When your partner is unfaithful, the last thing you care about is why they did it — the fact that they did is all that matters.
However, it does help to know what goes on in a cheater’s head when they choose to completely betray their partner’s trust and be disloyal by sleeping with someone else. How do they live with themselves? The answer depends on the person, but it often comes town to delusion, lies, and avoidance. Here are some of the ways cheaters think and how they sleep at night knowing what they’ve done (or are still doing) to their partner.
1. They often justify their actions to themselves.
Cheaters rarely see themselves as the bad guy. They find ways to justify what they’re doing, convincing themselves that it’s not *that* bad or that their partner somehow deserves it. This way, they can cheat without feeling the full weight of guilt.
2. They compartmentalise their actions.
Many cheaters mentally separate their cheating life from their regular life. They’ll tell themselves, “What happens with this person doesn’t affect my relationship,” as a way to avoid dealing with the guilt. This mental separation helps them avoid feeling conflicted about their actions.
3. They convince themselves they won’t get caught.
Cheaters often believe they’re smarter than they actually are. They think they can manage both their cheating and their main relationship without ever getting caught. They underestimate how easy it is for inconsistencies or slip-ups to reveal the truth.
4. They don’t always plan to cheat.
Not every cheater goes into a situation thinking, “I’m going to cheat today.” Sometimes, it happens in the moment, and they rationalise it afterward. They might even surprise themselves by how far they let things go.
5. They crave attention or validation.
Cheating isn’t always about physical attraction. Sometimes it’s about the need for attention or validation that they feel they’re not getting in their relationship. It’s a way for them to fill emotional gaps without addressing the real issues at home.
6. They don’t always think about the consequences.
In the moment, cheaters rarely think about how their actions could hurt their partner or ruin their relationship. They’re more focused on the immediate thrill or escape than the long-term fallout. The temporary high blinds them to the damage they’re doing.
7. They tell themselves they’ll stop “soon.”
Many cheaters think of it as a temporary thing. They tell themselves, “I’ll end this soon,” or “This is the last time.” But they rarely follow through until they’re forced to confront what they’ve done. The idea of stopping later helps them push their guilt aside for now.
8. They feel a rush from breaking the rules.
For some cheaters, the excitement comes from doing something they know they shouldn’t. The secrecy and the thrill of getting away with it is part of what keeps them hooked. The adrenaline of the risk makes it even harder to walk away.
9. They minimise the emotional impact.
Cheaters often downplay the emotional toll their actions could have on their partner. They tell themselves that if it’s just physical, it doesn’t count, or they convince themselves their partner wouldn’t be that hurt if they knew. They might even think that what their partner doesn’t know won’t hurt them.
10. They may still love their partner.
It sounds strange, but many cheaters still claim to love their partner. They don’t always cheat because they’ve fallen out of love. For some, the cheating is about something else—like attention, excitement, or even insecurity. Their feelings for their partner are real, but their actions don’t match.
11. They think they’re in control of the situation.
Cheaters often believe they can control the cheating situation—how far it goes, whether it gets serious, and when it stops. They think they’re the ones calling the shots, even though things can easily spiral out of control. They don’t realise how easily emotions or situations can shift.
12. They’re experts at denial.
Cheaters are often in denial about the seriousness of what they’re doing. They’ll tell themselves it’s “just this once,” or “it doesn’t mean anything,” as a way to avoid confronting the real damage they’re causing. Denial helps them avoid feeling accountable for their actions.
13. They lie to themselves just as much as they lie to other people.
Source: Unsplash It’s not just their partner who’s getting deceived. Cheaters lie to themselves to make their behaviour feel more acceptable. They tell themselves they’re not a bad person, or that this is somehow justified. The more they believe their own lies, the easier it becomes to keep cheating.
14. They fear confrontation more than guilt.
Source: Unsplash A lot of cheaters don’t stop because they feel guilty—they stop because they’re afraid of getting caught. The fear of the confrontation and fallout from being found out often outweighs any guilt they may feel about their actions. Getting caught forces them to face the reality they’ve been avoiding.
15. They believe they can “fix” things afterward.
Source: Unsplash Many cheaters think they can cheat, and if they get caught, they can just apologise and patch things up. They believe they’ll be able to talk their way out of it or somehow make things right, even though it’s rarely that simple. This belief keeps them from fully understanding the long-term damage cheating can cause.
