Everyone puts their foot in their mouth sometimes, accidentally saying something that might not have landed quite right.
But when you’re talking to one of your elders, there are certain phrases that can be especially cringeworthy. Here are some phrases that you should probably avoid if you don’t want to come off as insensitive or just plain rude.
1. “You don’t look your age!”
While this might seem like a compliment, it can actually come across as patronising or implying that looking old is undesirable. It’s better to focus on how great they look or compliment their style instead of emphasising their age.
2. “When are you going to retire?”
This question can be seen as intrusive and implies that they’re no longer useful or relevant in the workplace. People have different plans for retirement, and some might choose to work well into their later years. It’s best to respect their choices and avoid asking personal questions about their future plans.
3. “You’re too old to be doing that.”
Age doesn’t have to be a barrier to pursuing one’s passions or interests. Whether it’s skydiving, learning a new language, or starting a business, people of all ages should feel empowered to try new things. Telling someone they’re too old is discouraging and dismissive of their abilities.
4. “You must be tired.”
Source: Unsplash Assuming someone is tired simply because of their age can be insulting. While it’s true that older people might experience fatigue, it’s not always the case. It’s better to ask them how they’re feeling or if they need anything instead of making assumptions based on their age.
5. “You should slow down and take it easy.”
Source: Unsplash Many older people are active and enjoy a full life. Telling them to slow down can be perceived as limiting and dismissive of their desires and abilities. Instead of giving unsolicited advice, offer your support and respect their choices about how they want to live their lives.
6. “You’re so cute/sweet/adorable!”
While intended as a compliment, using words like “cute” or “adorable” to describe an older person can be demeaning and infantilising. It’s better to use more respectful and appropriate adjectives like “lovely” or “charming.”
7. “Were you alive when [event] happened?”
Asking someone if they were alive for a historical event can make them feel ancient and out of touch. It’s a reminder of their age and can make them feel like they’re not part of the current cultural landscape. Instead, try to find common ground by talking about shared interests or experiences, regardless of age.
8. “You’re lucky you don’t have to work anymore.”
Retirement isn’t always a walk in the park. Some people miss the structure and social interaction of work, while others may face financial challenges. It’s important to remember that retirement is a major life transition, and it’s not always easy. Instead of assuming someone is lucky to be retired, ask them about their experiences and listen with empathy.
9. “You’re acting like a grumpy old man/woman.”
Using ageist stereotypes like “grumpy old man/woman” is disrespectful and dismissive. People of all ages can experience mood swings or have bad days. Instead of resorting to stereotypes, try to understand their perspective and address the underlying issue in a respectful manner.
10. “You probably don’t understand technology.”
Don’t underestimate older people’s ability to adapt and learn. Many seniors are tech-savvy and embrace new technologies. Assuming they’re out of touch is not only inaccurate, but also condescending. Instead, offer your assistance if needed, but don’t assume they’re incapable of learning new things.
11. “You should dress your age.”
Source: Unsplash Fashion has no age limit. People should feel free to express their personal style, regardless of their age. Telling someone they should dress their age is judgmental and restrictive. Instead of imposing your own fashion standards, celebrate their individuality and encourage them to wear what makes them feel confident and comfortable.
12. “Wow, you’re still driving?!”
Questioning someone’s ability to drive based on their age is discriminatory and can undermine their confidence. Many older adults are safe and capable drivers. If you have concerns about their driving, express them in a respectful and constructive manner, but don’t assume they’re unfit to drive simply because of their age.
13. “You’ve already lived your life, it’s our turn now.”
This statement implies that older people’s lives are somehow less valuable or meaningful than younger people’s. It’s a dismissive and ageist attitude that ignores the ongoing contributions and experiences of older adults. Everyone deserves to live a fulfilling life, regardless of their age. Instead of focusing on age, celebrate the diversity and value of all life stages.
14. “Let me do that for you, you’re not strong enough.”
Assuming someone is weak or incapable because of their age is insulting and can make them feel helpless. Many older adults are active and independent, and they don’t want to be treated like they’re frail or incapable. Offer your assistance if needed, but let them decide whether they want to accept it. Respect their autonomy and avoid infantilising them.
15. “You should just stay home and relax.”
Telling someone they should stay home and relax because of their age is limiting and dismissive of their desires and ambitions. Many older adults lead active and fulfilling lives, filled with hobbies, social activities, and even travel. Encourage them to pursue their passions and enjoy their lives to the fullest, rather than suggesting they should retreat from the world.
