We all want to be well-liked, but going too far in an attempt to be popular or fit in tends to have the opposite effect in the end.
You’re not desperate or pathetic, but is your behaviour sending the message that you are? If you’re doing any of these things, you’re trying too hard to get on everyone’s good side, and you need to relax a bit. Authenticity really is the key to being genuinely liked, take a deep breath and be yourself. You’ll be a lot happier — not to mention a lot more likely to be accepted by the group — when you do.
1. You change your opinions to match the group.
If you always agree with everyone, even when you secretly feel differently, you might be trying too hard to fit in. It’s natural to want harmony, but constantly suppressing your true thoughts can be emotionally draining. Authentic relationships are built on honest exchanges, not just nodding along to avoid conflict.
2. You laugh at jokes you don’t find funny.
Forcing laughter at jokes that don’t amuse you is a clear sign of trying too hard. While it’s polite to acknowledge people’s attempts at humour, fake laughter can feel insincere to both you and everyone else. It’s okay to have a different sense of humour; your genuine reactions are more valuable than forced ones. Plus, people will probably appreciate your quirkiness, so don’t try to hide it away!
3. You buy things you don’t need or like just because they’re trendy.
If your wardrobe or home is full of trendy items that don’t truly reflect your taste, you’re obviously prioritising fitting in over your own preferences. While it’s fun to try new styles, buying things solely for their popularity rather than your genuine interest makes you look insecure and a bit try-hard.
4. You pretend to like things you really hate.
Forcing yourself to enjoy activities that you genuinely don’t like is a form of self-betrayal. Whether it’s claiming to love a sport you find boring or pretending to enjoy nights out when you’d rather be at home, this behaviour can lead to resentment and exhaustion. It’s okay to have different interests from your peers.
5. You downplay your achievements to avoid standing out.
While modesty is admirable, consistently minimising your accomplishments to blend in can be harmful. If you find yourself hiding your successes or talents to avoid seeming different, you’re trying way too hard to fit in. Your achievements are part of who you are and deserve acknowledgement.
6. You use phrases or slang that feel unnatural to you.
Adopting language that feels forced or unnatural is a common sign of trying too hard. While language evolves, and it’s normal to pick up new sayings, if you’re consciously changing your speech to match the people you’re around, it might be worth reflecting on why. Your natural way of speaking is part of your unique identity.
7. You’re always available, even when you need alone time.
Constantly saying yes to social invitations, even when you’re exhausted or need time to yourself, is a huge sign of trying too hard to fit in (and people-pleasing, but that’s another article). It’s important to maintain boundaries and recognise your own needs for rest and alone time. True friends will understand and respect this.
8. You regularly check social media to see what other people are doing.
Source: Unsplash If you’re constantly scrolling through social media, comparing your life to other people’s and feeling anxious about missing out, you might be too focused on fitting in. Remember, social media often shows a curated version of people’s lives. Your unique journey doesn’t need to mirror anyone else’s.
9. You apologise non-stop, even for small things.
Over-apologising, especially for things that aren’t your fault or don’t warrant an apology, can be a sign of trying too hard to please people. While politeness is important, constant apologies can undermine your confidence and how people see you. It’s okay to take up space and have opinions.
10. You change your appearance dramatically to match current trends.
While experimenting with your look can be fun, dramatically altering your appearance solely to fit in with current trends is a cringeworthy sign of trying too hard. If these changes make you uncomfortable or don’t feel like ‘you’, it’s worth considering why you’re making them. Your personal style should reflect your authentic self.
11. You skirt around expressing your true feelings to keep the peace.
Constantly suppressing your feelings to avoid rocking the boat is unhealthy. If you find yourself swallowing your feelings to maintain harmony in a group, you might be prioritising fitting in over your mental health. Honest, respectful communication is key to genuine connections.
12. You pretend to know about things you actually have no knowledge of.
Faking knowledge about subjects you don’t understand, rather than admitting you don’t know something, is a clear sign of trying too hard. It’s okay not to know everything; showing curiosity and willingness to learn is more authentic and often more appreciated than pretending.
13. You neglect old friends or interests to fit in with a new group.
If you’re distancing yourself from long-time friends or abandoning hobbies you love to fit in with a new crowd, you might be trying too hard. While it’s natural for friendships and interests to evolve, completely changing your social circle or passions to fit in can lead to losing touch with your authentic self.
14. You feel exhausted after socialising.
If you consistently feel drained after spending time with certain people, it might be because you’re expending too much energy trying to fit in. While some social situations can be naturally tiring, feeling consistently exhausted might indicate you’re not being true to yourself in these interactions.
15. You’re overly concerned with what people think of you.
Constantly worrying about other people’s opinions and adjusting your behaviour accordingly is a sign you might be trying too hard to fit in. Obviously, it’s normal to care what people think to some degree, but if these concerns dominate your thoughts and actions, you’re less likely to be your authentic self.
