Your kids may be all grown up now, but that doesn’t mean they’ve moved on from the events of their childhood.
Parenting isn’t easy, and making the right choices — or the ones that seem right at the time — is one of the most challenging parts of the job. You did the best you could, but your kids could still be holding on to some resentment about how things went down in their younger years. Here’s how you know that’s the case.
1. They avoid talking about their childhood.
If they’re dodging conversations about growing up, it might suggest discomfort with those memories. They could feel uneasy revisiting moments that bring up complicated emotions. This avoidance often points to unresolved feelings. It’s as if talking about the past stirs up things they’d rather leave alone. When they shy away from these conversations, it can hint at some lingering tension.
2. Communication with you feels limited.
When calls and visits are rare, it may be a sign of underlying frustration or resentment. Keeping interactions minimal can be a way of creating emotional distance. It doesn’t always mean they’re intentionally avoiding you, but it can signal guardedness. Limited contact often reflects an attempt to keep things light and distant. It might suggest they’re protecting themselves from feelings they’re not ready to address.
3. They bring up past conflicts quickly.
If old disagreements come up often, it could be a sign they haven’t fully let go. Revisiting past issues might mean they’re still carrying unresolved frustrations. Even if it feels like these things were settled, the fact they’re resurfacing shows they still hold weight. It suggests there’s more to the story they’re still working through. Bringing up the past like this hints at unresolved emotions.
4. They’re quick to criticise your actions.
Frequent criticism of your words or choices might reflect lingering frustrations. They may hold you to a high standard because of unresolved feelings about past parenting decisions. The criticism could be their indirect way of expressing disappointment. Sometimes, the feedback is less about now and more about what’s left unsaid from the past. It’s a way of showing that certain memories still affect them.
5. They’re private about their personal lives.
When adult children keep details of their lives to themselves, it can sometimes be about protecting their space. They may be uncomfortable sharing too much if old tensions haven’t been fully resolved. Their reluctance to open up might feel like they’re setting boundaries they didn’t feel they had before. Withholding details creates a bit of distance that can feel protective. Privacy here often signals they’re not completely at ease.
6. They downplay your role in their successes.
If they rarely acknowledge your support in their achievements, it may hint at unresolved feelings. Not giving credit could be their way of showing they felt misunderstood or unsupported growing up. It’s not necessarily about a lack of appreciation—it’s just that memories complicate things. Downplaying your role may feel like their way of reclaiming their own story. It can hint that they felt on their own in certain ways.
7. They skip family gatherings.
If they avoid family events, it might be about old dynamics they’d rather not revisit. Being around family can bring back memories that still feel unresolved. Choosing not to attend could be their way of keeping certain feelings at bay. Family gatherings often bring back emotions tied to the past, which can feel uncomfortable. Skipping these events might just be their way of staying comfortable.
8. Conversations often feel tense or short-tempered.
If discussions with you lead to frustration, it might hint at some lingering resentment. Certain topics or tones might trigger reactions, even if that’s not the intention. This tension can signal feelings they haven’t fully addressed. They may not even know why certain things get under their skin. When simple conversations feel strained, it can point to something more beneath the surface.
9. They compare your parenting to other people’s.
Bringing up other parents or different parenting styles might reflect what they felt was missing. Comparisons can hint at areas where they wish things had been different. It’s a subtle way of sharing disappointments or unmet expectations. These comments aren’t always intentional but can reflect deeper feelings. Comparing your approach to other peoples is often a way of expressing what they had hoped for.
10. Boundaries feel particularly strong.
If they keep firm boundaries with you, it might mean they’re protecting themselves from old hurts. Strong boundaries could look like limited time together or certain topics being off-limits. It doesn’t mean they’re pushing you away—it’s just their way of feeling safe. The distance acts as a bit of a buffer. Strong boundaries often suggest there are emotions they’re still processing.
11. They don’t come to you for advice.
If they rarely ask for your advice, it might mean they’re not comfortable relying on your input. Past experiences may have led them to prefer handling things on their own. The lack of connection on decision-making hints that they’re keeping your influence at a distance. It’s less about rejecting you and more about keeping some space. Not asking for advice can reflect old misunderstandings they haven’t moved past.
12. They avoid eye contact when discussing the past.
When talking about family memories or their childhood, avoiding eye contact can hint at discomfort. It’s a small behaviour, sure, but it might show a desire to keep a bit of emotional distance. Avoiding eye contact often points to vulnerability or lingering conflict. It’s a subtle way of keeping some space around certain feelings. Their lack of directness can reflect some unresolved tension.
13. Serious topics turn into jokes.
If they use humour to steer away from serious conversations, it might be a way of avoiding uncomfortable emotions. Turning heavy moments into jokes can lighten the mood, but may also hint at deeper discomfort. Humour becomes a way to sidestep topics that feel too close to home. It’s not necessarily about avoiding you, but about keeping things light. Deflecting with jokes can point to unspoken emotions.
14. They react strongly to perceived criticism.
If even light feedback brings a defensive response, it might mean they’re holding on to some past hurt. Criticism from you might feel heavier if it reminds them of old frustrations. Their sensitivity suggests they’re still affected by certain dynamics. It’s like a reflex that’s hard to shake. Quick defensiveness often hints at emotions they’re not fully over.
15. They seem emotionally distant or reserved.
If they’re emotionally distant, it can signal some lingering resentment. They might be keeping their guard up as a way of avoiding potential hurt or conflict. The distance often shows up as limited engagement or a more reserved approach to conversations. It’s not always intentional—it’s just a way of keeping things at arm’s length. It’s clear they have some unresolved feelings.
