Being there for friends and family is part of the deal — through thick and thin, you need to have their back.
However, there may come a point when you’re not just acting as part of their support system, but it’s as if they think you’re their therapist. They might offload problems you’re just not equipped to handle or even have an opinion on, and they’ll expect you to sort it out for them. Here’s what to remember when someone is becoming a bit too dependent on your feedback and willingness to listen.
1. Your emotional capacity has limits.
Just because you can listen doesn’t mean you always should. Your emotional energy is a valuable resource that needs careful management, just like your time and physical energy. When someone consistently unloads their problems on you, it’s normal to feel mentally exhausted and emotionally drained, especially when you have your own challenges to process.
2. You’re not responsible for fixing their problems.
Supporting someone doesn’t mean you need to provide solutions to all their issues. When they share their struggles, remember that offering a listening ear doesn’t obligate you to solve their challenges. Their healing journey belongs to them, and while you can offer support, the responsibility for their growth and decisions remains firmly in their hands.
3. Their constant crisis mode isn’t normal.
When every conversation turns into an emergency counselling session, something’s off balance. If someone contacts you only when they’re in crisis, repeatedly sharing similar problems without taking action, they might be stuck in a pattern of emotional dependency. What starts as occasional support shouldn’t become your daily emotional labour.
4. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish.
You have the right to limit how much emotional weight you carry for other people. Creating healthy boundaries around when and how often you can listen to heavy topics protects your own mental health. Saying “I need to take care of myself right now” isn’t cruel — it’s necessary for maintaining genuine, sustainable relationships.
5. Your advice keeps going unused.
Source: Unsplash Notice when someone repeatedly asks for guidance but never implements any suggestions. If they keep coming back with the same issues, looking for solutions they never use, they might be looking for comfort rather than change. Your time and emotional investment deserve more respect than becoming part of someone’s venting routine.
6. Professional help exists for a reason.
Trained therapists have the skills, boundaries, and professional distance to handle complex emotional issues. When someone’s problems require expertise beyond friendly support, suggesting professional help isn’t abandoning them — it’s guiding them toward proper care. Your friendship wasn’t meant to replace professional mental health support.
7. Your own problems need attention.
Being someone’s constant emotional support can distract you from processing your own feelings and challenges. Your personal growth matters just as much as anyone else’s. When you spend hours helping others work through their issues, you might find yourself putting your own emotional needs on hold.
8. Friendship should feel balanced.
Healthy relationships involve give and take from both sides. If conversations always centre around their problems, with little interest in your life or wellbeing, the friendship has become one-sided. You deserve space to share your experiences and receive support when you need it, too.
9. Your time deserves respect.
Late-night crisis calls and lengthy emotional processing sessions can disrupt your schedule and drain your energy. While emergencies happen, regular interruptions to your work, sleep, or personal time indicate a need for better boundaries. Your availability isn’t unlimited, and that’s perfectly okay.
10. Their healing isn’t your journey.
Supporting someone through difficult times doesn’t mean carrying their emotional burden. When they resist positive changes or continue harmful patterns despite your advice, remember that you can’t force someone to heal. Their growth process belongs to them, even when it’s difficult to watch them struggle.
11. Your emotions matter too.
Constantly absorbing someone else’s heavy emotions can leave you feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from your own feelings. Pay attention when you start feeling anxious about their messages or drained after conversations. These feelings are valid signals that your emotional boundaries need strengthening.
12. Guilt isn’t a good reason to listen.
Source: Unsplash The fear of letting someone down shouldn’t drive you to become their permanent emotional support. If you find yourself listening out of guilt rather than genuine capacity to help, both of you deserve something better. True support comes from a place of strength and clarity, not obligation and exhaustion.
13. Change takes time and effort.
Source: Unsplash Real personal growth requires consistent work and genuine commitment to change. If someone repeatedly shares their struggles but shows no interest in taking active steps toward improvement, they might be using you as an emotional crutch rather than a supportive friend. Your role isn’t to become their permanent sounding board.
14. Distance can be healthy.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes creating space between yourself and someone who constantly wants emotional support is necessary. Taking breaks from intense conversations and establishing clear communication boundaries helps maintain your own mental health. Stepping back doesn’t mean abandoning them — it means taking care of yourself.
15. Your wellbeing isn’t negotiable.
Source: Unsplash At the end of the day, protecting your mental and emotional health isn’t just important — it’s essential. When someone’s emotional needs start affecting your own stability, sleep, or peace of mind, you have every right to establish firmer boundaries. Supporting others shouldn’t come at the cost of your own wellbeing.
