love-bomb you with intense affection.
Source: Unsplash Love-bombing is a tactic in which the narcissist overwhelms you with affection, attention, and flattery in the early stages of a relationship. This can create a powerful bond and make you feel special and adored. However, once they’ve secured your affection, they may withdraw and become distant, leaving you craving their attention.
8. They use your insecurities against you.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist might subtly highlight your flaws or insecurities to make you feel less confident and more dependent on them. They might make offhand comments about your weight, your job, or your social skills, chipping away at your self-esteem.
9. They triangulate you with other people.
Source: Unsplash Triangulation is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist involves a third person to create jealousy, insecurity, or competition. They might flirt with someone else in front of you, compare you to their ex, or talk about how much attention they’re getting from other people. This can make you feel threatened and insecure, and more likely to cling to the narcissist for validation.
10. They hoover you back in when you try to leave.
“Hoovering” is a term used to describe the narcissist’s attempts to suck you back into the relationship after you’ve tried to leave or distance yourself. They might send you heartfelt messages, apologise profusely, or promise to change. This can be tempting, especially if you’re still emotionally attached, but it’s important to remember that their words are often empty promises.
11. They project their own flaws onto you.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have a talent for projecting their own negative qualities onto other people. If they’re insecure, they might accuse you of being needy or clingy. If they’re dishonest, they might accuse you of being deceitful. This projection can make you doubt yourself and your own perceptions.
12. They use intermittent reinforcement to keep you hooked.
Intermittent reinforcement is a psychological concept that explains why people can become addicted to unpredictable rewards. A narcissist might shower you with affection one day and then ignore you the next, creating an emotional rollercoaster that keeps you hooked and craving their attention.
13. They make you feel like you’re the crazy one.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation and often make you feel like you’re overreacting, being too sensitive, or imagining things. This can make you doubt your own sanity and question your own perceptions of reality.
14. They rewrite history to suit their own narrative.
A narcissist might twist past events, conversations, or arguments to fit their own version of reality. They might deny saying or doing things that actually happened, or blame you for things that were their fault. This can leave you feeling confused and unsure of what to believe.
15. They use your vulnerabilities against you.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are skilled at identifying and exploiting your vulnerabilities. They might use your fears, insecurities, or past traumas to manipulate you and control your behaviour. This can make it difficult to break free from their grasp, even when you know the relationship is unhealthy.
