Ever felt like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around someone, always worried you’ll upset them or do something wrong? It’s not a fun feeling, and it could be a sign you’re dealing with a manipulative person. Here’s how you know what you’re dealing with.
1. They use the silent treatment.
The silent treatment is the gold standard for manipulators. They remain silent, stop answering your calls and replies, and, in a word, disappear. You basically develop a phobia while questioning over what you did wrong and what you can do to make it right again. They have all the power, and it is a way to make you feel guilty and responsible for their feelings, even if they’re the one in the wrong.
2. They remind you of past favours.
Remember that time they helped you move, or lent you money? They certainly do, and they’ll remind you of it over and over again, making it seem like you owe them something in return. It’s a way of keeping score and making you feel indebted to them, so you’re more likely to go along with whatever they ask of you, no matter how outlandish the request.
3. They play the victim.
No matter what’s going on, they find a way to twist it and seem like they’re hurt the most. They’ll make their pain seem bigger, point to you as the cause of their troubles, and make you think you should say sorry. It’s a typical trick to control you that can make you feel bad and like it’s your fault they’re not happy.
4. They use emotional blackmail.
They threaten to harm themselves, destroy your reputation, or leave the relationship if you don’t do what they want. It’s an immature low blow, but it’s incredibly effective at making you feel guilty and scared. They prey on your emotions and insecurities to get their way, leaving you feeling trapped and powerless.
5. They compare you to other people.
They’ll constantly hold you up against other people, pointing out the ways they think you’re lacking. They might say things like, “Why can’t you be more like so-and-so?” or “Everyone else is doing it, why won’t you?” However, as WebMD explains, it’s a trick to make you feel like you’re not good enough so that you become more desperate for their approval.
6. They make you feel like you’re not good enough.
They’ll subtly (or not so subtly) put you down, criticize your appearance, your choices, or your accomplishments. They might make offhand remarks like, “That top doesn’t really suit you” or “Do you really have the experience for that job?” These seemingly innocuous comments can annihilate your self-worth and make you feel like you’re not good enough for them.
7. They gaslight you.
Gaslighting is a very sneaky practise in which someone makes you question your own mind and what you remember. They might say they never said or did things, even when you’re sure they did. They might call you “nuts” or say you’re “making a big deal out of nothing.” This can make you feel mixed up, lost, and doubt what you think is real.
8. They use guilt trips.
They can make you feel bad for hanging out with other people, having fun without them, or just not being with them all the time. They might say stuff like, “If you really loved me, you’d hang out with me more,” or “I’m always here for you, but you’re not for me.” It’s a trick to control what you do and make you feel bad for living your own life.
9. They twist your words.
Ever had a conversation where you said something completely innocent, only to have it twisted into something malicious? That’s a classic manipulative tactic, Verywell Health notes. They’ll misinterpret your words, take them out of context, or put a negative spin on them to make you feel guilty or defensive. It’s a way to control the narrative and make you question your own intentions.
10. They make passive-aggressive comments.
They won’t come right out and say what they’re thinking, but they’ll drop little hints and snide comments that leave you feeling uncomfortable and kind of annoyed. It’s like a constant game of emotional hide-and-seek. They might say things like, “Oh, I guess you’re too busy for me now” or “It’s fine, I’ll just do it myself.” They’re trying to make you feel guilty without giving you a chance to address the problem directly.
11. They give backhanded compliments.
At first, it may seem like they’re complimenting you, but in the end, there’s always a hidden insult. They might say things like, “You look pretty good for your age” or “You’re so smart for someone who didn’t go to university.” These backhanded compliments are their way of making you doubt your own worth.
12. They make you feel like you’re always wrong.
No matter what you do or say, they always find a way to make you feel like you’re the bad guy. They’ll nitpick your every move, second-guess your decisions, and question your motives in order to destroy your self-confidence and make you more dependent on their approval.
13. They play on your insecurities.
They know your weak spots, and they’ll exploit them mercilessly. They might bring up past mistakes, highlight your flaws, or play on your fears. This can leave you feeling vulnerable, insecure, and more susceptible to their manipulation.
14. They make you feel like you owe them.
They’ll constantly remind you of all the things they’ve done for you, making it seem like you’re in their debt. They might exaggerate their efforts, downplay your contributions, or even make up things they’ve supposedly done for you. This creates a sense of obligation and makes it harder for you to say no to their requests.
15. They isolate you from your support system.
Manipulative people often try to isolate you from your friends and family. They might criticize your loved ones, discourage you from spending time with them, or even try to create conflict between you and them. This isolation makes you more dependent on them and less likely to seek outside support or validation.
