When you’ve only known toxic relationships, it’s easy to mistake some pretty wildly inappropriate behaviours as common and okay.
Over time, you might even convince yourself that certain things are just “how relationships are.” Spoiler: they’re not. Just because you got used to putting up with certain things doesn’t make them right. Even if you end up leaving those relationships behind, you might still struggle to get your head around the fact that in healthy connections, these things aren’t normal.
1. Constant fighting is expected.
If you think daily arguments are just part of being in a relationship, think again. Disagreements happen, but constant bickering isn’t a sign of passion—it’s a sign of poor communication. Healthy couples resolve conflicts without turning every day into a battlefield. If your arguments escalate into personal attacks or shouting matches, it’s a red flag, not a routine.
2. Apologies don’t mean much.
In toxic relationships, “I’m sorry” often comes without any real change. If you’ve learned to accept empty apologies as enough, you’re settling for a cycle of hurt. In healthy relationships, apologies come with action to make things right. Words without effort don’t heal wounds—they just reopen them over time.
3. Walking on eggshells is normal.
If you’re always tiptoeing around your partner to avoid setting them off, that’s a red flag. Relationships should feel safe, not like a minefield. Respect doesn’t mean fear—it means mutual understanding and acceptance. If you’re suppressing your own needs to maintain peace, it’s not peace at all—it’s control disguised as compromise.
4. Jealousy equals love.
Believing that jealousy is proof of love can trap you in controlling dynamics. True love is rooted in trust, not insecurity. If your partner’s jealousy feels suffocating, it’s a sign to rethink what love should really feel like. Healthy relationships value freedom and confidence, not possessiveness.
5. Criticism is just “tough love.”
Being criticised constantly—whether it’s about how you look, act, or even think—is not love. Healthy relationships uplift and encourage, not tear you down. Tough love isn’t about cruelty; it’s about supporting someone while respecting their dignity. Love should leave you feeling empowered, not broken.
6. Over-the-top romantic gestures fix everything.
If your partner uses grand gestures to distract from ongoing issues, it’s not romance—it’s manipulation. A surprise bouquet doesn’t erase toxic behaviour. Real love involves addressing problems, not hiding them behind grand displays. Grand gestures might feel exciting, but they’re no substitute for meaningful change.
7. Privacy doesn’t exist.
Checking phones, reading messages, or demanding constant updates isn’t a sign of closeness—it’s a sign of control. Healthy couples respect each other’s boundaries and trust without constant surveillance. Privacy isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Trust grows when partners feel secure, not monitored.
8. You’re responsible for their happiness.
If you’ve been made to believe that keeping your partner happy is solely your job, that’s a heavy (and unfair) burden. Healthy relationships involve two people who find happiness within themselves and share it—not demand it. Supporting each other is wonderful, but being the sole source of someone’s joy is impossible.
9. You can’t have your own life.
Feeling guilty for having interests or friendships outside your relationship is a hallmark of toxicity. Healthy love supports individuality and independence. If your partner needs you 24/7, it’s not devotion—it’s control. Thriving relationships encourage personal growth and celebrate separate successes.
10. Silent treatment is acceptable.
Shutting someone out for hours or days isn’t just immature—it’s damaging. Healthy relationships involve open communication, not stonewalling. If you’ve come to see the silent treatment as normal, it’s time to reframe your expectations. Ignoring problems only creates more distance, not solutions.
11. You’re always to blame.
If every problem somehow becomes your fault, that’s emotional manipulation, not accountability. In a healthy relationship, both partners share responsibility for their actions and work together to solve issues. Blame-shifting only creates resentment and confusion. Mutual respect means taking ownership, not pointing fingers.
12. Love feels like a rollercoaster.
If you’re constantly cycling between extreme highs and crushing lows, it’s not passion—it’s instability. Healthy love is steady and supportive, not chaotic and unpredictable. Emotional whiplash shouldn’t be the price of affection. Real connection feels more like calm waters than a raging storm.
13. Boundaries are negotiable.
In toxic relationships, boundaries are often ignored or dismissed. If you’ve been taught that “real love” means giving up your comfort or values, you’ve been misled. Respect for boundaries is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. True love celebrates, not destroys, individuality.
14. Criticism is disguised as “honesty.”
If your partner’s “brutal honesty” leaves you feeling small, it’s not honesty—it’s cruelty. Healthy communication delivers truth with kindness, aiming to build up rather than tear down. Tough truths don’t have to hurt. They should encourage understanding and growth, not insecurity.
15. Love means sacrifice—always.
If you believe love is all about giving and rarely about receiving, you’ve been conditioned to accept imbalance. Healthy relationships involve compromise, not one-sided sacrifice. Both partners deserve to feel valued and supported equally. Real love feels like a partnership, not a charity.
