Ever feel like you’re constantly bending over backwards for everyone, only to find yourself feeling resentful and unappreciated?
It’s not always easy to figure out why we let people take advantage of our kindness, but recognising the underlying reasons is the first step towards setting healthier boundaries and taking back control. Here are some possible explanations for this tendency you have.
1. You’re afraid of conflict.
Source: Unsplash Maybe you hate the thought of upsetting someone, even if it means sacrificing your own needs. You might avoid confrontation at all costs, believing that keeping the peace is more important than standing up for yourself. This fear can lead to a pattern of passive behaviour, where you silently accept mistreatment rather than risk a disagreement.
2. You have low self-esteem.
If you don’t believe you’re worthy of respect or consideration, you might be more likely to accept unfair treatment. You might second-guess your own feelings and needs, thinking that perhaps you’re being too sensitive or demanding. This lack of self-worth can make it difficult to assert yourself and set boundaries.
3. You’re a people-pleaser.
You go out of your way to make other people happy, even if it means putting your own needs on the back burner. You might feel responsible for other people’s emotions and go to great lengths to avoid disappointing them. While being kind and considerate is admirable, it’s important to strike a balance and not neglect your own well-being in the process.
4. You struggle to say “no”.
You find it difficult to decline requests, even when you’re already stretched thin. You might feel obligated to say yes out of a sense of duty or fear of being judged. This inability to say no can lead to overcommitment, burnout, and resentment.
5. You have a history of being taken advantage of.
If you’ve been mistreated or taken advantage of in the past, you might have developed a pattern of accepting less than you deserve. You might unconsciously attract people who exploit your kindness or have difficulty recognising healthy boundaries in relationships.
6. You believe that being nice will make people like you.
Source: Unsplash While kindness is an attractive quality, it’s important to remember that not everyone will reciprocate your good intentions. Some people might take advantage of your niceness or see it as a weakness. Don’t confuse kindness with being a doormat. It’s okay to be assertive and stand up for yourself while still being a good person.
7. You never seem to notice red flags.
You might overlook warning signs of toxic behaviour, such as disrespect, manipulation, or lack of empathy. You might make excuses for bad behaviour or believe that people will change if you’re patient enough. However, ignoring red flags can lead to you staying in unhealthy relationships or situations that drain your energy and well-being.
8. You feel guilty for setting boundaries.
Source: Unsplash When you finally muster the courage to say no or express your needs, you might be met with resistance or guilt trips. This can make you question yourself and backtrack on your boundaries. Remember, setting boundaries is not selfish; it’s essential for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your mental and emotional well-being.
9. You act like everyone else’s needs are more important than your own.
Source: Unsplash It’s admirable to care about people, but constantly putting their needs before yours can lead to burnout and resentment. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s essential to take care of yourself first, both physically and emotionally. By setting healthy boundaries and putting yourself first, you’ll be better equipped to support the people you care about without sacrificing your own needs.
10. You fear being judged or disliked.
Source: Unsplash The fear of rejection or judgement can be a powerful motivator for people-pleasing behaviour You might worry that if you don’t comply with someone’s demands or say no to their requests, they’ll think less of you or dislike you. However, it’s important to remember that not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. It’s better to be authentic and true to yourself than to try to please everyone at the expense of your own happiness.
11. You have a strong desire to be helpful.
Source: Unsplash Being helpful and supportive is a wonderful trait, but it can become problematic if you’re constantly going above and beyond for other people at your own expense. It’s important to recognise when you’re being taken advantage of and to set limits on how much you’re willing to give. Remember, it’s okay to say no sometimes and prioritise your own needs.
12. You struggle to express your feelings.
Source: Unsplash If you’re uncomfortable expressing your emotions or needs, it can be difficult to assert yourself and set boundaries. You might bottle up your feelings or avoid conflict altogether, hoping that the situation will resolve itself. However, this often leads to resentment and further mistreatment. Learning to communicate your feelings assertively is crucial for building healthy relationships and protecting yourself from being taken advantage of.
13. You have zero confidence in your own abilities.
Source: Unsplash If you don’t believe in yourself or your ability to handle challenges, you might be more likely to defer to other people and let them make decisions for you. This lack of confidence can make you vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation. Building self-confidence takes time and effort, but it’s essential for taking control of your life and standing up for yourself.
14. You feel responsible for other people’s problems.
Source: Unsplash It’s natural to want to help loved ones who are going through a tough time, but it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their happiness or their choices. You can offer support and encouragement, but ultimately, it’s up to them to solve their own problems. Taking on too much responsibility for everyone else can be draining and leave you feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
15. You’re afraid of being alone.
Source: Unsplash The fear of loneliness can drive you to stay in unhealthy relationships or tolerate mistreatment. You might believe that any relationship is better than no relationship at all, even if it means sacrificing your own well-being. However, it’s important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. It’s better to be alone than to be in a relationship where you’re not valued or appreciated.
