Sexuality isn’t always as straightforward (pun not intended) as a lot of people assume.
You might have spent years thinking you knew exactly what you were attracted to, only to eventually realise that things feel a little more complicated. Whether it’s a passing thought, a change in feelings, or an attraction you can’t quite explain, these signs might suggest you may not be as straight — or as gay! — as you once thought.
1. You’ve felt something unexpected for someone outside your type.
Maybe you’ve always considered yourself straight, but suddenly find yourself drawn to someone of the same sex. Or maybe you’ve always identified as gay, but notice an unexpected pull towards someone of a different gender. These feelings might catch you off guard, but they don’t happen for no reason. Attraction isn’t always predictable. Just because you’ve always assumed you’re only into one thing doesn’t mean that’s set in stone. Sometimes, realising your sexuality isn’t as black and white as you thought starts with one surprising connection.
2. You relate to LGBTQIA+ experiences, even if you’ve never identified that way.
When you hear people talk about their journeys with sexuality — questioning, self-discovery, uncertainty — something about it resonates with you. Maybe you feel a little too familiar with the feeling of figuring things out or wondering if your feelings mean more than you’ve let yourself believe. If stories about sexuality struggles or realisations make you think, “Wait… that sounds like me,” it could be a sign that you’re not as certain about your own preferences as you thought.
3. You feel a deeper attraction that goes beyond physical appearance.
Sometimes, it’s not just about who you find physically attractive — it’s about the emotional pull. You might not have considered yourself attracted to a certain gender before, but then you meet someone who changes that. It could be their energy, their personality, or the way you connect with them. If you feel something deeper than just admiration, it might be worth questioning whether it’s just appreciation or something more.
4. You’ve downplayed past attractions because they didn’t fit your identity.
Maybe you once had a crush on someone but brushed it off as a “phase” or a one-time thing. Or perhaps you convinced yourself that what you felt wasn’t real because it didn’t align with what you thought your sexuality was. Looking back, do those feelings seem more significant now? Sometimes, people dismiss their own experiences because they’re not ready to accept them. But if those moments keep resurfacing in your mind, it might be time to reconsider what they meant.
5. You’ve felt jealous in situations that didn’t make sense.
Jealousy is a funny thing; it sometimes reveals feelings you weren’t even aware of. Have you ever felt weirdly possessive or jealous about a friend’s relationship, even when you weren’t romantically involved with them? Have you ever been strangely affected by someone’s attraction to another person? Sometimes, those emotions are linked to attraction we haven’t fully acknowledged yet. If you’ve felt a twinge of jealousy but couldn’t explain why, it might be worth exploring what was really going on.
6. You find yourself fixated on certain people in a way that goes beyond friendship.
There’s admiration, and then there’s something else — something you can’t quite put your finger on. Maybe you’ve found yourself constantly drawn to a certain person, thinking about them more than seems normal for just a friend. If your emotional connection to someone feels intense in a way that you struggle to explain, it could be a sign that there’s something deeper at play.
7. You’re more curious than you used to be.
As you grow and experience more, you might notice a shift in curiosity. Maybe you’ve started wondering about things you never questioned before: what it would be like to be with someone of a different gender, whether you’d feel a connection if you explored something new. Curiosity alone doesn’t define sexuality, but if you’re repeatedly drawn to the same questions or ideas, it could mean there’s something there worth exploring.
8. You feel something different when you watch certain films or shows.
Representation in the media can be eye-opening. Have you ever watched a scene with a same-sex couple and felt a pull you didn’t expect? Or maybe a character’s journey of self-discovery made you uncomfortably aware of your own thoughts. Attraction isn’t just about real-life experiences; it can be triggered by stories, images, or moments that make you feel something you can’t ignore. If certain things stand out to you more than they should, it might be worth paying attention.
9. You get defensive when the topic of sexuality comes up.
Sometimes, we push back hardest against the things we’re struggling with internally. If you find yourself shutting down conversations about sexuality, getting irritated when people ask about yours, or feeling uncomfortable when the topic is discussed, ask yourself why. Is it because it doesn’t interest you? Or is it because it hits a nerve? Defensiveness can sometimes be a sign of something deeper that you haven’t fully unpacked yet.
10. You’ve had fleeting thoughts but always pushed them away.
Maybe something has crossed your mind before — a fleeting attraction, a passing thought about what it would be like to be with someone outside your usual preference — but you shut it down quickly. If you’ve had these moments and immediately convinced yourself they didn’t mean anything, it could be worth revisiting. Sometimes, the thoughts we ignore the most are the ones that have something important to tell us.
11. You’ve felt uncomfortable with labels.
Labels can be helpful for some people, but if the one you’ve always identified with doesn’t feel quite right anymore, that’s something to explore. Maybe “straight” feels limiting, or “gay” doesn’t quite capture what you feel. Not fitting neatly into a box doesn’t mean something is wrong; it just means sexuality can be fluid, and your feelings might be shifting in ways you weren’t expecting.
12. You feel like you’ve been holding something back.
It’s hard to explain, but deep down, you might have the feeling that you’re not being completely honest with yourself. It’s not that you’ve been lying; it’s just that you’ve never fully explored what might be true. If you’ve spent years suppressing certain thoughts or brushing them aside, now might be the time to finally let yourself acknowledge them without fear or judgement.
13. You’ve felt relief at the idea of exploring other possibilities.
Have you ever imagined what it would be like to embrace a different version of your sexuality and felt a strange sense of relief? That feeling, like something suddenly makes sense, can be a powerful indicator that you’re on the right path. If the idea of questioning your sexuality feels freeing rather than stressful, that’s a good sign you’re finally allowing yourself to acknowledge something that’s been there all along.
14. You worry about what other people would think if you admitted it.
One reason people resist questioning their sexuality is fear — fear of judgement, of having to explain themselves, of what it might change. But if worrying about what other people think is the only thing stopping you from exploring it, that’s something to consider. At the end of the day, your sexuality is yours to understand, not something that needs to fit anyone else’s expectations.
15. You don’t have to be sure right now, and that’s okay.
Questioning doesn’t mean you have to immediately have all the answers. Sexuality isn’t a test with a final result; it’s something personal, and it’s okay to take your time figuring it out. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. If you’ve related to any of these signs, it doesn’t mean you need to label yourself right away. But it does mean that your feelings are valid, and they deserve to be explored in your own time, without pressure or fear.
