We’ve all experienced jealousy at some point in our lives. Maybe it was a pang of envy when your friend got that promotion, or a twinge of insecurity when your partner seemed a little too friendly with someone else. A little jealousy can be a normal, even healthy emotion. But sometimes, jealousy can morph into something darker, something that consumes you and turns you into a person you barely recognise. If you’re worried that your jealousy might be veering into monster territory, here are a few signs to watch out for.
1. You obsess over your partner’s or friend’s social media.
It starts with innocently checking their profiles, but soon you’re scrolling through years of posts, analysing every comment and like, searching for clues of infidelity or betrayal. This obsession takes over your thoughts, leaving you feeling anxious, insecure, and resentful.
2. You constantly compare yourself to everyone else and feel inadequate.
Source: Unsplash Jealousy often stems from feelings of inadequacy. You start comparing yourself to the person you’re jealous of, magnifying their strengths and minimising your own. This constant comparison breeds resentment and fuels a negative self-image, leaving you feeling like you’ll never measure up.
3. You try to control your partner’s or friend’s behaviour.
Jealousy can make you feel threatened and insecure, leading you to try to control the people you care about. You might start checking their phone, questioning their whereabouts, or dictating who they can and can’t spend time with. This controlling behaviour is suffocating and damaging to any relationship.
4. You lash out verbally or emotionally at the person you’re jealous of.
When jealousy boils over, it can manifest in verbal or emotional attacks. You might make snide remarks, spread rumours, or engage in passive-aggressive behaviour. This kind of negativity not only hurts the person you’re jealous of, but also reflects poorly on you.
5. You sabotage their relationships or opportunities.
In extreme cases, jealousy can lead to destructive behaviour. You might try to sabotage their relationships by creating conflict or spreading lies. You might even try to undermine their success by gossiping about them to their colleagues or boss. This kind of behaviour is toxic and can have devastating consequences.
6. You isolate yourself from your support system.
When consumed by jealousy, you might start to withdraw from your friends and family. You might feel ashamed of your feelings or worry that people will judge you. This isolation can make you feel even more alone and disconnected, exacerbating your negative emotions and fuelling the cycle of jealousy.
7. You neglect your own needs and well-being.
Jealousy can become so all-consuming that you neglect your own needs and well-being. You might stop taking care of yourself, neglecting your health, hobbies, or personal goals. This self-neglect can lead to a downward spiral, leaving you feeling depleted, exhausted, and even more susceptible to negative emotions.
8. You become consumed with revenge fantasies.
Source: Unsplash In the darkest corners of jealousy, thoughts of revenge can take root. You might fantasise about hurting the person you’re jealous of, either physically or emotionally. These fantasies can be a dangerous sign that your jealousy is spiralling out of control and needs immediate attention.
9. You lose sleep and appetite over your jealous thoughts.
Source: Unsplash The green-eyed monster can be a real sleep thief. If you find yourself tossing and turning at night, plagued by thoughts of your partner flirting with someone else or your friend getting an opportunity you didn’t, it’s a sign your jealousy is taking a toll on your well-being. Similarly, if your appetite dwindles and food loses its appeal because you’re so consumed by envy, it’s time to address the root of the problem.
10. You justify your negative behaviour as “protecting” your relationship or friendship.
Source: Unsplash Jealousy can make you believe that your controlling, manipulative, or even hurtful actions are justified because you’re “protecting” your loved one or your bond. You might convince yourself that snooping through their phone is just looking out for their best interests, or that isolating them from other friends is a way to keep them safe. This distorted thinking is a dangerous sign that your jealousy has warped your perception of reality.
11. You derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes.
Source: Unsplash When someone you’re jealous of experiences a setback or failure, do you secretly feel a sense of satisfaction or relief? This schadenfreude, or pleasure in bad things happening to other people, is a hallmark of toxic jealousy. It reveals a deep-seated resentment that can poison your relationships and turn you into someone you don’t want to be.
12. You struggle to celebrate other people’s successes or happiness.
Source: Unsplash Jealousy can make it difficult to genuinely feel happy for people, even those you care about. When your friend gets a promotion or your partner receives recognition, you might find yourself feeling bitter or resentful instead of joyful. This inability to celebrate people’s successes is a sign that your jealousy is hindering your ability to connect with people on a deeper level.
13. You feel a constant sense of paranoia and suspicion.
Source: Unsplash Jealousy can make you suspicious of everyone and everything. You might constantly worry that your partner is cheating, your friends are talking behind your back, or your colleagues are trying to undermine you. This paranoia can create a toxic environment, poisoning your relationships and destroying your trust in people.
14. You’ve lost interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Source: Unsplash Jealousy can rob you of your joy and motivation. When you’re consumed by envy and resentment, it’s hard to find pleasure in the things you once loved. You might stop pursuing your hobbies, neglecting your passions, and withdrawing from social activities. This loss of interest is a sign that your jealousy is taking a toll on your overall well-being.
15. You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
Jealousy can create a tense and volatile atmosphere in your relationships. You might constantly worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, afraid of triggering your partner’s or friend’s jealousy. This constant state of anxiety can be exhausting and emotionally draining, leaving you feeling trapped and unable to relax.
