Sometimes it’s not what people do, it’s what they say that actually shows how little they’re actually thinking about anyone else.
A throwaway comment, a badly timed joke, or a totally self-absorbed response can say a lot about someone’s priorities. These things might be brushed off as harmless or honest, but they often reveal a serious lack of empathy. If you hear any of these in regular conversation, it might be time to take a step back. Here are 15 statements that instantly show someone’s not really thinking about anyone but themselves.
1. “That’s not my problem.”
This one shuts down any sense of shared responsibility or basic human care. It basically says, “Good luck with that, but don’t expect anything from me.” Even if it’s technically true, the way it’s said matters, and this version makes it clear the person has no interest in helping, listening, or even acknowledging your situation.
It’s especially telling when used at work or in relationships, where support should go both ways. A considerate person might say, “I’m not sure I can help, but let me know what you need.” Someone lacking consideration? They’re out the door before you finish your sentence.
2. “Why are you so sensitive?”
This one usually comes out when someone doesn’t want to own the impact of their words. Instead of reflecting on whether they said something hurtful, they flip the blame back onto you. It’s dismissive, patronising, and does nothing to address the actual issue. Everyone processes things differently, and writing off someone’s feelings as overreactions is a way of saying their experience doesn’t matter. It’s not sensitivity that’s the issue. It’s the other person’s unwillingness to care.
3. “At least it’s not as bad as…”
When someone’s sharing something painful, hearing “other people have it worse” might seem like perspective, but it really just invalidates what they’re feeling. It’s the conversational equivalent of changing the subject to avoid sitting in someone else’s discomfort.
Empathy doesn’t require comparison. Just because someone else is struggling more doesn’t mean what you’re dealing with doesn’t matter. People who say this often think they’re being helpful, but really, they’re just making it clear they don’t want to deal with your feelings.
4. “I’m just being honest!”
Honesty is important, but not when it’s used as a cover for cruelty or tactlessness. Saying something unkind and then brushing it off with this one is a way to dodge accountability. It’s not truth; it’s just a blunt opinion dressed up like integrity.
There’s a big difference between being honest and being thoughtless. The most considerate people know how to speak the truth in ways that are respectful, helpful, and kind. If someone hides behind this phrase, they probably just want a free pass to be rude.
5. “You’ll get over it.”
Even if it’s technically true, this is a terrible way to respond to someone who’s clearly struggling. It skips past the pain entirely and jumps straight to the expected recovery timeline, as if your feelings are just an inconvenience to be hurried along. Instead of offering comfort, it pushes people away. It says, “I don’t want to hear this anymore.” A more thoughtful response would be something like, “That sounds tough. Do you want to talk about it?” Anything but a rush to move on.
6. “I really don’t see what the big deal is.”
This response tends to pop up when someone can’t, or won’t, try to understand your perspective. Just because it doesn’t seem like a big deal to them doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting you deeply. This is all about centring their own judgement instead of listening. People who say this often don’t mean to be harsh, but it still stings. It tells you they’re unwilling to step outside their own bubble long enough to see why something might matter to you, even if it wouldn’t to them.
7. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
This one usually shows up when someone feels cornered by the fact that their actions have caused hurt. Instead of acknowledging the impact, they put the responsibility back onto you for not speaking up sooner. It’s an unfair move, especially if the other person created a dynamic where it didn’t feel safe or easy to bring things up in the first place. Consideration would sound more like, “I’m sorry, tell me more about how that felt.” Not a passive-aggressive finger-pointing session.
8. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Intentions matter, but they don’t erase impact. When someone brushes off how their words affected you by saying this, they’re avoiding any kind of self-reflection. They’re focused on defending their ego, not repairing the hurt. Being considerate means caring about what your words do to people, not just what you intended. If someone always falls back on this line, they’re not really listening. They’re just trying to end the conversation.
9. “That’s just how I am.”
This is basically a full stop. It says, “I’m not willing to grow, adjust, or consider how my behaviour affects people.” There’s a difference between knowing yourself and refusing to take responsibility for your actions. When someone uses this line, they’re not being authentic, they’re being rigid. Consideration involves a little flexibility and a willingness to meet people halfway. “That’s just how I am” usually means “I’m not interested in doing better.”
10. “You’re overthinking it.”
This can feel like a shortcut to reassurance, but often it’s just a way to dodge an uncomfortable topic. It tells the other person that their concerns aren’t real or worth exploring. Even if anxiety is in play, brushing it off doesn’t help—it isolates. Instead of calming someone down, it usually makes them second-guess themselves even more. A more thoughtful way to respond? “Want to talk through it together?” That shows care without invalidation.
11. “It’s not that deep.”
Whether it’s a missed birthday, a joke that landed wrong, or a comment that stung, if someone tells you “it’s not that serious,” they’re deciding how you should feel instead of asking how you do feel. It’s a lazy way to dismiss discomfort without effort. Respecting someone means accepting that what feels small to you might feel big to them. Minimising it only highlights how little you’re willing to step outside yourself and engage with their reality.
12. “Calm down!”
Almost no one has ever calmed down from being told to calm down. This one often escalates tension because it implies the other person is out of control or irrational. It dismisses the emotion instead of addressing the cause. If someone’s worked up, there’s usually a reason. Responding with patience or asking what they need would show care. Snapping “calm down” just adds fuel to the fire, and shows you’re more interested in silencing them than understanding them.
13. “You’re being dramatic.”
This is used to undermine someone’s feelings by turning their reaction into entertainment. It says, “You’re not allowed to be upset unless I agree that it’s valid.” That’s not empathy, it’s control. No one wants to be told their feelings are too big or too much, especially in the middle of expressing them. If someone can’t handle your full emotional range, that’s on them, not you.
14. “I’m not here to babysit.”
This gets thrown around in situations where someone feels they’re being asked to show basic decency or patience. But here’s the thing: if empathy feels like babysitting to you, that says a lot about how little emotional labour you’re willing to do for other people. Relationships, whether romantic, professional, or platonic, require some effort. And that includes giving people grace when they need it. If someone thinks showing up for other people is beneath them, they’re not someone you can count on.
15. “It’s not my fault you feel that way.”
Technically, they might be right, but this is usually said with zero empathy and zero curiosity about how something landed. It’s used to deflect, not to understand. It puts all the weight of the conversation on you, like your emotions are a personal flaw.
Being considerate doesn’t mean taking the blame for everything. It just means caring enough to say, “That wasn’t my intention, but I want to hear how it felt.” Anyone who refuses to meet you there probably isn’t thinking about anyone but themselves.
