Ever get that feeling that someone’s being a little too nice, like they’ve got an ulterior motive? It’s not always easy to spot, but sometimes the words they use can be a dead giveaway. Here are some phrases that prove someone wants something from you, even if they’re not being upfront about it.
1. “I was just thinking about you, and…”
This opener often leads into a request or favour. They’re trying to establish a connection, make you feel warm and fuzzy, and then BAM – they hit you with what they really want. It’s a classic tactic to soften you up before making their ask. Be wary if this phrase is followed by a request that seems a bit out of the blue or disproportionate to your relationship.
2. “You’re so good at [insert skill or talent].”
This is a subtle form of flattery that’s often used to butter you up before asking for a favour. They’re hoping that by stroking your ego, you’ll be more likely to agree to their request. Pay attention to what comes after this compliment. Are they genuinely admiring your skills, or are they trying to get you to do something for them?
3. “I would do it myself, but…”
This is a way of highlighting their own helplessness and making you feel like you’re the only one who can solve their problem. They might exaggerate their own incompetence or play up the difficulty of the task to make you feel more needed and valued. Don’t fall for it! If they’re capable of doing it themselves, they should. Don’t let them guilt you into doing their dirty work.
4. “Remember when I did that thing for you?”
This is a classic guilt trip. They’re trying to remind you of a past favour they did for you, implying that you owe them one in return. It’s a way of keeping score and making you feel obligated to help them, even if what they’re asking is unreasonable or inconvenient. Don’t let them manipulate you with past favours. Focus on the present situation and whether their request is something you’re willing and able to do.
5. “I really need your help with something.”
This is a more direct approach, but it can still be manipulative. They’re playing on your empathy and desire to help people. They might exaggerate the urgency or importance of their request to make it seem more pressing. Before you agree to help, consider whether what they want is actually reasonable, whether they’ve helped you in the past, and whether you have the time and resources to fulfil their request without sacrificing your own needs.
6. “I know you’re busy, but…”
This acknowledges that you have a lot going on, but it also quickly dismisses it as unimportant. It’s a way of minimizing your time and energy, making it seem like their request is more important than your own priorities. Don’t fall for this guilt trip. It’s perfectly okay to say no if you’re genuinely busy or simply don’t want to do what they’re asking.
7. “You’re the only person who can help me.”
This is a common tactic used by manipulators to make you feel special and needed. They’re trying to isolate you from your support system and make you feel like you’re their only option. It’s a way to increase your sense of obligation and make you more likely to go along with what they’re asking. The thing is, you’re not responsible for solving everyone’s problems. It’s okay to say no and set healthy boundaries.
8. “This will only take a minute.”
Source: Unsplash We’ve all heard this one before, and it’s often followed by a request that ends up taking much longer than a minute. This is their way of downplaying the time and effort required for a task, making it seem less like a burden. Don’t fall for it! If someone’s request is going to take up a significant amount of your time or energy, make sure you’re fully aware of that before you agree to help.
9. “I’m not asking you to do anything, I’m just saying…”
This is a sneaky way of planting an idea in your head and making you feel obligated to act on it. They’re not explicitly asking for a favour, but they’re strongly implying that they expect you to do something. It’s a passive-aggressive approach that avoids direct confrontation, but still puts pressure on you to get on board.
10. “It would mean so much to me if you could…”
Source: Unsplash This appeals to your emotions and makes you feel guilty if you say no. They’re making it seem like your help is vital to their happiness or well-being. They’re trying to tug at your heartstrings and make you feel responsible for their emotional state, in other words. While it’s important to be supportive, it’s equally important to recognise when someone is using your emotions to manipulate you.
11. “I’m not sure how to do this, but you’re so good at it.”
Source: Unsplash This is another tactic that plays on your strengths and makes you feel needed. They’re downplaying their own abilities and highlighting yours, hoping that you’ll feel flattered and eager to help. It’s important to remember that you’re not obligated to use your talents for someone else’s benefit, especially if they’re just trying to get you to do their work for them.
12. “I know it’s not your job, but…”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is a subtle way of overstepping boundaries and taking advantage of your kindness. They’re acknowledging that their request is outside your normal responsibilities, but they’re still hoping you’ll do it anyway. They’re pressuring you to go above and beyond, and that’s just not right.
13. “You always know how to make me feel better.”
Source: Unsplash This might seem like a compliment, but it can also be a manipulative tactic. By highlighting your ability to cheer them up or make them feel better, they’re subtly putting the responsibility for their emotional well-being on you. It’s like they’re saying, “It’s your job to make me happy.” It’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for someone else’s emotions, and you don’t have to be their constant source of happiness.
14. “I’m so stressed out, I don’t know what to do.”
Source: Unsplash This is a common way to elicit sympathy and guilt. They’re sharing their problems with you, not because they’re looking for advice, but because they want you to offer to help. They might even exaggerate their problems to make you feel more sorry for them. It’s important to be supportive, but it’s equally important to recognise when someone is using their problems to manipulate you.
15. “You’re the only one who understands me.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase creates a false sense of intimacy and connection. It’s designed to make you feel special and needed, which can make you more vulnerable to their manipulation. It’s also a way to isolate you from other people who might see through their tactics. Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and support, not on one person feeling like they’re the only one who understands the other.
