Sometimes, you don’t have to outright say, “It’s fine to treat me poorly” for people to pick up that message.
The ways you act, react, or stay silent can give people the green light to use you as their own personal doormat. These patterns can be subtle, sneaky, and hard to notice, especially when you’re just trying to keep the peace. However, if you’re doing any of these things, you might be unknowingly telling people it’s okay to disrespect you.
1. You over-apologise for everything.
Constantly saying “sorry” even when it’s not your fault? That’s a sign you’re letting people think you’re always in the wrong. It might feel like you’re being considerate, but over-apologising makes it seem like you’re ready to take the blame for anything, even if it’s not yours to take. It’s a habit that tells people they can criticise you without consequence.
2. You laugh off disrespectful comments.
When someone says something hurtful, and you laugh it off, you’re letting them think it doesn’t bother you. Even if it stings, pretending it’s funny or fine makes it easier for them to keep crossing boundaries. It’s like giving them permission to keep pushing your limits, when in reality, you deserve better.
3. You let people interrupt you.
Letting people talk over you without speaking up might feel like keeping the peace in the moment, but it subtly signals that what you have to say isn’t as important. Over time, people start to think they don’t need to listen, which only leaves you feeling ignored and frustrated.
4. You don’t enforce your boundaries.
Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you constantly back down when people cross them, they’ll start to think your limits aren’t real. If you don’t stick to what you’ve said, people won’t respect you the way you deserve. Boundaries are only meaningful when you stick to them, no matter how uncomfortable it might feel.
5. You ignore your own needs to please everyone else.
When you’re constantly putting everyone else’s needs before your own, it’s easy for people to take advantage. You might think you’re being kind or selfless, but it actually tells people that your time and well-being aren’t as important. It’s hard to respect yourself when you’re always putting everyone else first.
6. You avoid confrontation like the plague.
Avoiding confrontation might seem like the easiest way to keep things smooth, but if you never speak up when something isn’t right, it makes people think their behaviour is fine. Sometimes, standing up for yourself is the best way to show respect for your own worth. It doesn’t have to be a big argument—it just needs to be clear.
7. You stay silent when you’re upset.
Source: Unsplash When something bothers you and you don’t say anything, it often gets taken as acceptance. The person might not even realise they’ve hurt you. Speaking up—even if it’s just to express how you feel—lets people know that their actions matter to you, and you deserve respect in return.
8. You downplay your accomplishments.
If you’re always brushing off your successes with comments like “It’s no big deal” or “I just got lucky,” you’re sending a message that your achievements aren’t worth acknowledging. Downplaying your worth makes it easier for people to ignore your hard work. Own it and let everyone see how much you bring to the table.
9. You let people make decisions for you.
When you constantly let people decide for you—whether it’s where to go for dinner or what plans to make—it can make your preferences seem unimportant. Being clear about your choices shows that your voice matters, and it gives everyone the chance to respect your input.
10. You tolerate gossip or negativity directed at you.
If you let people gossip about you or say rude things without addressing it, you’re giving them the green light to keep going. Letting things slide might seem easier, but calling out negativity shows that you won’t stand for being disrespected behind your back.
11. You always say “yes” even when you want to say “no.”
Being a people-pleaser is exhausting, and when you agree to everything, you’re basically telling people you don’t have limits. Saying “no” isn’t a bad thing—it’s a healthy way of taking care of yourself. If you want people to respect your time and energy, you have to set boundaries, even if it’s uncomfortable.
12. You accept half-hearted apologies.
A quick, “I’m sorry you feel that way” doesn’t cut it. If you accept apologies that don’t come with any real change or accountability, you’re giving the impression that people don’t need to take responsibility for their actions. Real apologies require effort—and if that’s not happening, it’s okay to call it out.
13. You let people take credit for your work.
Whether it’s a project at work or something in your personal life, letting people take credit for what you’ve done can make you feel invisible. If you don’t speak up when your contributions are overlooked, people will start to think you’re fine with being in the background. Your work deserves recognition.
14. You justify or explain your feelings.
Constantly feeling like you have to explain why you’re upset or why something bothered you can make it seem like your feelings aren’t valid. You don’t need to defend your emotions. Expressing how you feel in a calm, straightforward way shows that your emotions are worthy of respect.
15. You forgive too quickly without real change.
Forgiveness is important, but if you keep forgiving without seeing any change in behaviour, it can make people think their actions are excusable. True forgiveness comes with accountability. It’s okay to set a standard for how you want to be treated and to wait for real effort before offering your forgiveness.
