Growing up, we all thought certain behaviours and situations were totally normal, but looking back, they were actually pretty messed up.
It’s time to call out these childhood experiences for what they really were — not okay. We may not have realised it at the time, but these are things that shaped us as adults, even if they weren’t always healthy or right. The good thing is that if you’re aware of it, you can avoid making the same mistakes with your own kids (if you have them, of course).
1. Your parents openly arguing in front of you
Remember when your parents would have a full-blown row right in front of you? You thought it was just a normal part of family life, but constantly witnessing your parents’ conflicts can seriously impact your emotional well-being and future relationships. It’s not okay for kids to be exposed to that level of tension and hostility on a regular basis.
2. Being forced to hug or kiss relatives
You know those awkward moments when your mum or dad would make you hug or kiss a relative, even if you didn’t want to? They probably thought it was harmless, but forcing physical affection teaches kids that their boundaries don’t matter. It’s important for children to learn that they have control over their own bodies and can say no to unwanted contact.
3. Adults making inappropriate comments about your appearance
Remember when grown-ups would make comments like, “You’re going to break hearts when you’re older!” or “Watch out, boys, she’s going to be a handful!”? Those remarks might have seemed innocent at the time, but they’re actually pretty creepy and inappropriate. Kids shouldn’t be sexualised or have their worth tied to their appearance. It’s weird and gross.
4. Being told to “man up” or “stop crying”
Boys especially get this a lot — being told to toughen up and stop showing emotion. But guess what? Crying and expressing feelings is perfectly normal and healthy, regardless of your gender. Shutting down kids’ emotions can lead to some serious issues down the line, like difficulty processing and communicating their feelings in adulthood.
5. Having your privacy invaded
Did your parents ever read your diary, go through your phone, or barge into your room without knocking? At the time, you might have thought it was just a part of being a kid, but invading a child’s privacy can erode trust and make them feel like they have no personal space. It’s important for kids to have age-appropriate boundaries and a sense of ownership over their belongings.
6. Being compared to other kids
“Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” or “Look at how well your friend is doing in school!” Sound familiar? Constantly being compared to other kids can really do a number on your self-esteem and make you feel like you’re never good enough. Every child is unique and should be celebrated for their individual strengths and qualities.
7. Adults dismissing your problems
Remember when you’d go to an adult with a problem, and they’d brush it off with something like, “You’re too young to have real problems”? Just because a child’s problems might seem small to an adult doesn’t mean they’re not valid or important. Kids need to feel heard and have their concerns taken seriously.
8. Being punished for expressing anger
It’s normal for kids to get angry sometimes, but a lot of us were punished or shamed for expressing that anger. Instead of teaching healthy ways to process and communicate anger, many adults opt for shutting it down altogether. This can lead to kids bottling up their emotions or lashing out in unhealthy ways.
9. Having your accomplishments downplayed
Did you ever work really hard on something, only to have an adult say, “Well, it’s not that big of a deal”? Downplaying a child’s accomplishments can make them feel like their efforts aren’t valued or worth celebrating. It’s important to acknowledge and praise kids’ hard work and successes, no matter how small they might seem to an adult.
10. Being forced to compete with siblings
Sibling rivalry is one thing, but being constantly pitted against your brothers or sisters by your parents is another. Comparing siblings or forcing them to compete for attention and approval can damage their relationships and self-esteem. Kids should be encouraged to support and celebrate each other, not tear each other down.
11. Having your fears dismissed or mocked
Remember when you were terrified of the dark or had a phobia of spiders, and adults would laugh it off or tell you to “just get over it”? Dismissing or mocking a child’s fears can make them feel ashamed and alone. It’s important to validate kids’ emotions and help them work through their fears in a supportive way.
12. Being taught to keep family secrets
“What happens in this house, stays in this house.” Sound familiar? Being taught to keep family secrets, especially when those secrets involve harmful or abusive behaviour, is never okay. Kids should feel safe and empowered to speak up when something isn’t right, without fear of betraying their family.
13. Having your consent ignored
Remember when adults would make decisions for you without considering your opinion or feelings? Whether it was forcing you to eat foods you hated or making you participate in activities you didn’t enjoy, having your consent ignored can make you feel powerless and unimportant. Kids should have a say in the things that directly affect them.
14. Being shamed for your interests
Did you ever get made fun of for liking a certain TV show, book series, or hobby? Being shamed for your interests can make you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself to fit in or be accepted. It’s important for kids to feel free to explore and express their passions without fear of judgment.
15. Having your emotions used against you
“If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about!” or “Keep acting like that, and we won’t go to the park!” Using a child’s emotions against them or threatening to withhold affection or rewards is emotionally manipulative and damaging. Kids should feel safe expressing their emotions without fear of punishment or retaliation.
