You pride yourself on being kind and considerate to your partner, and that’s great, but are you taking it too far and verging into “nice girl” territory?
By “nice girl,” I mean going overboard trying to make sure your partner is happy, all the while completely neglecting your own needs and even diminishing your own worth. Here are some warning signs of this behaviour — if you recognise them in yourself, it’s time to make a change.
1. You constantly apologise for things that aren’t your fault.
You end up saying “sorry” for the smallest things, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. Perhaps you apologise when your partner bumps into you or when they’re in a bad mood. This excessive apologising can stem from a fear of upsetting people and may lead to you taking on unnecessary blame in your relationship.
2. You never say no to your partner’s requests, even when you’re exhausted.
Whether it’s going out when you’d rather stay in or taking on extra chores when you’re already swamped, you always say yes. This inability to set boundaries can lead to burnout and resentment. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to prioritise your own needs sometimes.
3. You hide your true feelings to avoid causing any upset.
When something bothers you, you bite your tongue instead of speaking up. You might pretend everything’s fine when you’re actually hurt or disappointed. This habit of suppressing your emotions can lead to pent-up frustration and prevent open, honest communication in your relationship.
4. You always let your partner choose where to go and what to do.
From deciding what to have for dinner to planning holidays, you consistently defer to your partner’s preferences. While compromise is important, constantly sacrificing your own desires can lead to a loss of identity within the relationship. It’s crucial to voice your opinions and contribute to decision-making.
5. You downplay your achievements to avoid outshining your partner.
When you accomplish something great, you minimise it or keep quiet about it altogether. You might worry that celebrating your successes will make your partner feel inadequate. This habit can lead to your partner undervaluing your contributions and can chip away at your self-esteem over time.
6. You take on the bulk of household responsibilities without discussion.
You do most of the cooking, cleaning, and organising without ever having a conversation about fair division of labour. You might worry that asking for help will make you seem demanding. This imbalance can lead to exhaustion and resentment if left unaddressed.
7. You frequently cancel plans with friends to accommodate your partner.
Whenever there’s a clash between your social plans and your partner’s wishes, you automatically choose your partner. While prioritising your relationship is important, consistently sacrificing your friendships can lead to isolation and an unhealthy dependence on your partner for all your social needs.
8. You avoid expressing your sexual desires or preferences.
In the bedroom, you focus entirely on your partner’s pleasure, rarely voicing your own needs or fantasies. You might worry about seeming too forward or fear rejection. This one-sided approach to intimacy can lead to sexual frustration and a lack of fulfilment in your relationship.
9. You pretend to share all of your partner’s interests, even when you don’t.
Whether it’s feigning enthusiasm for their favourite sport or pretending to enjoy a genre of music you actually dislike, you mould your preferences to match theirs. This behaviour can lead to a loss of your own identity and prevent your partner from truly knowing and appreciating the real you.
10. You take on the role of emotional caretaker without reciprocation.
You’re always there to listen to your partner’s problems and offer support, but you rarely share your own struggles. This one-sided emotional labour can be draining and prevent you from receiving the support you need. A healthy relationship involves mutual emotional care and vulnerability.
11. You avoid confrontation at all costs, even when it’s necessary.
When issues arise in your relationship, you sweep them under the rug rather than addressing them head-on. You might fear that bringing up problems will lead to conflict or the end of the relationship. However, avoiding necessary conversations can lead to unresolved issues festering over time.
12. You constantly need your partner’s approval before making decisions.
From choosing an outfit to making career moves, you feel the need to run everything by your partner first. While it’s natural to value your partner’s opinion, constantly looking for approval can undermine your confidence and autonomy. It’s important to trust your own judgment and make independent decisions.
13. You ignore red flags to maintain the image of a perfect relationship.
When your partner behaves in ways that make you uncomfortable or upset, you rationalise or dismiss these behaviours. You might tell yourself that every relationship has problems or that you’re overreacting. This tendency to overlook issues can prevent you from addressing serious problems in your relationship.
14. You take on your partner’s emotional burdens as your own.
When your partner is stressed or upset, you feel responsible for fixing their mood. You might lose sleep worrying about their problems or neglect your own needs to focus on theirs. While supporting your partner is important, taking on their emotional state as your own can be exhausting and unhealthy.
15. You struggle to accept compliments or gifts from your partner.
When your partner praises you or gives you a gift, you feel uncomfortable and try to deflect. You might worry about seeming vain if you accept a compliment, or fear that you don’t deserve kind gestures. This difficulty in receiving can create an imbalance in your relationship and prevent you from fully enjoying your partner’s affection.
