We all get angry sometimes — it’s a normal human emotion. But when you’re in a relationship, it’s important to be mindful of how you express that anger. Some things, once said, can’t be unsaid. They can leave scars that are hard to heal. Knowing this, here are some phrases you should avoid saying to your partner, no matter how mad you are. Remember, words are powerful, and it’s better to take a moment to cool down than to say something you’ll regret later.
1. “I hate you.”
Throwing out this word is like dropping a nuclear bomb on your relationship. It’s harsh, hurtful, and can cause lasting damage to your partner’s self-esteem. Even if you’re feeling angry and resentful, it’s important to express those feelings in a more constructive way. Instead of saying “I hate you,” try saying “I’m furious with you right now” or “I’m hurt by what you did.” This focuses on the behaviour, not the person, and it leaves room for communication and resolution.
2. “You’re just like your mother/father.”
Bringing your partner’s parents into an argument is a low blow. It’s not only insulting to your partner, but it’s also irrelevant to the issue at hand. This comparison can trigger deep-seated insecurities and resentments, making it difficult to resolve the conflict. Instead of resorting to personal attacks, focus on the specific behaviour that’s upsetting you. This will help keep the conversation productive and focused on finding a solution.
3. “I wish I never met you.”
This phrase negates your entire relationship and makes your partner feel like a mistake. It’s a hurtful statement that can be difficult to forgive and forget. Even if you’re feeling frustrated or angry, try to remember the good times you’ve shared and the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Express your feelings in the present tense, rather than regretting the past. Focus on what you can do together to improve the situation.
4. “You’re worthless/useless/pathetic.”
Source: Unsplash Name-calling and insults are never okay, especially in a relationship. These words are incredibly hurtful and can cause lasting damage to your partner’s self-esteem. They also escalate the conflict and make it harder to find a resolution. Remember, the goal of an argument is to resolve the issue, not to hurt your partner’s feelings. Choose your words carefully and focus on expressing your needs and concerns in a respectful way.
5. “It’s all your fault.”
Source: Unsplash Blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong is unfair and counterproductive. It creates a toxic dynamic where one person feels constantly criticised and attacked. It’s important to take responsibility for your own actions and acknowledge your role in any conflict. Instead of blaming your partner, try to understand their perspective and work together to find a solution. Remember, you’re a team, and you’re both responsible for the success of your relationship.
6. “You’ll never change.”
Source: Unsplash This statement is both hurtful and untrue. People are capable of change, but it takes time, effort, and support. When you tell your partner they’ll never change, you’re essentially giving up on them and the relationship. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that can undermine their motivation to improve and create a sense of hopelessness. Instead, focus on specific behaviours you’d like to see change and offer your support in a loving and encouraging way.
7. “I’m leaving/divorcing you.”
Source: Unsplash Threatening to leave or divorce your partner during an argument is a form of emotional blackmail. It’s a way to control them through fear and make them feel like they have to walk on eggshells to keep you around. If you’re genuinely considering ending the relationship, it’s important to have a calm and respectful conversation about it when you’re both in a more rational state. Don’t use it as a weapon to get your way.
8. “You’re not good enough for me.”
Source: Unsplash This is a cruel and demeaning statement that can crush your partner’s self-esteem. It’s a way of making them feel unworthy of your love and affection. Even if you’re feeling frustrated or disappointed, it’s important to communicate your concerns in a more constructive way. Focus on expressing your needs and expectations clearly, without resorting to insults or put-downs.
9. “You’re so lucky to have me.”
Source: Unsplash This one screams arrogance and entitlement. It implies that your partner should be grateful for your presence in their life, regardless of how you actually treat them. It diminishes their own value and contributions to the relationship, placing you on a pedestal. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and appreciation, not on one person constantly reminding the other of their supposed “superiority.”
10. “I don’t know why you’re so upset, I was just kidding.”
Source: Unsplash Humour is great, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of your partner’s feelings. If your “jokes” consistently hurt or offend them, it’s not funny, it’s disrespectful. A good partner takes their loved one’s feelings seriously and apologises when they’ve crossed a line. Dismissing their hurt with a flippant “I was just kidding” shows a lack of empathy and a disregard for their emotional well-being.
11. “You’re always so dramatic/emotional/irrational.”
Source: Unsplash This is a classic form of emotional invalidation. Everyone has emotions, and they’re all valid, even the ones you don’t understand or agree with. Telling your partner they’re “overreacting” or “being dramatic” minimises their feelings and makes them feel like they can’t express themselves openly with you. A good partner listens to their loved one’s concerns, validates their emotions, and works with them to find solutions, even if those emotions seem “irrational” at first.
12. “My ex would never have done that.”
Bringing up your ex in an argument is a low blow. It’s a way of trying to make your current partner feel insecure or inadequate. It also shows that you’re not fully over your past relationship and might be using your ex as a measuring stick for your current partner. This is not only unfair to your partner, but it’s also counterproductive for your relationship. Focus on the present and work on building a strong foundation with your current partner, instead of dwelling on the past.
13. “Stop being so needy/clingy/attention-seeking.”
Source: Unsplash Everyone has different needs for affection and attention, and it’s important to communicate those needs openly and honestly with your partner. But labelling your partner as “needy” or “clingy” is a way of shaming them for expressing their emotions and desires. It can make them feel like their needs are invalid or unimportant. A good partner listens to their loved one’s needs and works with them to find a healthy balance of closeness and independence.
14. “You’re not good enough for me.”
Source: Unsplash This is a cruel and damaging thing to say to someone you love. It’s a direct attack on their self-worth and can leave lasting scars. Even if you’re feeling frustrated or angry, it’s never okay to belittle or demean your partner. A good partner uplifts and supports their loved one, not tears them down. If you have concerns about the relationship, address them in a respectful and constructive way.
15. “I don’t need you.”
Source: Unsplash While independence is important in a relationship, telling your partner you don’t need them is a hurtful and dismissive statement. It can make them feel unloved, unwanted, and insecure. Even if you’re feeling self-sufficient or capable of handling things on your own, it’s important to acknowledge your partner’s role in your life and express your appreciation for their presence. Everyone wants to feel needed and valued by their partner.
