Escaping an abusive relationship is a massive step towards reclaiming your life, but it’s only the first step.
Healing from the trauma of abuse takes time, effort, and support. It’s a journey of rediscovering yourself, rebuilding trust, and reclaiming your power. You’ll have to learn to love yourself again, and that takes time. Here are some steps you can take to make that process a little smoother.
1. Prioritise your safety and mental/emotional/physical health above all else.
Source: Unsplash This might seem obvious, but it’s so important to remember that your safety is paramount. If you’re still in immediate danger, get help from a trusted friend, family member, or domestic abuse support service. Create a safety plan, change your phone number, and take any necessary steps to protect yourself. Your well-being is not negotiable, and prioritising it is the foundation for your healing journey.
2. Get support from a qualified therapist or counsellor.
Source: Unsplash Talking to a therapist or counsellor who specialises in trauma recovery can be incredibly beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to process your emotions, explore the impact of the abuse on your life, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. They can also help you rebuild your self-esteem, set boundaries, and develop strategies for navigating future relationships.
3. Connect with a support group or community of survivors.
Source: Unsplash Knowing that you’re not alone can be incredibly empowering. Connecting with people who have experienced similar trauma can provide a sense of belonging, validation, and support. You can share your experiences, learn from people, and find strength in collective resilience. Support groups and online communities can be a valuable resource for healing and growth.
4. Practise self-care rituals that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
Source: Unsplash Taking care of yourself is essential for recovery. This might involve simple things like getting enough sleep, eating nutritious food, and exercising regularly. It could also include indulging in activities that bring you joy, such as reading, listening to music, spending time in nature, or practising mindfulness. Make self-care a priority and be kind to yourself.
5. Establish healthy boundaries in all your relationships.
Learning to set boundaries is a crucial step in healing from abuse. This means learning to say “no” to things you don’t want to do, communicating your needs clearly, and not tolerating any form of disrespect or mistreatment. Setting boundaries can be challenging at first, but it’s essential for protecting yourself and creating healthy, balanced relationships.
6. Challenge negative self-talk and beliefs.
Abuse often leaves deep emotional scars, including negative self-talk and beliefs. It’s important to challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. Practice self-compassion and speak to yourself with kindness and understanding.
7. Educate yourself about the dynamics of abuse and recovery.
Knowledge is power. Learning about the dynamics of abuse can help you make sense of your experience, identify red flags in future relationships, and understand the healing process. There are many resources available, including books, articles, and online forums. Educate yourself and empower yourself with knowledge.
8. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship.
Even though the relationship was unhealthy, it’s still a loss. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship, even if it was a toxic one. This might involve crying, talking to a friend, journaling, or getting professional support. Grieving is a natural part of the healing process, and it’s okay to feel sad or angry.
9. Celebrate your strengths and resilience.
Surviving an abusive relationship takes immense strength and resilience. Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your courage, your perseverance, and your ability to overcome adversity. Recognise the steps you’ve taken towards healing and be proud of your progress. Remember, you are a survivor, not a victim.
10. Rediscover your passions and interests.
Abuse can often dim your spark and make you lose sight of the things that bring you joy. Take this opportunity to reconnect with your passions and interests. Explore new hobbies, rediscover old talents, or simply spend time doing things that make you happy. This can help you rebuild your sense of self and identity, separate from the trauma you’ve experienced.
11. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you’ve made or flaws you have.
Survivors of abuse often blame themselves for what happened, questioning their choices or actions. It’s important to remember that abuse is never the victim’s fault. Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes or shortcomings. You are not to blame for the abuser’s behaviour, and you deserve to heal and move forward without carrying the burden of guilt or shame.
12. Focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence.
Source: Unsplash Abuse can shatter your self-esteem and leave you feeling worthless. It’s important to actively work on rebuilding your self-worth. This might involve setting small goals and celebrating your achievements, practising positive self-talk, surrounding yourself with supportive people, or talking to a therapist to address any underlying trauma. Remember, you’re valuable, worthy of love, and capable of achieving great things.
13. Create a vision for your future and take steps towards it.
Once you’ve started to heal, it’s time to focus on your future. What do you want your life to look like? What are your goals and dreams? Create a vision for yourself and take small steps towards making it a reality. This could involve going back to school, starting a new career, pursuing a hobby, or simply focusing on building healthy relationships. You have the power to create a life that is fulfilling and joyful.
14. Use your experience to help people.
Once you’ve healed and regained your strength, consider using your experience to help other people who are going through similar situations. Share your story, offer support, or volunteer for organisations that help survivors of abuse. By giving back, you empower people and find deeper meaning and purpose in your own journey.
15. Learn to trust yourself and your instincts again.
Source: Unsplash Abuse can destroy your trust in yourself and your judgment. It’s important to rebuild that trust. Learn to listen to your intuition, honour your feelings, and make choices that align with your values. Surround yourself with people who respect you and support your decisions. Trust is a process, but with time and effort, you can learn to trust yourself and other people again.
