Let’s face it, we’ve all had our moments of being less-than-stellar partners. Whether it’s a fleeting moment of selfishness or a recurring pattern of bad behaviour, it’s important to recognise when our actions might be hurting our loved ones. Here are a few signs that you might be falling short in the relationship department, and some tips on how to turn things around.
1. You take your partner for granted.
Maybe you’ve stopped saying “thank you” for the little things, or maybe you forget to acknowledge their efforts. You might even roll your eyes when they share their day. If you’re not showing appreciation or making them feel valued, it’s time to step up your game. A little gratitude goes a long way, as Psychology Today notes.
2. You’re always on your phone when you’re together.
Sure, we all love scrolling through social media, but constantly checking your phone when you’re supposed to be spending quality time with your partner is a major red flag. It sends the message that you’re not interested in what they have to say, or that your virtual world is more important than their presence. Put the phone down and engage with your partner.
3. You never apologise.
Everyone messes up sometimes, but if you’re incapable of owning your mistakes and apologising, it’s a problem. Nobody’s perfect, and a sincere apology can go a long way in mending hurt feelings. Remember, it’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about showing your partner that you care about their feelings and are willing to take responsibility for your actions.
4. You make everything about you.
Relationships are a two-way street, but if you’re always making everything about yourself, it’s not a healthy dynamic. Do you interrupt your partner mid-sentence to talk about yourself? Do you always steer the conversation back to your own interests? Start listening more and showing genuine interest in what your partner has to say.
5. You’re always criticising.
A little constructive criticism can be helpful, but if you’re constantly pointing out your partner’s flaws and shortcomings, it’s going to wear them down. No one wants to feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you. Try focusing on their positive qualities and offering encouragement instead of negativity, The Gottman Institute suggests.
6. You don’t make time for your partner.
Life gets busy, we get it. But if you’re consistently prioritising everything else over your partner, it’s a recipe for disaster. Even small gestures, like sending a sweet text during the day or making time for a date night, can go a long way in showing your partner that they’re a priority.
7. You never compromise.
Compromise is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. If you’re always insisting on getting your way, refusing to budge on disagreements, or expecting your partner to always give in, it’s not fair. Learn to meet in the middle and find solutions that work for both of you.
8. You keep secrets from your partner.
Honesty is crucial in any relationship. If you’re hiding things from your partner, whether it’s big or small, it erodes trust and creates a sense of distance. Be open and transparent with your partner, even if it’s difficult. Remember, they’re your teammate, not your opponent.
9. You’re always keeping score.
Relationships aren’t a competition, and keeping score of who did what last or who’s “winning” is a toxic habit. If you find yourself tallying up favours or holding grudges over past mistakes, it’s time to let go of the scorecard and focus on building a team mentality. Remember, you and your partner are on the same side.
10. You’re not supportive of your partner’s dreams and goals.
A good partner is your biggest cheerleader, encouraging you to pursue your passions and celebrating your achievements. If you’re dismissive of your partner’s dreams, belittle their efforts, or make them feel like their goals are unimportant, it’s a major red flag. Be their biggest fan and support their journey, even if it’s not something you personally understand.
11. You’re emotionally distant or unavailable.
Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds relationships together. If you’re not willing to open up, share your feelings, or be vulnerable with your partner, it creates a barrier between you. Make an effort to connect with your partner on a deeper level, whether it’s through heartfelt conversations, physical affection, or simply spending quality time together.
12. You prioritise your friends over your partner.
While having a strong social circle is important, neglecting your partner to hang out with friends all the time is not okay. Your partner should be your priority, and they deserve your attention and dedication. Find a healthy balance between your social life and your relationship, and make sure your partner feels valued and loved.
13. You’re always the victim.
Everyone faces challenges in life, but if you’re constantly playing the victim card and refusing to take responsibility for your own actions, it’s a problem. Own your mistakes, learn from them, and move on. Nobody wants to be with someone who constantly blames other people for their problems and refuses to grow.
14. You’re jealous and possessive.
A little jealousy can be cute, but if it’s excessive and controlling, it’s toxic. Trust is essential in any relationship, and if you’re constantly accusing your partner of cheating, questioning their every move, or trying to isolate them from their friends and family, it’s a major red flag.
15. You don’t make your partner feel special.
Relationships require effort and nurturing. If you’ve stopped putting in the effort to make your partner feel special and appreciated, it’s time to rekindle the spark. Plan a surprise date night, write them a heartfelt note, or simply tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Small gestures can go a long way in strengthening your connection.
