It’s obviously important to look out for yourself, but when that comes at everyone else’s expense, there might be a problem.
Self-centred behaviour sees people focusing on numero uno — themselves — every single time, without exception. The idea of putting anyone else first or compromising to find a resolution that works for everyone just doesn’t occur (or appeal) to them. Here’s how you know you’re dealing with a selfish person like this.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
Their messages always seem to pop up right before they need a favour. What starts as a friendly “hey, how are you?” quickly turns into a request for help or money. You notice they never just check in to chat or catch up properly. Even quick coffee dates end with them asking for something. Soon enough, you can predict their reaching out means they want something from you.
2. Your problems bore them but theirs need immediate attention.
Try sharing a problem and watch how fast they change the subject or check their phone. Yet when they’re dealing with something, they expect your full attention and endless support. Your stories get cut short while theirs go on for hours. They’ll text you at midnight about their crisis but take days to respond to your needs. Somehow, their issues always end up being more important than yours.
3. They remember details that benefit them.
They might forget your birthday but remember exactly when you mentioned having a beach house. Funny how they forget to pay you back but remember when you offered to lend them something. Their memory works perfectly fine when it comes to things they want. They never forget promises made to them but conveniently forget their own. Watch how they remember tiny details that might benefit them later.
4. Favours only flow one way.
They’re quick to ask for help but mysteriously busy when you need them. Each time you need support, they’ve got a perfect excuse ready. Those “I owe you one” promises pile up without ever being fulfilled. When you actually ask for help, they’re always going through something more important. The pattern of asking but never giving becomes pretty clear over time.
5. Your time doesn’t matter to them.
They show up late without texting, expecting you to just wait around. Plans change last minute if something better comes along for them. Your schedule needs to bend around theirs, never the other way around. They expect you to drop everything when they call. Getting them to respect your time feels like an endless battle.
6. Conversations become competitions.
Share good news and watch them try to one-up you instantly. Your tough day gets overshadowed by their supposedly worse one. Even your small wins get matched with their bigger ones. They can’t let you have a moment in the spotlight. Every chat turns into a contest they need to win.
7. They create urgency around their needs.
Everything they want becomes an immediate emergency. Normal requests come with pressure to drop everything and help. Regular situations suddenly need solving right now. They act like their schedule matters more than anyone else’s. Watch how often they use words like “emergency” and “urgent” for basic stuff.
8. Boundaries mean nothing to them.
Saying “no” just makes them push harder for a yes. They keep asking after you’ve clearly declined something. Personal space isn’t a concept they understand with you. Simple boundaries get tested constantly. They act surprised when you reinforce limits you’ve already set.
9. They never help without strings attached.
Every favour comes with future expectations attached. They keep bringing up that one time they helped you out. Watch how often they remind you of their “kindness.” Help always comes with conditions you learn about later. Their generosity usually costs you something in the end.
10. Credit and blame follow a pattern.
Good stuff happens because of them, bad stuff because of other people. They grab credit for group work but dodge blame for mistakes. Whenever things go wrong, they’ve got someone else to point at. Success stories always star them as the hero. You’ll notice they never own up to slip-ups.
11. They dodge accountability.
“Sorry” seems to be the hardest word for them to say. There’s always a reason why something isn’t their fault. They find creative ways to avoid taking blame. Watch how they squirm out of owing up to mistakes. Apologies come with built-in excuses.
12. Empathy seems rehearsed.
Their caring words sound more practised than genuine. They say the right things, but something feels off about it. Comfort from them comes with a side of making it about themselves. Their sympathy somehow leaves you feeling worse. You can tell they’re going through the motions of caring.
13. They create social debts.
Small favours turn into lifelong obligations with them. They act like helping once means you owe them forever. Normal friendships start feeling like binding contracts. You notice they keep a mental tally of everything they do. Simple favours never stay simple with them.
14. Their needs override social norms.
Basic manners disappear when they want something. They’ll interrupt important moments for trivial needs. Watch how they ignore social cues when focused on their goals. Common courtesy goes out the window if it slows them down. Being polite only happens when it serves them.
15. They rewrite shared experiences.
Stories change a bit more each time they tell them. Their role in past events keeps getting bigger. They conveniently forget parts that don’t make them look good. You start doubting your own memory of things. The truth gets bent to fit their needs.
